Two weeks ago, I wrote a post titled 29 reasons I love my husband.
The post was quite popular but nonetheless and from experience, I know someone may have read it and felt a little disheartened.
Marriage turned out to be a little harder than I thought. So I gravitated towards those who shared how to have a happy marriage – not just how happy they were in their marriage.
Happy, not Perfect
God has blessed me with a great man. But as human beings, Tommy and I are imperfect.
Imperfect people do not have perfect relationships. Our marriage is happy, not perfect.
Most people already agree that a perfect marriage doesn’t exist.
Nonetheless many feel their level of ‘imperfect’ is greater than everyone else’s.
If you have struggled/are struggling with “great imperfection”, let me share a few things I’ve learned
1. Marriage gets better with time.
Yes it does.
If you work at it.
Tommy and I have grown. We are not where we used to be.
The grace of God and passage of time have refined us (and we still have a long way to go)
Understand that growth takes time. It takes years and tears to turn a little a child into a responsible productive adult.
You must give your marriage time and space to grow. Don’t be in a rush, don’t get weary in well-doing, focus on God and keep working on the relationship.
2. You live what you choose to see.
“Secret conversations held privately in your mind shape your destiny.” Pastor Howard Kane
Your inner meditations determine the course of your relationship. Happiness in marriage comes from choosing one’s reality. Now that’s not a escapist statement – it’s the reality of a faith-filled life.
A strong marriage comes from choosing God’s reality/perspective over your own (what your eyes can see).
You must choose what to believe, cos what you believe becomes your reality.
Jim Rohn puts it this way “The problem with drifting is that no one drifts to the top of a mountain”. You don’t drift into happiness. You work your way there.
What you dwell on multiplies. The seed you put in the soil (of your mind or heart) grows. It becomes a huge tree. And it produces seeds which will bear other big trees.
You must plant and nurture the right kind of seeds.
3. You need to change first.
Very early in marriage, I noticed a pattern. Whenever I went to God and asked Him to change my husband or my circumstances, I got a vague feeling that He was waiting on something.
It took many months to figure out that God was more interested in what was going on inside me than what was going on outside me. He was waiting on me to change.
Now if you are wondering how to grow this marriage thing, how to get to a place where you do a never ending list, start allowing yourself to be molded, to be changed into His likeness.
It’s always about you, no matter how tough your outer conditions are. If He can get through you, He is then able to work on your circumstances. You’ll be surprised how quickly His method works.
Why you love your spouse
I loved some of the comments shared in the post and I thought I’d share some of them.
Dave Arnold said “I don’t have enough room to list all the things I love about my wife. I’ve often told her: it’s not books or sermons or friends who have had the most impact on me… it’s my wife. I am truly blessed!” (By the way, Dave has a great book coming out sometime in February, stay tuned!)
Dan Black said ” I love my wife’s strong faith in God, wonderful attitude, pureness about life, and commitment to our marriage.”
TCAvey said “…mine is a true gift from God, I learn that more with each passing day.”
Paula Kent said “…when I cross the bridge, I will definitely create a list ”
Beth Steffaniak said “This is a great idea–maybe one I could give my husband for Valentines Day. ”
Now on to my never-ending list on “Why I love my husband” (Linking up with Happy Wives Club!)
#33 He brags about me whenever he has an opportunity. You’ll find me spotting a “who is that woman?” look; right before I melt into mushy pulp.
#34 He’s a “closet” preacher (well, not so much anymore) and I adore how he breaks down the word of God to me.
#35 He loves to play and make me laugh – tickles, piggyback rides, wrestling, hide and seek, hilarious tales – and more – just to see me come alive.
Question – How do you overcome challenges in your own relationship? Please share in Comments