There’s a gift in smallness.
In our smallness, God can be much.
In our failure and sin, God is much. But often we allow our defeat to disqualify us, forgetting that very thing that disqualifies is the thing that qualifies us (once surrendered.)
I am originally from Kenya, a developing country. Much of my childhood, when not in school, was spent in the grazing fields herding goats, collecting firewood, climbing trees, playing rough or working on the farm.
Into my young adulthood, I was terribly embarrassed by my upbringing – the roughness, the hardiness and lack.
Over the years, however, God changed my perspective. He showed me how my upbringing was an asset, not a hindrance. The depth and values I have, the hunger for more, the desire to lift others up; God in-worked it through my upbringing.
In my little, my embarrassment, God has made Himself great.
Sometimes back I asked God why He has given me a public platform knowing how much I have struggled with affirmation and approval in the past.
Knowing how much of a deal achievement and accolades are. And He said “because it keeps you reliant on me.”
The fact that I am aware of my weaknesses and struggles means I have the continuous opportunity to surrender them to God.
Each time my flesh wants to glory in achievement, each time the heart hankers after affirmation and acceptance, is a chance to call on Jesus and allow Him to be a strength, help, and defender.
In my smallness, He is great.
I remember the boy with the five loaves of bread and two fishes. I wonder what the boy thought when he surrendered his lunch to Jesus. We certainly know what some of the disciples thought
“Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” John 6: 8- 9
I notice the emphasis on small loaves of bread and small fish. Too little, too many. Too small anyways, to make any difference.
Maybe the boy wondered what Jesus would do with his lunch.
We know what He did. In the boys smallness, Jesus was great.
You serve behind-the-scenes in your marriage and family.
And wonder if anyone notices your labor and sacrifice. Sometimes I wonder. “Did he see the clean kitchen floors that I just wiped with wet paper towels? (sometimes moist towels are fastest route to get the job done)
Does it matter if I spend time praying and looking up scripture before I answer a difficult email, will the person even respond?
But God knows. He notices when pleasing the audience of One is a daily aspiration.
I was worried about the fewer number, compared to the current subscriber base, who open my emails every week.
It’s a bit discouraging to pour my heart out every week and not have my emails reach everyone, due to email algorithms or a lack of interest.
God asked me “What is it to you if all I require of you is to feed four hundred people? Aren’t four hundred enough? Will you not serve the faithful four hundred because of an uninterested/unreached sixteen hundred? What is it to you if all I want of your life is to serve a cup of water to one hungry person?” *
The gift of smallness.
I need this gift, desperately, need it every day.
I want big. I want accolades. I want efficient. I want growth. I want my time to “count” and multiply. I want the masses.
I am Jesus’ disciples, reprimanding the woman who broke and poured her best jar of perfume over the Lord’s head. (Mathew 26:6-13)
“What a waste! We could have shown you a better thing; this is too low of ambition, too little of achievement. Let me show you how to truly reach and bless the masses.”
Jesus, filled with love says to me, “This is all I want from you. Your daily brokenness and sacrifice poured out for me”
Last Sunday morning, I was singing about His greatness, with my hands raised high.
During the week I had been thinking hard, planning hard for our marriage conference and community outreach, wondering how to get it funded.
And suddenly, it hit me – heart-bursting-tear-dropping-hit-me – that the exercise of stretching my faith, the believing hard, the many ways Missions grows my heart – is what it is all about.
God will get things done, as He has always done in the past. But right now, the value is not what gets done on the outside; it is what gets accomplished in my heart first.
The real gift is in seeking Him passionately; thirsting and hungering for His goodness and mercy in my life and the lives of others.
The walking away from personal ease, embracing inconveniences, letting go of pride and always walking on a limb to be with Jesus.
Our Lord does not do great things in comfortable places – He accomplishes great things in exceedingly uncomfortable places. (Click to Tweet)
Jesus, I am undone in your presence. You pick me up, turn me right side up. I am undone, and it is the best thing that ever happened to me.
How about you? How are you finding God in your mundane ordinary? How is He turning your thirst for much and multiplication on its head? How are you embracing the gift in smallness?
*God was quiet, did not mention the other 8,000 – 10,000 readers who gather around my blog every week. My focus was on my email list; and He ministered to me there. And left me to figure out how there’s more, when I take on His perspective.
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