My Husband Is Not Loving

Does the world define your marriage? Is the world in your marriage?

Last week on my personal Facebook page, I shared how offended I feel when people say African men don’t know how to love wives.

My husband is not loving

“I get upset when people, particularly women, say “African men don’t know how to love or romance their wives. They can woo you but once they have you, that’s it.” Typically, I want to respond “it depends on where you got yours”

My Husband Cares, Just Differently

Most people marry their opposites and it was no different for my husband and I.

He’s laid back, I am more extroverted.

For a while, I felt like I cared more about our marriage because I am showy in my emotions and he’s not.

My husband cares, just differently

For me, romance in marriage was an impromptu dance in the middle of the living room, care was discerning my needs without being told, fun was hiking hills and exploring hardy places.

For my husband, caring is opening a car door for me, making a living and providing for us, it’s being thoughtful in gift-giving, willing (forcing) himself to cook, relaxing together in front of a water-body or fireplace.

Diffusing Marriage Tensions Before They Become Big Storms

“You are saying I have peeled bananas the “wrong” way my entire life?”

He nods his head “Yup”

“But I grew up on a farm, we planted bananas. You grew up in the city, you can’t possibly know which side is up or down!”

My husband is not convinced my farm girl background makes any difference.

He thinks I don’t know how to peel a banana. I start from the bottom instead of the top.

But I know he peels the wrong way!

And we are determined to convert each other to our truths.

Marriage Is Not About You

My husband and I seek God for Scriptures to anchor and power us through each year.

We don’t have a formula or a particular way of arriving at these verses. Sometimes a theme will begin to form towards the end of a previous year. God might speak to us individually and we confirm each others witness. A scripture might jump at us.

Sometimes we’ll have a confirmation from the outside, like the yearly theme of our church corresponding to what we already feel in our hearts. We also start the year by prayer and fasting and the discipline brings more clarification.

3 Questions That Can Save Your Marriage Before It Starts

When we think about marriage, typically the emphasis is on the other person – how they fit into our preferences, likes or needs.

But a good marriage or relationship is about being the the right person, not looking for the right one.

A great marriage is about what you put into it, not what you get out of it. (Click to tweet that) You can’t reap what you have not sown. (Maybe you can reap for while but eventually you’ll bankrupt the relationship)

3 questions that can save your marriage before it starts

Why There’s Hope, Even in Marital Despair

I have been reading the book of Lamentations and I’ve found myself lingering on Chapter 3.

I’d like to share a devotion from last week, based on  verses 31-33, 49-50

Why there's hope even in marital despair

31 For no one is cast off
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to anyone.

49 My eyes will flow unceasingly,
without relief,
50 until the Lord looks down
from heaven and sees.

Thinking of Moving in Together

Recently someone landed on my site through searching the phrase “thinking of moving in together

I thought about the possible reasons she/he would want to cohabit before marriage.

And I thought about my own courtship.

How right after our engagement, my husband and I felt so knit together and day-dreamed about the shortest route to the altar!

Thinking of moving in together

We imagined ditching the home visits (a Kenyan wedding can be a long long process! and costly) and the  preparations. We thought about marching our two witnesses to the Attorney General’s office and signing certificates! Our emotions and hormones were on a high and we hated being apart after our hearts were so together.

Unhealthy Marriage?

Our first and second year of marriage were challenging. We were not doing well in our communication and that spilled to other areas. But by God’s grace, we kept growing and learning.

Looking back, I see we were like most newlyweds. We loved each other to bits and believed in our marriage (most of the time!) but we were new at matrimony, completely in over our heads!

But at that time, a stranger looking at our marriage from the outside might have judged our marriage completely unhealthy.

Not because we were overly unsound, but because we were at a messy season and they were looking from the outside. 

What Holds Your Marriage Together?

Sometimes back I was thinking about foundations, specifically what it takes to build a strong solid base for a house (marriage) so it lasts a life time.

Not implying that a marriage with weak foundations is automatically headed for failure, God is powerful (when we let Him) and He will build things in as we go along.

But as far as the early years are concerned, a few thoughts came up;

What holds your marriage together?

1. Foundations are not pretty to look at..and they are not easy to build.

Takes a lot of hard work, intentional effort and sweat.

The 2 Lies Early-wed Wives Believe (And What to Do About It)

I once read an article on priorities where the Author listed a couple of things she doesn’t do because of her priorities. Bath her three kids every day…or every other day, cloth diaper, keep a phone,  serve fancy meals.

The post encouraged me because I was juggling so many things at that time. Chief among them, trying to figure out life after moving 8,000 miles from home.

I thought about the young and not so young bride and how there’s so much on the plate, so many adjustments and so much to absorb. Sometimes you simply don’t know what to do.