In my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily-Ever-After In The Early Years, I talk about the different types of intimacy we need to cultivate in marriage.
I spend some time talking about sexual intimacy because that’s where many of us struggle.
Today I want us to look at why you need to connect intimately with your husband, even when you don’t feel like it.
I know there are many wives who have the opposite problem; they want sexual intimacy but the husband for one reason or another, is not interested.
Statistics have it that 30 percent of marriages have low-libido husbands.
We’ll look at high-libido-wife-low-libido-husband challenge in a future post but today I want to encourage the wife who struggles with connecting intimately with her husband.
Specifically why you need to connect, even when you don’t feel like it.
1. Because you are required to obey the Lord, not your feelings
Deuteronomy 11:1 says
“Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.”
As a wife, God wants you to build your home in wisdom ( Proverbs 14:1), honor your marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4), love sacrificially (1 John 3:16), be led of the spirit (Gal 5:16- 18) amongst other things.
I have learned the strongest – for lack of a better phrase – kind of obedience is the kind where I say “yes” when everything within me is saying “no”.
In the marriage bed, we won’t understand real obedience until our schedules or feelings or life go out of whack, and we work hard to keep the bedroom a priority.
Of course it’s not merely an act of the will; it’s a broken reliance on the the Spirit of God.
Never quit on intimacy simply because you don’t feel like it.
Instead take your eyes off earth, so to speak, and gain a higher perspective. It’s not all about your husband, or even yourself, it’s about the Lord.
2. Because it refreshes you
You might not be feeling it at the beginning, but by the end of it, you are glad you did!
One of the things that love making does to your body is release certain hormones that aid in better sleep and relaxation and a greater sense of well being.
You feel refreshed, at peace, stronger mentally, happier.
My mentor used to say that he could tell a sexually frustrated wife from miles away – typically, they were sullen or cranky.
Our feelings don’t always know what is good for us!
If you follow them all the time, you end up not just punishing yourself but your husband too.
3. Because it blesses your husband
For most husbands, one of the ways they receive respect and love is through physical intimacy with their wife.
And not just lying there and offering your body as a sacrifice, but through active and enthusiastic participation.
“A good man wants his wife’s heart. He wants relationship. He wants unity – not only of body but unity of spirit. He wants to be one with his wife and he wants her to desire to be one with him. Good men willingly receive from their wives but they are not mere takers. They want their wives to receive from them, too, and receiving involves not merely being present but desiring to be present”
From the article He wants far more than you think, by Matthew L Jacobson
That’s my three tips for when you don’t feel like making love. Some situations will be a bit more complex, like when you are unwell, or are super tired.
But it’s my opinion that in the end, there should be more “yes” than “no” in your bedroom.
What do you think? Why else should we have more “yes” than “not tonight dear” in our marriages? Let’s talk in Comments.
If you want more insights in this area, make sure to pick up my book where I get into details. I talk about how you can prepare so you are in the mood and what “being in the mood” is all about to begin with. The eBook versions (Amazon Kindle and Barnes & Noble Nook) are $4.99 only.
Are you going through early marriage blues – the adjustments and challenges of early marriage? There’s hope! Take a journey through marital subjects like intimacy, submission, sex, communication, finances, in-laws, expectations – and many more! – and learn how to build a foundation for a marriage that will last!
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Linking with Wedded Wednesday, Wifey Wednesday