Single Mom in a World of Married Women: What I am Learning

This is a guest post by Ciruu Kiniti. More about Ciruu at the end of the post.

 

I recently attended a married friend’s baby shower and as expected, the shower was honored by the presence of many married women.

Only myself and a friend I had dragged along, were single moms.

Single mum in a world of married women: What I am Learning

As I listened to the married women experiences, it came out that most of them had their husbands at the hospital for delivery.

I found myself wondering if they knew how fortunate they were to have their husbands with them at that very vulnerable, yet very miraculous moment.

(Some even had their mothers-in-law with them!)

My experience

At that point in the shower I found myself transported back 7 years ago to my own experience.

My experience was quite different to what these women were talking about.

Alone, scared and almost overwhelmed by circumstances I found myself on that hospital bed anxiously waiting for what was about to transpire.

You see, unlike my friend no one had told me what to expect.

Because my journey was riddled with battles of getting pregnant in church and unwed.

I did not have a spouse to hold my hand as I lay there staring at the ceiling in between contractions.

That being my first child I desperately longed for someone to be there with me.

Do they know?

Do they even know how honored they are? I asked myself as I listened to them.

They talk as if its an entitlement and a right.

But right here the Holy Spirit arrested my heart.

He gently reminded me that these women were entitled to having their spouses with them through the process.

You see as a single mom it is sometimes very easy to think that the married woman has it better than you.

Oh the many times I have had that thought!

I have often asked myself if “these women” really knew how blessed they were to have men in their lives.

For a long time I battled with feelings of envy and a constant wish of “if only they knew how hard it is for us single mums”.

I haven’t had the opportunity of interacting with many married women, maybe because I feel drawn to my own kind.

Or maybe sometimes I feel that they won’t “get me”.

But at that shower the Holy Spirit quieted my spirit and allowed me to see things from their perspective.

 The married woman reality

Married women have their own challenges too; they juggle being mothers, wives, friends and lovers.

They have to pay detailed attention and learn how to balance their children and their husbands and the daily life.

Me-time is as rare and foreign, as it is to us single moms.

That day, as I sat there and listened to their experiences, I realized that the presence of their spouses might have been comforting (well to some).

But the honest truth was the birthing experience was the same as it was for me, the single mom.

So to the married women out there here is a single’s mom salute to you; I do not know how you do it but by the grace of God!

Married women and moms don't have it easier than single moms - What I am Learning

More advantaged?

Do I feel more advantaged than the married woman? Of course not.

The Holy Spirit used that baby shower to demonstrate to me that no one is at a “better” place than the other.

We all have challenges at different levels and while one may think the other has it easier, it’s not necessarily true.

Single moms have the grace to carry them through.

Just like married women have sufficient grace to carry them through.

As always, let’s learn to run our race till we see His face! 1 Corinthians 9: 12

Question: Do YOU believe His grace is sufficient to carry YOU through every situation? Please share your thoughts and experience in Comments.

About Author: Ciruu Kiniti is a single mum, who is passionate about running the race God has called her to run. She is passionate about encouraging older singles and single mums to live life by God’s design with emphasis on purity and a daily focus on Jesus. Visit her blog for more inspiration and encouragement.

 

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Linking with Titus 2sdays, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, we are That Family
  • http://www.tabithafletcher.com Tabitha Fletcher

    I think that it’s amazing that you’re trying to see things through another perspective and to understand others. I do believe single moms have it harder in certain ways–like financially. My sister’s a single mom, and even with help from family she still struggles. But sometimes, its not as different as some think. For instance, I’ve had 3 natural births, 2 of which I had no pain meds because my husband’s family talked so much at the beginning of our marriage about the possible effects. I was convinced. Then, during my first natural birth, my husband slept through the majority of the night…a constant reminder that he wasn’t there for me. It took me a very long time to forgive him. With my recent birth, he was more focused on his iphone than me. At least I had pain meds for that one!
    And oh, how nice it would be (I’ll admit to thinking) to not have to pass every decision through someone else-like whether to have Christmas with his family or my mom.
    Loneliness is pretty much the same! I can assure you that I feel far more lonely now than I ever did when I was single. Where a single mom has the hope of maybe someday finding a companion…the married woman must accept that if she’s lonely it will likely last the rest of her life.
    I know I’ve babbled on, but it truly seems like you’re seeking to understand married women. -Tabitha

  • Mary

    There is a deep wisdom to your words that provides a perspective about single moms and married moms that was well worth the read. I have had the experience of being both married and am currently single and can find the blessings and struggles in each. Visiting you from Wedded Wednesday!

  • http://www.barbraveling.com/ Barb Raveling

    Thank you for those wise words, Ciruu, and also for sharing how God worked and is working in you. In many ways parenting is difficult, single or married. But I do think it would be an extra difficulty to give birth and raise a child without a husband by your side. I’m thankful for your courage and love and willingness to go through hard things for your child!

  • JosephPote

    “We all have challenges at different levels and while one may think the other has it easier, it’s not necessarily true.”
    Wise words!
    I have experienced parenting both within a marriage and as a single parent. As you say, both are challenging, just in different ways.
    I have also experienced step-parenting, which has its own set of unique challenges, as well.
    Thank you for speaking out on this important topic, Ciruu. It is so easy for single parents to start feeling left out and isolated within the church. I love how the Holy Spirit enbaled you to look past your differences and see what you have in common with the other mothers in your church.
    Blessings to you!

  • http://sukofamily.org/ Caleb

    Wow, Ciruu, what and amazing perspective. It makes me think of how the Apostle Paul calls us to be content in whatever our circumstances are. It’s so easy to look at someone elses situation and think that it’s better. In fact I bet there are a few married mothers that at times wished they were single mothers.

    • Ciruu Kiniti

      Caleb I am glad you enjoyed the thoughts. It kind reminds us that the green is not necessarily green on the other side. Talk about a lesson in contentment, Godly contentment.

  • Kendra Burrows

    What wonderful and loving thoughts! As a newly-married single mom, I can appreciate both viewpoints and you are so right – we each have our own troubles and God’s grace to carry us through. Thank you.

    • Ciruu Kiniti

      Congratulations Kendra ! You definitely now have an experience of both worlds. And God’s grace is truly sufficient to carry us through. I would love to read your perspective now that you are married compared to previously being a single mom! I wish you God’s blessings in your new journey.

      • Kendra Burrows

        Thanks Ciruu! Maybe when I get this marriage thing down again, I’ll write about the experience. ;-)

  • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

    Thanks so much for sharing. I can’t imagine how single mom’s do it.
    I have a few single friends and I don’t envy them having to go through the dating experience, but I trust that God is enough to bring them through it and take care of us all.

    • Ciruu Kiniti

      TCAvey you are welcome and I am glad you enjoyed the thoughts. Like you rightfully imagine, it’s not an easy journey and sometimes it is quite easy to get overwhelmed emotionally, but over the years I realized that I have to be anchored on someone steady and someone who does not shift and so I made up my mind long time ago to keep focused on Jesus. Even when the storm rages He has become my refuge. You are so on point when you talk about the whole dating experience…that is a whole different set of challenge. But like you said God brings us all through and takes care of us.

      • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

        Christ is the only Rock that can withstand the storms of this life. Thanks for sharing. Your testimony will change lives. Keep shining.
        Matt 5:16

  • http://www.lincolnparks.com/ Lincoln Parks

    Amazing.. Can’t tell you how much he arrests our hearts when we are going down a path we should not have to. Thank you for sharing these great words as it spoke to many in many different languages.

    • Ciruu Kiniti

      Lincoln how true, the Holy Spirit always stops us and gently guides us to the right path he intended for us. I am now wiser through His wisdom. Thank you so much for your kind words. God bless you!

  • http://theregoi.com/ floyd

    Wow. I never thought of that, but all things, even the seemingly best ones, come with their own set of issues and struggles. Wise words… His grace is sufficient for all of us regardless of where we’re at.

    • Ciruu Kiniti

      @Floyd glad you enjoyed the thoughts and that this gave you a fresh perspective. I am learning to look at things through God’s lenses and always reminding myself that His grace is sufficient in everything.