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A while back, I wrote about how marriage-centered advice can lead to harm, and people-centered advice leads to safety and growth. I explored how in the Christian evangelical/conservative circles, life is often approached through the institutional lens (“the church,” “the kingdom of God,” “the marriage covenant,” e.t.c.) Thus everything becomes about developing and maintaining the…
Husband wants praise: Does she owe him? Will his self-esteem wither and die if she doesn’t affirm him? Will he go fishing for glory outside his marriage if he’s not getting it at home? That’s what evangelical and other conservative faith communities that center maleness have told women. They’ve said men need respect.1 And one of…
A few years ago, I wrote, “a great marriage is made up of two people who consistently put their vows before their feelings.” I have since changed my mind. Sometime last year, a reader asked if I still stood by the statement above. My answer: there’s a lot I wish I could unsay because I’ve…
I’m just wondering why some Christians spend so much time disempowering women. Why is it so important that women are small and men are big? Bookmark the thought: I’m from the Kikuyu tribe, one of the 42 main tribes of Kenya. As a tribe, we have an origin story (close to the Judeo-Christian of Adam…
Does God tell husbands to lead their wives? Yesterday on Facebook, I shared the following update: When my husband and I were complementarian (though, functionally, we both submitted to each other), I was writing a blog post on submission, and I went to grab the verse that says, “the husband is the spiritual leader.” Yeah,…
How long people stay together isn’t necessarily an indicator of their relationship’s health or happiness. Of course, lots of people have been married long, happily, and healthily. But it is also true that not everyone married for a long time has had a healthy marriage. As Christians and society in general, we should aim for…