I love reading some of the Google search phrases people use to find my blog.
Someone recently landed on my blog by searching “things you should not do to your spouse” .
I didn’t have a post along those lines, and so I thought it would be great topic for today!
Please add your own “do-nots” in Comments below!
1. Over exposure
At our house, I have the quicker tongue; the one that often errs on the side of unfunny.
James 3:11 says
“Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening?”
You cannot send out life and death at the same time. Learn to cultivate the right things within your heart and to keep a guard over your mouth.
As far as difficult issues go, we can (should) seek outside help from a trusted mentor or counselor.
Not friends, family or colleagues or “anyone” with a listening ear.
Remember that while you and your spouse will make up and forget about the issues, other people don’t forget or forgive as easily.
2. “you always/you never”
Our minds have this astonishing ability to recollect to the finest detail, our spouses past mistakes wherever we are in conflict.
In the heat of the moment, our spouses can become 100% “bad” in a particular area.
I’ve found that it’s hard to live forward when I’ve engaged reverse gear.
Before you allow such words to leave your mouth, always remember no one ever got motivated (to change) by a beat down.
Such words are often an exaggeration and will never move your relationship to a better place.
Jim Rohn said no one ever drifted to the top of a mountain.
While a great marriage is a grace-fueled journey, it’s also filled with intentionality. You get to make choices and choose your attitudes.
A happy marriage won’t be handed to you on a silver platter. You work at it.
Spouses who are committed to building a strong marriage understand that quitting or disengaging in any area of their marriage is never an option
4. Live without boundaries
We don’t normally leave treasures like gold out in the open, exposed to elements, vulnerable and unguarded.
We store our treasures in safe secure places.
Marriage is a high treasure. When you took your vows, your spouse became # 1 in your life, after God.
All your opposite sex relationships ought to henceforth bow to that one relationship.
5. Shun help
You don’t know everything. No one does.
That’s why you need mentors – someone who is further down the road.
Someone who can offer perspective and insights that’ll strengthen and transform your relationship.
The thing about mentoring is that the relationship doesn’t just fall into your lap. You cultivate it.
But the relationship is no good if you never open up.
6. Keep a dry prayer closet
Dr. Frank Fincham, Director of the FSU Family Institute says
“Our research shows that praying for your (spouse) can bring you back to the common goals. When people pray, they become one with their spouse.
“A subtle shift occurs. Praying regulates your emotion and it never leads to anger. Knee-mail is social support available 24/7..”
Your one-flesh journey needs to be bathed in prayer.
Prayer changes your environment, but it often changes you first.
7. Play tit-for-tat.
We often struggle to give ourselves to our spouse when we feel they are not meeting our needs.
Obviously a healthy marriage is where both spouses do their best to meet each others needs.
But God is still the only One that can meet all our needs perfectly.
It’s possible to give even when your spouse is not giving back. Cos God can enable you to.
You can change the dynamics in your marriage by responding, instead of reacting.
8. Keep the peace
We are called to be peace makers, not just peace keepers.
A strong thriving marriage involves intentional pursuit of peace.
Timidity, passivity, ignoring problems does not make a marriage stronger.
It’s true that we can’t make our spouses change or force them to address issues. (I wrote about it here)
But we can communicate, stay alert, keep things at the forefront. We can’t give up or quit in the name of “keeping the peace”.
Question – What other things should we not say/do to our spouses or marriage? Please share in Comments below.
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