This is a guest post by Kimanzi Constable. More about Kimanzi at the end of the post.
On December 4, 1998 the day after I turned 18 years old, I married the woman of my dreams.
The morning of our wedding should have been one of the happiest days of our lives.
But we were arguing.
I grew up in a Christian home but when I turned seventeen years old, I rebelled. My parents gave me an ultimatum, get right or leave.
I don’t know if they really meant it but at 17 I moved out. For the next five months I was homeless, I lived on friends couches and bus stops.
It was during this time, one of the lowest points of my life, that I met my wife. We quickly formed a friendship and during that time her parents felt bad for me and let me live on their couch.
There were very strict about keeping us separated and helping us get to know each other; without them I would still be lost.
The day after I turned 18
Six months after meeting my wife, the day after I turned eighteen years old, we got married.
Getting married young isn’t easy and there are so many things that I know now that could have helped us then.
That first month was really rough. We were immature and we fought about everything.
Looking back on it, the only way our marriage survived was with the Lord’s help and a couple of key tips that I’d like to share with you today.
1. Understand what love truly is
Love is not a feeling, it’s a decision.(Click to tweet)
If you understand this principle, you’ve discovered the secret to making your marriage last a life time.
I learned this from experience; feelings come and go. Thinking of love as a decision puts things into perspective.
But how is love a decision?
Think about the proposal process, it’s a decision a man makes based off facts from the relationship and the Lord’s leading. You just don’t base it on how you feel.
If we put that much thought into the process of making a decision to propose, why wouldn’t we put that much thought into the decision to love?
Love isn’t something you feel at the beginning of your relationship that goes away after the honeymoon phase.
Love is a decision that you make when you wake up everyday and look at that person that you made a commitment to.
When you have some hard choices to make and you decide to put the other person’s needs first, that’s love. (Click to tweet)
When you are faced with temptation from the opposite sex and you decide you would rather die then betray that person’s trust, that’s love.
Love is a decision you make daily, sometimes even multiple times a day.
2. If you have a problem with your spouse, the problem is really with yourself
Man, my wife has some annoying habits and I’m sure I do too.
I’m sure you could say the same thing about your spouse, there are certain things that drive you up the wall.
It could be little things like biting finger nails to bigger things like differing ways of handling certain situations.
There are bound to be things that irritate you; but you make the decision whether or not to make those things an issue.
If you have a problem with your spouse, they’re not the problem if you’re the one making the decision to let those things become an issue.
Even though certain things bother you, are they really a big deal? Realize that we all have certain quirks and if you could learn to accept your spouse for who they are, there would be a lot less arguing.
If there are major issues, communicate with your spouse, talk, pray and work them out but you can learn to look past the trivial stuff.
Love every day
Making that decision to love everyday, every minute even, will lead to putting the your spouse first and that’s how you make a marriage work.
Life is short and every minute with that person you love is precious.
Don’t waste any of that precious time on things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things!
Actions speak louder then words, so this week think about how you can show your love everyday in a special way by putting your spouse first.
Start now and you’re marriage will last a lifetime!
Question: Have you been putting your spouse first? Really? How are you showing your love everyday? Please share in Comments
About Author – Kimanzi Constable is a former bread delivery driver turned best-selling author, international speaker and life coach. His passion is to help family men and woman live life by their own design and create a freedom based online business on the side. You can also connect with him on Twitter.
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