My husband is beginning a grueling week of travel.
I have noticed that each time he travels, we get into pre-travel angsts and stresses.
Today was one of those.
We went to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy.
The lady at the counter tried to find my name on the computer but couldn’t seem find it.
My husband reckoned I needed to give my third name, not my second name.
(In America, if you have a third name, that’s your “last name”. In Kenya, your last name is your second name, even if you have a third name…long story.)
So I go Kenyan – disagree with my husband – and give the lady my second name, again. And again. (after all the prescription carries my full name, I think to myself, even as I grow weary of the “what’s your name again” question)
Then the lady goes to another computer station at the back.
And asks for my date of birth.
From the back.
*Now I have to shout so she can hear my birth date.
I shout it out and exhale. Now we are done.
Then the lady asks for my date of birth again.
I stand there thinking “Everyone on this floor now knows my age!”
I snap something in Swahili in the direction of my husband. (not at him)
I expect him to understand my vexation and say something supportive in return.
An eerie silence, the one that often communicates his displeasure, swooshes my way instead.
How can he not be upset with with me! I think through a clenched brain and shoot an aggravated look his way.
And come to think of it, had he not “sided” with the lady when he kept bugging me to give another name than what she was asking for (turned out he was right though … #facepalm)
A short while later, we walk out of the pharmacy, totally miffed at one another.
But as we belt up in the car, I remember the upcoming travel.
And how I had prepped my mind and heart to avoid pesky pre-travel jitters and stresses.
Now I feel terrible for acting up with him and allowing angry words to leave my mouth.
I want to undo this mess.
I am supposed to have the basics of marriage (and Christianity) together.
Do not speak in anger.. (especially not in a language someone else does not understand). Be nice to your husband.
I spend my days thinking, writing and mentoring marriage..at the very least I could try master some basics!
Crafting our intentional happily-ever-after.
But this is where I (and you, dear reader) miss it.
High standards are great (we need high standards). But perfection is a monster.
We’ll mess up. Our husbands will mess up.
We’ll do things to each that we can’t undo.
Long after the argument has died and the guests have left, you will realize that there’s nothing you can do to make up for what you said or did.
At that point you will have two options.
Stay mired in your issues – the guilt, the what ifs, the anger.
Or apologize…and move on.
Really move on.
The hardest part of our one-flesh journey is sometimes forgiving ourselves and admitting that we are not superwomen.
And that God never meant for us to be superwomen in the first place.
Stumbling and falling humbles us and reminds us we need God, why we need God.
One thing He constantly asks; look beyond the moment.
He asks us to remember what’s ahead, not what’s in the past.
The past serves deep lessons but it can’t be allowed to steal the future.
But steal the future it will, if we camp in the hill of our messes.
Your happily-ever-after isn’t made in a day.
A great marriage isn’t made (or broken) in a day.
It’s built one day at a time. One intentional grace-empowered choice at a time.
If you’ve been laying there, wallowing in what you did yesterday, wondering if you can survive the mistakes and hurts of the past, I write to tell you; Move on.
Happily-ever- after is still your potion, God still has a plan for your marriage.
But you need to get off that floor.
And start creating it. One day a time. One grace empowered-choice at a time.
Question: What area do you need to “let go” and forgive yourself/husband today?
*It wasn’t a shout really.. just real loud 🙂
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