My dad was a strong proud African man and in my mind he was a rock; never needed anything from anyone, yet thrived and achieved great things.
At least from my position as a 9th born child, he did.
Put cattle rustlers to flight, prowled our farm at night and kept wild animals from the crop, donned a veterinary hat and wrestled bulls, was the go-to problem solver of the neighborhood, built our house from scratch and more.
And he did all that without a fuss. Or mush.
Kept his distance and not a whiff of softness.
And I brought that unconscious image to my marriage.
There were no cattle rustlers to chase down (thank God) but there was that leaky tap. A hole in my needy heart which needed an endless supply of affection and love.
Duties and roles to be fulfilled. Ability to give everything and need nothing much in return.
Crafting lasting bliss
If you’ve been married longer than a week, you might be laughing at me right about now. You’ve figured out early that your husband has needs. They might not be the same as yours – or as obvious – but they are there.
It takes a while in these early years to fully appreciate that lasting bliss is not built on air or re-living our pasts and comparing it to the present.
But from waking up and crafting our own happily ever after.
To create your lasting bliss (and obliterate those annoying honeymoon blues) here’s a few things to keep in mind regarding our husband’s needs.
I am not a pro at any of these (I think you’ve figured that out already), I am still learning how to meet his needs well. Hopefully you can add your own thoughts in comments.
8 things your husband can’t get enough of
1. Your encouragement & support
People can say all kinds of nice things to your husband but no other opinion matters as much yours. (Click to tweet)
Most hubbies will not shout about this need from the rooftops and it’s up to you as a wife to discern the “times and seasons” - constantly seek to come alongside and live up to your name, Helpmate.
2. Your smile and laughter
Nothing makes a hubby happier than the ability to make his wife laugh and smile. I loved it when my dad walked around our sprawling compound whistling, it made me feel like the world was okay.
Lasting bliss comes from small things – laughing at his jokes, even when you’ve heard them a thousand times before. Smile and be a pleasure to be around. Be a sweet fragrance in your marriage.
3. Your body
(*If you are in one of 25% of marriages with higher-drive-wife-lower-drive husband, this series of posts might help)
4. Your prayers
I wrote about the power of prayer in marriage a few weeks ago. Read it here.
5. Your respect and admiration
Many things communicate respect and admiration to your husband and you need to learn his specific language. The bottom line; he needs respect as much as you need love.
6. Your mind
He wants to know, really know what’s on your mind without having to guess all the time. He needs your perspective, your wisdom and counsel. He needs his partner.
7. Your understanding
That he’s a man, he’ll never make a good girlfriend. That sometimes he needs a little man space and the assurance that when he gets back he’ll still find you.
He doesn’t have to do all the he does, doesn’t have to be all he is to you. But he’s chosen to be and to do.
God’s been working on my attitude genes lately. I was taking some things too seriously and life had become very hard and all I could see was the things that were not done.
So He’s been reminding me to count my blessings, not my troubles. (Psalm 103;1-2)
A spirit and attitude of gratitude can change everything. He doesn’t have to “deserve” it, doesn’t have to be a big thing. A “thanks for getting the milk, I know you had to go out of your way in that traffic” is a nice thing to say.
So there’s my 8 things!
There’s many more areas to step up as young wives (and by young wives I mean wives in the early years of marriage). So what other areas can you add? What areas do you need most reminders on? Please share in comments.
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