Dear Dreamer Wife, Why You Must Pause and Reflect

Many of you who read this blog want to accomplish great things both inside and outside your homes.

For example some of you long to create intentional happily-ever-afters, not just for your own enjoyment, but maybe for the sake of another wife or marriage that might need some cheer and strengthening.

Dear Dreamer Wife, why you must pause and reflect

Lately, God has been reminding me that in order to be a blessing to another wife or be impactful in any way, I need to allow Him to create my own story in even deeper ways.

I need to allow Him to teach me afresh and actively live what He’s teaching me.

Longing for many things

Last year, I was busy asking God to open certain doors in my life.

And He opened some amazing doors. But not all the doors I wanted.

I wanted to start speaking to crowds.  I wanted our dream of changing lives in Africa to blow through the roof.

I wanted to publish and create tools.

I wanted, wanted, wanted and drove myself crazy wanting because I wasn’t getting a lot.. or quickly.

But as I’ve been waiting and listening to God afresh, I am being reminded that keeping God first in my life includes being happy and comfortable with both His will and His pace.

Allowing Him to shape us

Last week I shared something from Beth Moore’s book “The beloved Disciple”.

 “The primary way (God) equips us for our tasks is to reveal Himself to us. If you want to serve Christ, don’t just get busy.”

“Get to know Him intimately and you’ll have a head on collision with your calling. God wants to give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation so we’ll know what to do with what He reveals.”

If you and I want God to use us in any way, we must joyfully embrace and live out the life He’s ordained for us. (Click to Tweet)

Because it’s within living that life, within living out His story that we’ll have encouragement to share with others.

Yet so often, in our haste to achieve and accomplish, we try to give what we haven’t cultivated and export what we haven’t become.

In other words we run ahead of God and hope He will grant us success.

Maybe right now you are struggling, you want to accomplish much but it looks like some doors are shut and you can’t make a dent.

Can I just suggest that maybe – just maybe – the doors are shut for a reason?

It’s not the devil trying to steal your promise.

Or your husband being difficult.

Or your pastor being unsupportive.

Maybe God has a better way of doing things.

May be He’s purposely shut that door to grant you an opportunity to fall in love with Him and His way all over again.

 Think outside the box

I don’t know the details of your life, so I am not trying to judge/make any conclusion here or even tell you what to do.

I am just trying to spur some outside-the-box thinking.

Not because you are wrong, but because sometimes we just need to pause and reflect.

We need to be prodded and reminded about the most important thing; His will, His way, His purpose.

Sadly we can’t pause and reflect on these things when everything is running smoothly in our lives.

We pause and examine our hearts when we hit a crisis and crossroad and shut doors and challenges.

That’s when our world quietens down enough for God to remind us to quit wanting things simply because others have them or it feels like a great idea.

Becoming originals

As women after God’s own heart, we must become the originals He created us to be.

We must learn to joyfully embrace the process of creation – because without the process, we don’t have a story to encourage another.

Without the often painful process of molding we don’t have the character to sustain the next level

A few things to reminder/take away

  • Sometimes it’s not the devil trying to hinder our progress, it’s just that God has a better idea.
  • We must learn to chase God harder than we chase our dreams and aspirations.
  • You can’t genuinely help another person in her journey if you haven’t allowed God to help you in your own. (Click to tweet)

Dear Wife, You can't help another woman in her marriage if you haven't allowed God to help you in your own

Ps. You might be reading this and thinking “I have no desire to be in “ministry” or to be used by God in “big ways”.

May I propose that your marriage and your home is your ministry and that God has a high purpose for that ministry.

Francis Chan says “Our lives should be more than just focusing on our marriage but on focusing our marriage toward what God’s mission is for us as a couple”

Pause & Reflect – Is God currently redirecting your steps? How are you responding to His redirection? Is your life and marriage quiet enough for His still small voice to be heard? How can you better respond to His specific instructions right now?


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Further reading:


Linking with Titus 2sdays, Messy Marriage, we are That Family, Wifey Wednesday
  • Dan Black

    Great post here! Taking the time to pray and reflect on our purpose and life direction saves a lot of time in the future and the headache of being frustrated.

    • Ngina Otiende

      So true Dan, better to be slow (reflective) but sure :)

  • kimanzi constable

    Great post and so many takeaways!

    • Ngina Otiende

      Thanks Kimanzi!

  • Beth Steffaniak

    Soaking this up, Ngina! What an important encouragement to me, as I’ve been waiting on a particular area of my husband’s ministry to improve and change. Gratefulness for the season God has us in is the task God has before me today! Love it and You!

    • Ngina Otiende

      Thank you Beth and love you too! I am happy the post was an encouragement. And to know that i am not alone in my waiting..well, just makes me encouraged!

  • TCAvey

    Great post! Such wisdom here. Sometimes doors are closed because God knows we aren’t ready to go through them yet.

    Thanks so much. Very helpful and powerful post. God’s teaching me some of these lessons now as well.

    • Ngina Otiende

      I am always needing the reminders TC. So often I think I “get it”. until I turn the corner and realize I didn’t. Glad to know I am not alone in the journey. thanks so much for reading and sharing.

  • Barb Raveling

    Hi Ngina, I so agree with you on this post. I look back now on almost 8 years of writing and I think I can see some of the reasons God has brought me on the journey He’s brought me on. He has taught me so many lessons I’ve needed to learn – lessons that couldn’t have been learned with a quick path to “success.” I am exceedingly grateful for “failure”! I’m coming to think that a successful Christian author is an author that can weather the waters of a writing career while still keeping God first and others second – not an easy task!

    • Ngina Otiende

      Thank you Barb for sharing, it’s really encouraging to me. I love that last sentence..learning to keep God first as we weather the waters of a writing career..yea that’s not easy! Am just learning that right now..i really thought writing (books) is very easy. I am so surprised it’s not! :)