What Holds Your Marriage Together?

Sometimes back I was thinking about foundations, specifically what it takes to build a strong solid base for a house (marriage) so it lasts a life time.

Not implying that a marriage with weak foundations is automatically headed for failure, God is powerful (when we let Him) and He will build things in as we go along.

But as far as the early years are concerned, a few thoughts came up;

What holds your marriage together?

1. Foundations are not pretty to look at..and they are not easy to build.

Takes a lot of hard work, intentional effort and sweat.

The 2 Lies Early-wed Wives Believe (And What to Do About It)

I once read an article on priorities where the Author listed a couple of things she doesn’t do because of her priorities. Bath her three kids every day…or every other day, cloth diaper, keep a phone,  serve fancy meals.

The post encouraged me because I was juggling so many things at that time. Chief among them, trying to figure out life after moving 8,000 miles from home.

I thought about the young and not so young bride and how there’s so much on the plate, so many adjustments and so much to absorb. Sometimes you simply don’t know what to do.

To The Wife Who Wants More (3 Things To Focus On)

My husband and I moved to the US four years ago and in February this year I had the opportunity to travel back home to Kenya for the first time since our move.

I expected to dive back to life as I knew it, completely at ease with everything. I had not anticipated the difference 4 years can make.

I began to notice I had changed when one afternoon, as we watched gospel music on TV, I started to critique music, thinking of ways the musician could tweak and “improve” her music  – to suit an international audience.

25 Bible Verses For The Discouraged Wife

Married life can be hard.

And in those hard days, we have to learn how to run to God’s word to anchor our hearts and marriage.

I love books, I love reading great advice, but nothing can heal, sooth and rebuke as the word of God.

25 Bible verses for the discouraged wife

God’s word is a living instrument for healing and direction.

Even on those days you struggle to get into your heart.

I love something my friend TC Avey said sometimes back in a post titled Fake it Till You Make it

She shared of her struggle spending time in the Word.

What it Means to Submit When You are in a Serious Relationship But not Married

Recently I received a question from an engaged lady about submission.

She wanted to know what it means to submit when you are engaged to a guy, or when you are in serious relationship but are not married.

I answered her and since I have so many single friends here, I want to share my thoughts with you too.

 

What it means to submit in the context of courtship

Her question reminded of an incident from when I was single.

I was hanging out with a married couple and the husband requested the wife, and by extension me, to do something.

Why The Way You Act Is Not Your Husband’s Fault

My dad was a tough disciplinarian and growing up, I learned to obey without question.

But I happened to have his strong personality, so mostly I would follow on the outside while resisting on the inside.

While learning to obey my parents was good and necessary, I unfortunately carried that tendency into adulthood – I stuffed things down and obeyed blindly when it came to authority figures.

Why the way you act is not your husband's fault

Instead of talking and sharing my thoughts and opinions (and I have many of those), I toed the line but inwardly felt hurt and oppressed.

4 Ways You Might Be Sabotaging Your Marriage Without Knowing It

Sometimes my husband will do something nice and later I’ll catch myself thinking “I wish he’d do that…and this (insert other things) more often”.

I don’t plan on being ungrateful, but that’s the problem right there.

I don’t plan. I expect continued gratitude to flow automatically.

4 ways you might be sabotaging your marriage without knowing it

But the human heart is interesting.

When we don’t plan, we don’t do. When we are not intentional with gratitude, my heart slides down to entitlement.

You move from being awestruck and amazed that he took the trash out without being asked to wondering why he doesn’t remember to put his used clothes in the laundry bin.

Your Husband Did Not Hurt You, Don’t Blame Him

I love Sheila Gregoire’s marriage blog and a while back I read this post, where she talks about a bad experience during a missions trip years ago.

During the trip she was harassed and touched by men.

I read the post and how she was affected and I identified with some of the things she talked about.

Your husband did not hurt you, don't blame him for the hurt in your past. More thoughts in the post

Because I have been through bad experiences in the hands of bad guys.

Not in the way Sheila did, but through mugging.

The reason I am sharing this today is because I did not fully understand my reactions (especially towards men) thereafter. Reading Sheila’s post stirred thoughts I had long forgotten.

To The Wounded Wife

A few weeks ago, something happened to set off an old wound.

The wound is long healed, it’s not something that bothers me at present.

But that morning something happened and it broke me and I felt the churning of those old days burst open.

To the wounded wife - letting go of the wounding

For a time, I wanted to jump in and and start talking and going over and over the same old details.

I felt I needed to say exactly what happened and set the record straight. (Ps. it’s not a marital situation)

Why Husbands Rock (And Other Lessons From Writing A Book)

I shared these thoughts on our Facebook Community recently.

If you are chasing a dream or trusting God for something, I hope you are encouraged.

why husbands rock

A few things I have learned from writing a book and chasing not-so-easy dreams

– It takes God

Any good vision will be beyond you.

You may dream it, want it badly but at some point it will overwhelm you, slip through your fingers, keep you awake at night, knock you over the head, drive you nuts, knock you upside the head again..and at times, die.