I want us to look at some things we should not be doing as early-wed – and older-wed – wives.
The kind of things that fall in to the “should not” and “cannot” category of married life.
I am not writing this because I have arrived myself.
I am very much a work in progress in some of the areas (example # 7, 10, 14 )
I’d love for you share your “should-nots” in Comments below! Let’s learn and grow together!
16 things you should not do as a wife
1. You should not have a Pinterest board called “eye-candy”.
Think about it, how would you like for your husband to create an online file, fill it with pictures of women – half of them shirtless – label it “eye-candy” and display it for the world to see?
2. You should not call other men smoking hot.
That kind of verbal adoration is reserved for your husband.
3. You should not drag your old guy friends into your marriage
And insist your husband gets along with them.
Because technically when you said “I do” to your husband, you said “I don’t” to all other men.
If guy-friend isn’t making efforts to be buddies with your husband or if your husband does not like him, stop the fussing: let.it.go.
4. You should not compare your husband
To your super-man dad, your knowledgeable home group leader, your mover-and-shaker boss.
Or any man.
Comparison is such a soul killer.
Allow your husband to be himself, to grow and become the person God created him to be.
5. You should not demand he changes
In an area, if you are not willing to do some changing yourself.
6. You should not withhold sex and affection
In the (deluded) hope it will motivate him to do what you want.
You might find much success with your efforts – aggravation, frustration, manipulation.
Not exactly the kind of success you were looking for.
A frustrated, manipulated husband doesn’t a good partner make.
You want him help and do things for you out of love.
So go first – serve him out of love.
Trust God to meet your needs and change his heart.
7. You should not ignore or dismiss his preferences and likes.
He might not nag about what he likes you to wear, who he thinks you should not hang out with, his favorite food, watching a game together, e.t.c.
But doesn’t mean he doesn’t care any more or he forgot about it.
Listen well, especially to the non-verbal communication.
8. You should not prefer Facebook over your husband.
Or knitting. Or ministry. Or friends.
Or any of your favorite things.
Don’t allow him to slip from # 1 (after God) in the list of your priorities.
9. You should not stop praying.
The answers you seek, the healing you need for your marriage, the growth you want is found on your knees.
Not on your feet.
Or your husband’s face, trying to make a point.
10. You should not expect him to make a good girlfriend.
He’s a dude.
You married a dude.
11. You should not roll your eyes
At the burnt piece of toast and overly sweet tea he presented with much flourish, for lunch.
Accept it with gratitude.
Appreciate and make a fuss when he makes an effort in any area. Allow him to make mistakes.
The sun in your smile and the kiss in your voice will encourage him to try again.
And one day he will make toast and tea just the way – and the time – you like it.
12. You should not be surprised that he misses your hints and cues and “unspoken needs”.
He’s not God; run to God for wholeness and completeness.
And he’s a dude, he’s wired to not-always catch non-verbal communication.
Just say it already. And don’t tire of repeating it (respectfully and nicely).
13. You should not throw away your lipstick.
Or heels. Or cute scarfs.
Or anything he liked on you before you got married.
Don’t let your self go, thinking “he needs to stop being so carnal, he should start loving me for me, not just what’s on the outside”
Girl your man is visual and there’s nothing you can do about it.
The same way you are relational and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Imagine him saying “this woman needs to start appreciating me for me” ..and stops showing any love and affection but for paying bills and taking out the trash.
Eh. Not a good place.
14. You should not say dumb things about your husband
You should not say dumb things about your husband.
(You probably heard me the first time..click here to read about my dumb-day)
15. You should not speak over him as he talks.
You interrupt his thinking process and he struggles to keep up with the conversation.
Aka he might switch off in the brain.
How to avoid these wife-made disasters?
Hold your words. Quieten your internal chatter.
Connect and truly seek to understand what he’s saying; think before your speak.
16. You should not stop having a life outside the marriage.
He is your best friend, your soul mate, a gift from God.
But he can’t ever be your everything.
Cultivate interests and hobbies that don’t take away from your marriage.
Keep good friends.
You will be more refreshed and strengthened, able to give into marriage.
Your turn: What can you add to this list? Love to hear from you in Comments below!
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