Recently, I finished reading Kristen Welch’s book “Rhinestone Jesus” in which she shares her story of unpinned faith; moving from safe faith to radical obedience.
Kristen shares openly about the struggles in her marriage. Towards the end of the book, she talks about the incredible value of service and these little lines jumped at me;
“Serve your spouse in unexpected ways. Enjoy surprising him.”
It cut deep. Because while I like being a blessing to my husband, sometimes I am lazy. And excuse-laden.
Like finances for example. Sometimes I convince myself that if we had more money, I would plan better surprises and give better gifts and therefore be a better blessing!
But you know what, money can be the prop for a lazy soul! It’s easy to buy a card and take someone out for dinner. Much harder to come up something creative when finances are tight.
I am glad that real gifts come from the heart, not necessarily the wallet. I am not saying splurging is bad but you don’t need money to be a blessing.
Actually, the absence of money forces us to be creative and intentional, therefore adding more meaning to the gift.
This post started with me asking myself how I can better serve (and enjoy surprising) my husband inexpensively.
Because there are so many ways to surprise and serve our husbands without making a dent on our finances. It is possible to be a blessing within regular budget. You just have to be creative!
Here are a few things I came up with.
I hope you are inspired to in-work them in your marriage; please add your tips in the Comments on the blog!
1. Speak kindly to him
Husbands rate kindness and thoughtfulness as a top precious gift. At least mine does. And my guess is yours does too.
You can gift kindness every day, and it will cost you zero. (Maybe it will require you to let go of ego, pride, laziness sometimes, but these you need to let go anyway)
2. Look good for him
You know when you have “let yourself go.” Now, our “fabulous” might look different, but we can all agree that a taking shower/bath, brushing your teeth, fixing your hair and dabbing some deodorant covers about the basics.
(I am laughing as I type this because I haven’t done any of those things and it is way past midday and my husband is working from home today. Yikes, excuse me while I follow my own advice)
Where were we? Yes, my good and you’re good might be different. My husband likes it when I am comfortable, so shorts and pants are my things.
Yours might prefer dresses, a little more makeup, straightened hair. Just make the effort. Instead of making excuses for frumpiness ( “I was dressy all week, and I deserve a break during the weekends”), consider all the effort you put towards looking good for the outside world.
Then apply the same attitude towards your home image.
And for y’all that are really struggling right now, I am not suggesting impossible standards. Simply be intentional about how you look; the fit, color, style, the age of that t-shirt e.t.c.
If you have to change your clothes, head to toe, because someone knocked on your front door, then you really need to rethink your home appearance!
3. Cook his favorite meals.
Shop with your husband in mind. I cook Kenyan meals for the most part; that is code for simplicity. Compared to American cooking anyway. We love our simple foods, but my husband also appreciates variety, flavor, and meat!
Since I love colorful vegetables and whole foods, I am learning how to add small twists and adjustments to our regular ol’ meals.
Just yesterday, he had the largest serving of quinoa only because I put it inside a roll – chicken, vegetables, and quinoa. #forthewin
I have also recently discovered another simple way to add flavor to meals – sauces. This must be Kitchen101 to the domestic divas here; please bear with us late bloomers.
I just found this recipe for creamy lime cilantro sauce and it’s the current hit in my house!
4. Ask him what he likes, then do it.
From the bedroom, to how you dress to how he wants the house to look. If he’s okay with everything, study him and then do more of what he likes.
5. Look for ways to remind him he’s on your mind.
When you are out shopping for the week, pick up something he likes. Skip/substitute an item on your shopping list if you have to.
When you go out with your friends, save him half of your desert, like a slice of cake. Tell him something that happened that reminded you of him (be honest of course)
6. Learn about his work
Engage him on his favorite topics. Listen and ask questions.
7. Make suggestions for connection
The keyword is suggest. “Honey, let us do XYZ to improve our marriage” and a guy hears “I am failing as a husband.”
But “I came across a fun article. It has about 365 questions we can ask each other every day for a full year. Wanna try? I can the send the link to your email to check it out” and he might be a little open, even curious.
Be creative in nurturing connection.
Get the 365 questions by Lori Byerly here
8. Go the DIY route
You don’t need to be into crafts to create something amazing. Trust me. Simply scroll through Pinterest for ideas! Search for “DIY gifts for husband”and then tweak whatever you find to fit your budget.
If you don’t have a budget, use the items lying around in the house – old cards, boxes, scissors, glue, markers, buttons..anything. Be creative!
10. Give him your full attention
Don’t be off doing your own thing. Stop what you are doing and give him your full attention.
11. Give him grace when he least expects it
“When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” John 13: 12 -15
12. Do his duties and don’t mention it.
Wash/fuel the car, excuse him from grocery shopping, allow him to sleep in
13. Plan a cheap (or free) date night
I have a whole board on Pinterest for ideas!
14. Forego a favorite thing
Save up the money and buy him a gift.
15 Pray for him continually
Prayer is powerful. One of the ways I pray for my husband is through making declarations and confessions over his life.
My foundation is Hebrews 11:1 which says faith is the substance of things hope for, the evidence of things not seen. And Matthew 21:18 – 22 where Jesus cursed the fig tree. “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”
Here’s how that might look like
- I am a wife to a wealthy man Proverbs 10:22 (I tell my husband all the time, how glad I am to be married to multi-billionaire! )
- My husband is bold and courageous Proverbs 28:1
- He pursues God with his whole heart Deuteronomy 4:29
- He dreams audacious dreams Psalm 25:14
- He’s led of the Spirit Romans 8:14
- He puts his hand on the plow (whatever he’s set his hand to do) and does not look back Luke 9:62
- He seeks God’s will, turns away from everything that might lead him astray Psalms 1:1-3
- He is firmly rooted in Christ (identity) Colossians 2:7
- His wife (that’s me) is his greatest cheerleader Genesis 2:24
- She calls out the great in him and prays for his weaknesses Colossians 3:12, 13
- She trusts in God’s plan for His life Jeremiah 29:11
Your turn! Let us talk! How do you serve and bless your husband without splurging or bursting your budget? Let us share in Comments!
*Ps. My husband and I celebrated our 8th anniversary last week! He planned a surprise 2 night getaway on the beach! Here are a few pics!
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