Marriage Without Plan B

/ September 18, 2012 / Marriage, Personal Development, Success / Permalink

One of my recent discoveries is a gospel song by J Moss, titled ‘I am so into you’.

I am a lover of words and his exuberant words of worship caught my heart.

photo - creative commons (DMahendra)

The song stirred up thoughts of commitment when it comes to marriage.

Not the grandest revelation am sure but as I listened to the song I was reminded about my decisive commitment to my husband.

Once in a while, most marrieds will get blown away by some inane fact about their marriage. Nothing fireworks-ey by any chance, probably silly-sounding to an outsider.

Last week, my grand reminder was “you are wonderfully, irreparable, insanely, woefully committed to that man of yours“.

Now my husband isn’t terribly hard to love. He is a funny, wacky, hardworking, focused, protective solid mass of joy that takes his marriage as seriously as he does basketball. Okay, more than he does basketball :)

A life without Plan B

I tend to believe that when you walk into marriage without a plan B, you a have higher chance of sticking it out. As opposed to someone else who walks into marriage on “trial-mode”.

The same applies to purpose and dreams. When you get into that road with one thing in mind – success – you have a higher chance of finding success. Compared to someone else who is ‘just trying’.

Now, I am not saying that all failed or struggling marriages are a result of ‘trial’ mindset. Not at all.

However, we tend to live out the stories running in our heads. What we tell ourselves, the kind of attitude we keep counts when it comes to longevity.

To me the best time to make a decisive commitment is before that first step.

You don’t start getting committed a few months after the wedding but on the day you take your vows. Not that you will never encounter obstacles and other things that will try to challenge your commitment.

But at least, the obstacles should find something to contend with. Not vacant space.

Backed by God

God has a way of backing up our plans.

Marriages don’t flourish because of our decisiveness only. Dreams don’t come to pass because of decisiveness. Not at all.

Marriages and dreams flourish because God backs up your resolve.

He honors your commitment and prayer and gives you an ability to live a supernatural life. Any one who signed up to the cleaving journey that marriage is will tell you that it takes power beyond self, to have a strong flourishing relationship.

Stripped

Sometimes we find ourselves stumbling into situations without having time to develop clear resolve.

It’s never too late to get decisive.

It’s never too late to ask;

Stripped of all emotion, what lies at my marriage core, dream core, life core?

Question – What are you thoughts on living decisively? Do you think being decisive improves your chances of success?

Image – Dmahendra

  • http://taunetnelel.blogspot.com/ JepB

    “He (God) honors your commitment and prayer and gives you an ability to live a supernatural life.” Well said Ngina. I am stirred to recheck my priorities and to assess what kind of story I am telling myself.

    The scripture in James says, “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.” The Amplified version says – “[For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides].” Yes we need to be decisive in whatever we do and then be responsible enough to bear the consequences. If we make mistakes, then we are empowered to make better decisions.

    Thanks for this thought provoking post

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      Amplified Bible is so awesome! Breaks down everything, doesn’t it. Thank you so much for sharing that verse. I like that ‘dubious’ word.. I don’t want to it anywhere close to me..lol. Thank you for adding to the conversation. Always appreciate.

      • http://taunetnelel.blogspot.com/ JepB

        Amplified Bible is really something :) Thanks for adding to me as well.
        At the end of the post you pose questions “Stripped of all emotion, what lies at my marriage core, dream core, life core?” Does that tie in with being decisive and backed by God?

        Seems to mean emotions are only a part of it but there is something more important.

        • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

          I hope your question wasn’t rhetorical cos here i go trying to answer :) It all ties -the ‘core’ part is about decisiveness/backbone. But we need God – decisiveness alone doesn’t cut it. It’s about remaining decisive (when e.g emotions are gone) but understanding that it’s God who holds it all together.

          • http://taunetnelel.blogspot.com/ JepB

            No the question wasn’t rhetorical :) thanks for answering. That is a great tip in writing: Pose a question at the end whose answer lies in the body of the story. God does hold us together and He requires our commitment. Great lesson shared. Thanks again!

  • http://twitter.com/cupojoegirl Eileen Knowles

    Ngina, I love your thoughts here. And, I agree, it is never too late to get decisive. That’s been one of the biggest lessons I have learned in life. We believe the lie sometimes that it’s too late to make different choices. But the ability to choose is powerful!!

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      So true Eileen..we can change anytime we choose to! How awesome that we serve a God who allows u-turns! Thank you for adding to the conversation, God bless you.

  • http://www.lincolnparks.com Lincoln Parks

    Being decisive is what God has placed us here to do. If you are not able to make decisions quickly then you are going to have trouble with every area of life. I know people that take years to make one simple decision, while others have made it and moved on to other things. It makes a HUGE difference.

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      It makes all the difference Lincoln. And its the one thing that God cannot do for us (make up our mind for us). Thank you for reading and sharing

  • http://twitter.com/SarahMureithi Sarah Mureithi

    Again, my learning space! Great post for all the Singles looking forward to getting married. It is great to know that we one can commit into marriage without the “what if…questions”

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      I am happy and blessed that you are learning Sarah. Truly honored. A thriving wonderful plan-b-less marriage is possible when God is the anchor. He makes all the difference!

  • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

    Great post- our society needs to read this!

    I love that you emphasize it’s not just our decisiveness (though that is very important) it’s also allowing God in on our plans. He does help us with our covenants as He is the greatest covenant keeper of all time!

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      That last part is the most important part! Our decisiveness does no good if it’s not anchored in God. He is the fuel and the source. I hope you don’t mind, i have borrowed and tweeted your last line – it’s powerful! Thank you so much for reading and sharing.

      • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

        Don’t mind at all!

  • floyd

    I lived too many years with a safety net. That net insures failure… To live with the determination appointed by God is a gift that is second to none… Nice job!

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      I love your words Floyd – to live with the determination appointed by God. Our own determination (only) does us no good! It takes God.

  • http://www.beyondthesinnersprayer.wordpress.com/ Barb

    I love the way you put this, Ngina – no plan B!

    29 summers ago my husband and I (who had been married for just 6 months at the time) taught a class on dating and marriage at a summer Bible camp we were working at.

    We asked the kids, “What happens if you just wake up one day and look over at your husband and think, ‘I don’t love him anymore?’ Almost all the kids (this was at a Bible camp) said, “Well, I guess you just get divorced then.”

    That was 29 years ago so those kids we were teaching are in their mid-forties now and of course the divorce rate has sky rocketed since then.

    I think not having a plan B is the single best thing you can do to protect your marriage – if you know there’s no plan B you can get busy on loving, accepting, giving grace, and relying on God when your spouse doesn’t meet all your needs.

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      oh how incredibly sad! O Lord help us. That’s the mentality that’s destroying christian marriages today. That there will be more “Barbs & hubby” to teach and mentor :) .
      I love how you’ve put it, when you know there’s no other plan, you get busy loving, accepting, giving grace and relying on God. Now that’s how marriage marriages last :) . Thank you so much for sharing that insight. (I hope you don’t mind – am about to tweet that!)

  • Cindy B

    We both came from families that divorce was as common as buying a new car. When we married almost 42 yrs ago, we were determined to break that cycle!!! Five years into our marraige we both received Jesus into our lives, and He has helped us all the way. No plan B here!

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      Amen Cindy! Jesus makes all the difference, doesn’t He? 42 years and going strong, what a great testimony! (can’t wait for my husband and I to get there someday – we are in our fifth year now :) ) God can turn around everything! Thank you for reading and sharing your heart, truly appreciate.

  • irene

    I like. No plan B.’……….wonderfuly irreparably, insanely,woefully commited to that man…..’:-):-)

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      Amen Irene! And I know that you are also wonderfuly, irreparably, insanely, woefully committed to that wonderful man of yours too :) :) Thank you so for reading and sharing.

  • http://danblackonleadership.com/ Dan Black

    I think media tries to make others think “trial-mode” marriages are ok when they are not. We can see it in the news or paper about a supper star getting married then a month later they are getting divorced. It sets a bad example of future generations.

    I think finding your life partner then choosing to follow your voes of staying committed to them through thick and thin is so essential.

    Great thoughts!

    • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

      I hear you Dan. And that gets me so mad! Cos we (truly married people) all know that what they are peddling are pure lies. And the lies are so destructive..cos somebody somewhere is picking it up as gospel truth and holding it up at against reality. (which is so far from the fiction)

      Nonetheless, I believe that truth prevails in the end and we who have chosen commitment are a light. Thank you so much for sharing.