I once read an article on priorities where the Author listed a couple of things she doesn’t do because of her priorities. Bath her three kids every day…or every other day, cloth diaper, keep a phone, serve fancy meals.
The post encouraged me because I was juggling so many things at that time. Chief among them, trying to figure out life after moving 8,000 miles from home.
I thought about the young and not so young bride and how there’s so much on the plate, so many adjustments and so much to absorb. Sometimes you simply don’t know what to do.
I remember walking into our house after our wedding and brief honeymoon.
The house was in complete chaos! Friends had discharged a truck load of gifts on to the living room floor. I could hardly see the carpet.
We loved the help (every bride and groom needs all the help they can get on their wedding day!). But I did not like the idea of cleaning and arranging things on my first day home.
My always-creative husband had a brilliant idea.
Pile up everything to one side of the living room and deal with it later. It was an awesome idea but at the back of my mind I felt we were just postponing work. (And the fact that I was a tad responsibility-phobic did not help)
It’s a bit like that in the early years of marriage.
You encounter many unexpected challenges and you have to come up with creative solutions. Of course these challenges/solutions are not limited to the early years ( a lot of you reading this blog are not in your early years and we chat about similar challenges)
But you have to be even more intentional in the early years because marriage is such a new thing.
Because there’s a lot to juggle and learn – you are attract advice like a magnet! – it’s easy to get lost.
So here’s two lies you want to strike out of your belief-er. (excuse the made up word)
Two things you don’t need, as an absolute necessity in marriage.
1. Have it all together
Your marriage will never be perfect. So don’t be all bent out of shape trying to iron out all the creases and crooks.
It’s easy to obsess about your outside. Easy to work like crazy trying to create the smiley-honeymoon-ey image you created in your head.
But you will be absolutely frustrated. Because while you are trying to make your marriage perfect on the outside, the truth is both of you are still a mess on the inside.
Yes, you are imperfect and two imperfect people don’t make a perfect marriage.
Jesus + two imperfect people = imperfectly perfect marriage.
I am not saying cut back on working on your issues or don’t engage intentionally. But I am saying don’t expect your marriage to have no issues. You are human, we all have issues.
Don’t worry yourself sick because your husband is not changing at the rate you want him to!
Don’t fret because you don’t feel submissive all the time
Remember you have a lifetime to learn and grow. Do what you should do but give yourselves a break.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your marriage is to push all the mess to one corner and get on with life.
2. Have all the answers
You don’t have to understand why that couple walked out on each other. You don’t have to know why bad things happen to good spouses.
You don’t have understand everything there is to understand about relationships, in order to have a good one.
When I look at my own crazy efforts to “grow up” and know everything, I realize I am just trying to grow up so that I don’t need God so badly.
Sad to admit but true.
There’s something about figuring out life that would throw me into a nice cushy place of comfort.
So remember that understanding is not always a prerequisite for obedience. The more you obey God, even if you don’t understand it, the better your relationship will be.
You will never go wrong with God 🙂 You probably already knew that, but how often do you act like it’s true? I know I don’t always act like God is enough.
You have to make a habit of talking to God instead of allowing yourself to be overwhelmed.
It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out, just simple normal conversation.
I can be long-winded and God has been teaching me (and re-teaching) how to pray simple honest prayers.
Lord, I am so messed up right now, I am tired, I don’t know what to cook for dinner, I have no energy for my husband, I am upset because I don’t have a girlfriend to hang out with and my husband isn’t trying to be a good girlfriend…”
Lord, help me with dinner, give me grace and energy for my guy when he comes through the door because I love him and I don’t want my day to ruin our evening.
The bottom line; you don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders because God already did. (Click to tweet). Unload the cares, let Him have your worries and pick up His victory.
Question – What are you struggling with today? Will you allow God to have it?
If you would like to have Intentional Today delivered to your inbox, simply click here: Subscribe to Intentional Today (you will also receive a free copy of my eBook, Navigating Change). We can also connect on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter.
Are you an early-wed or older wife? Going through unlovely marriage blues? Instead of the much anticipated wedded bliss? There’s hope! Take a journey through marital topics like sex, communication, expectations, finances (and many more) and learn how to build a foundation for a marriage that will last!
Find the book on
Linking with Wedded Wednesday, Wifey Wednesday