I have talked about how my husband and I are different in personality. What that means is that we have no shortage of opportunity to disappoint each other.
When we moved to America, I had to take a driving test to get an American drivers license.
On the morning I was taking my test, I confessed to Tommy that I was very anxious because the last time I went for a drivers test in Kenya, it had been insanely hard, for a number of reasons.
What I was looking for at that point was comfort and affirmation from my beloved.
“To tell you the truth babe” my husband said as a-matter-of-fact “You did not know how to drive back then..not as much as you know now”
How I translated that?
I deserved to fail the first drivers test. If I failed the test in the US, it would be my fault too.
But my husband was trying to encourage me; he meant that I was more prepared to take the drivers test than I had been in Kenya.
Me, I heard those other things he did not say or mean.
If you have been married longer than one day, chances are you’ve had opportunities to disappoint one another.
Disappointments in marriage are normal. Because being human.
It’s what we do after feeling disappointed that makes the difference between wedded bliss and honeymoon blues.
Next time your husband disappoints you, join me and remember the following;
1. My husband is human
I married the most amazing man – he’s kind, generous, he opens doors for me and constantly prefers me above himself. He is all together wonderful.
But he’s not perfect. And neither am I.
When your husband disappoints you, just remember that you married an imperfect being, just like yourself.
Allow that knowledge to soothe away some your fiery embers; empathize.
2. God is my source, not my husband
I don’t always understand how much I have put my hope on my husband until my husband disappoints me.
God sets me up on purpose! It’s His way of helping me put my focus where it should be; Himself.
Yes we should have healthy expectations in marriage. We should set boundaries and know what we expect of one another.
But it’s important to understand that because of #1, even those healthy expectations & hopes will go unmet sometimes.
That’s why we need to have our hopes anchored on the One that never fails or disappoints.
Choose to see your husband as a gift and blessing from God, not your Source (Click to tweet)
No human can fill the voids of your heart, only God can do that.
3. God is our third strand & it makes a difference
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
God holds everything together. It’s not my husband, it’s not me. Obviously we have a part to play (hence the three stands).
But there’s One bigger and stronger rooting for my marriage.
There are days when neither of you will feel like fighting for your marriage.
When the feelings of love take flight, when storms of life overwhelm your little human love, when your husband does things that make you think he’s unworthy of your love and respect.
Yet it’s for those specific moments you need God. If you can fix yourself, you’d never know how badly you’ve fallen short of His glory.
So when the storms hit, it’s not the time to check out on your one-flesh journey, it’s the time to engage a higher level.
God will make a difference, if you let Him.
Allow Christ’s to change the way you think, talk and respond.
4. Examine my part in the wounding
It’s easy to see the speck in our spouse’s eye and completely miss the log in our own.
(Imagine that! A whole log sticking out of your eye but you think you can see a little speck in your husband’s eye!)
It’s important to examine your part in your wounding.
Not saying that his disappointing you is always your fault.
But sometimes it is. Like when you put impossible expectations on him.
Overall and no matter what he did or did not do, you own your reactions. You choose how to respond.
Check out these two posts where I get into details
Your turn; Anything else we need to remember when our spouse disappoints us? What has helped you in your marriage? Lets talk in Comments.
Struggling to connect and understand your husband? My book Blues to Bliss might help! Learn how to overcome habits and mindsets that stop you from enjoying marriage as God intended. Click here to learn more and find purchase links.
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Linking with Wedded Wednesday, Wifey Wednesday, we are That Family, Titus 2sdays