When a woman is stressed out and frustrated, a natural inclination is to try and “talk it out”.
If the listener is her husband, his most natural reaction is to try and “fix” the situation for her.
For him, fixing her problem is simply a way to expresses his concern and love for her.
But for the wife and in moments of distress, being “fixed” is the last thing she wants.
I was reminded of this the other day when I asked my husband to look at a blog post draft I’d spent the day working on.
I approached my husband with
“Babe could you look at this post and tell me what you think? Have I handled the topic well?“
But what I actually meant was
“Please read through the post and affirm me”
My husband is not a mind reader of course.
And being a great husband, he quickly snapped on his knight armor.
And seconds later pointed out a typo.
On the first paragraph.
A typo, really?
My mind worked overtime, imagining how my post and heart were about to be shredded to pieces. (my beloved has a wonderful perfectionist eye.)
My pride and defenses were sky high.
I sat at the end of our couch, debating whether to end the conversation with a sling-shot response (yes I confess, to my shame).
Or to be the grown up wife I was supposed to be and graciously accept his correction and press through to get what I wanted in the first place; an honest opinion (cloaked in affirmation)
Loving you the way I know to..
Most husbands are not trying to be insensitive or rude and unfeeling when they try to solve problems for their wives.
They are just being husbands; trying to make life easier for the one the love, rescuing her from her distress.
Since that small discourse with my husband, I’ve been asking myself why I don’t allow him to fix some of my problems more often.
(Just so you know I had done several edits and completely missed out that typo!)
So I’ve been thinking, what if as wives, we stopped fighting our husbands’ “knighthood” and just allowed them to love us the way they know best?
Instead of getting upset about their seeming “insensitivity”, what if we just grew up a little bit, allowed them into our little disasters and challenges?
Probably they’d even be at a better position to really listen, since they would not be smarting from our rebuffs.
By God’s grace, my little discourse ended up well. I decided to be a little grown up about it and thanked him for noticing the typo and edited it.
Then graciously repeated my earlier request, that I wanted an overview of the whole post, not editorial detail.
In the end, he told me that I’d handled the topic well and done a beautiful job of it.
If I’d walked the easier road of irritation and pride, our conversation would have ended up in a different shore.
Question – What do you think, is it okay sometimes to allow our spouses to love us the way they want to, not the way we demand (or are “wired”) to? Can we do a better job of appreciating and celebrating each others different loving styles? Please share your thoughts in Comments!
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