Sometimes back, I read an article by Paul Byerly on creating relaxed relationship time.
“Relationships take time – but not just time, they take relaxed time. You cannot set aside an hour a day to “have your relationship” and just stop everything and set it aside when that hour rolls around. You cannot cram your life so full that a five-minute delay ruins the rest of your day and expect to have the emotional rest necessary for a good marriage”
Most marrieds work hard to strike balance between the daily demands of life and their marriage.
The challenge, as Paul mentions lies in curving out quality (relaxed) time.
Quality relaxed time requires energy. You need to have the heart and mind to connect, fill each others love tanks, to focus and share .
Such moments don’t happen by themselves. They need to be weaved into the rhythm of our lives, intentionally put there and guarded over.
Why do couples struggle to achieve quality relaxed time together, how can they move forward?
1. Unhealthy mindsets
If your relationship with your spouse doesn’t rank # 1 in your mind, it will not rank # in your time (Click to Tweet that)
People come from all sorts of back grounds. How they grew up and their life experiences affects how they view and treat their relationship.
You can’t live out what you don’t know – your marriage will follow what you know. So you have to teach yourself the right thing, if what you know isn’t right.
If what you know isn’t right and without an intentional desire to learn and change, you will keep repeating the same mistakes you saw or experienced.
A new healthy mindset does not just come upon you.
It’s acquired through study, spending time in the Word of God, through talking with your spouse, keeping yourself accountable and a genuine desire to change from within.
2. Life’s good demands
People often fail to reach their goals because they settled for “good”, instead of reaching for “best”.
Marriage happens to be one of the “bests” in life.
Yet people strive for good careers, good money, good reputation, everything else, at the expense of “best” marriage.
So often, the good, seemingly small endeavors ( e. g a better but busier job) can eat and snap at quality marital times and before you know it, you are distracted, filled with excuses and can’t tell when you fell off the boat.
All you know is you are sinking.
In my eBook (just in case you didn’t know it’s available free when you subscribe for my free blog updates) and in chapter dealing with crafting the future, I share that life never really offers “off-duty” moments.
In other words, it doesn’t matter what goodies are dangled in front of you.
You must stay consistent, working and moving towards your goals. If marriage is # 1, then everything else has to line up behind it.
Good alternatives will always be there.
It’s up to you to make consistent choices that are in line with your values and goals. You can’t have gaps in your convictions because these gaps will show in your priorities.
3. Lack of margin
In his book Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, Richard Swenson says
“Margin is the space between our load and our limits. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed….”
“If we were equipped with a flashing light to indicate “100 percent full,” we could better gauge our capacities. But we don’t have such an indicator light, and we don’t know when we have overextended until we feel the pain.
As a result, many people commit to a 120 percent life and wonder why the burden feels so heavy. It is rare to see a life prescheduled to only 80 percent, leaving a margin for responding to the unexpected that God sends our way”
Michael Hyatt further says
“Margin is not something that just happens. You have to fight for it.”
When your life is crammed to overflowing, when it lacks wriggle room, space to breath and navigate, somewhere down the road, something will come snapping at your quality time.
So you must seek to create margin in you life. Protect your quality time.
Question – What tips can you share on creating quality time as a couple? Please share your thoughts in Comments
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