What does it mean to make love last?
The following is a guest post by Kimanzi Constable. More about Kimanzi at the end of the post.
On December 4, 1998 the day after I turned 18 years old, I married the woman of my dreams.
The morning of our wedding should have been one of the happiest days of our lives.
But we were arguing.
I grew up in a Christian home but when I turned seventeen years old, I rebelled. My parents gave me an ultimatum, get right or leave.
I don’t know if they really meant it but at 17 I moved out. For the next five months I was homeless, I lived on friends couches and bus stops.
It was during this time, one of the lowest points of my life, that I met my wife. We quickly formed a friendship and during that time her parents felt bad for me and let me live on their couch.
There were very strict about keeping us separated and helping us get to know each other; without them I would still be lost.
The day after I turned 18
Six months after meeting my wife, the day after I turned eighteen years old, we got married.
Getting married young isn’t easy and there are so many things that I know now that could have helped us then.
That first month was really rough. We were immature and we fought about everything.
Looking back on it, the only way our marriage survived was with the Lord’s help and a couple of key tips that I’d like to share with you today.
1. Understand what love truly is
Love is not a feeling, it’s a decision.
If you understand this principle, you’ve discovered the secret to making your marriage last a life time.
I learned this from experience; feelings come and go. Thinking of love as a decision puts things into perspective.
But how is love a decision?
Think about the proposal process, it’s a decision a man makes based off facts from the relationship and the Lord’s leading. You just don’t base it on how you feel.
If we put that much thought into the process of making a decision to propose, why wouldn’t we put that much thought into the decision to love?
Love isn’t something you feel at the beginning of your relationship that goes away after the honeymoon phase.
Love is a decision that you make when you wake up everyday and look at that person that you made a commitment to.
When you have some hard choices to make and you decide to put the other person’s needs first, that’s love.
When you are faced with temptation from the opposite sex and you decide you would rather die then betray that person’s trust, that’s love.
Love is a decision you make daily, sometimes even multiple times a day.
2. If you have a problem with your spouse, sometimes the problem is really with yourself
Man, my wife has some annoying habits and I’m sure I do too.
I’m sure you could say the same thing about your spouse, there are certain things that drive you up the wall.
It could be little things like biting finger nails to bigger things like differing ways of handling certain situations.
There are bound to be things that irritate you; but you make the decision whether or not to make those things an issue.
If you have a problem with your spouse, they’re not the problem if you’re the one making the decision to let those things become an issue.
Even though certain things bother you, are they really a big deal? Realize that we all have certain quirks and if you could learn to accept your spouse for who they are, there would be a lot less arguing.
If there are major issues, communicate with your spouse, talk, pray and work them out but you can learn to look past the trivial stuff.
Make love last by loving everyday
Making that decision to love everyday, every minute even, will lead to putting the your spouse first and that’s how you make a marriage work.
Life is short and every minute with that person you love is precious.
Don’t waste any of that precious time on things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things!
Actions speak louder then words, so this week think about how you can show your love everyday in a special way by putting your spouse first.
Start now and you’re marriage will last a lifetime!
Question: Have you been putting your spouse first? Really? How are you showing your love everyday?
About Author – Kimanzi Constable is a former bread delivery driver turned best-selling author, international speaker and life coach. His passion is to help family men and woman live life by their own design and create a freedom based online business on the side. You can also connect with him on Twitter.
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Great post Kimanzi!
Loving our spouse everyday is a choice, some make it while others don’t. We have to be willing to show care and love to our spouse no matter what is going on, through the good and bad times.
Amen brother, preach it!
🙂
Great advice Kimanzi! My wife and I got married at 19 and we both had a lot of growing up to do. It took me a while to realize that love was more than just a feeling ecstasy but that it was a choice. I still struggle with that at times but 17 years later things are looking up!
Sweet, we are at 15 years and feel the same 🙂
Great post brother, one that needs posted more then once or by more of us that understand what love is or looks like in a marriage. I am going to put this on my fb wall.
Thank you Betty 🙂
Great post, Kimanzi. I enjoyed getting to know another side of you.
You have great points here, Love is a decision. I don’t always like what my spouse does, but I always love him. If I allow little things that annoy me to take over, it won’t be long before my love starts to fizzle. One thing I’ve started doing when I get annoyed is to stop and ask myself if this will really matter in 5 years. Will I even remember it in 5 years?
Another things that helps me find little annoyances endearing is talking with my mom. She lost my dad 5 years ago. She misses him…even the things that used to drive her crazy! When I realize how precarious life is, I realize that little things like dirty clothes left on the floor don’t really matter. I’d rather have his clothes all over the floor than to not have him at all.
That’s great practical advice TC because it probably won’t matter in five years! So true about the preciousness of life and prayers to your mom 🙂
Thanks, Kimanzi. I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing.
Good post, Kimanzi. I really like how you wrapped up the post with a challenge to essentially show our spouse our love by how we act. So often we just think that our spouse should magically understand how we feel, and that’s a recipe for disappointment and sadness.
I thought that way for far too long, it’s kind of a lack of communication.
Great post Kimanzi! Wow, I thought I was young when I got married – 24 – but you were really young! But thy are so right: love is a choice. I’m learning more & more, especially as my wife has been very sick in her pregnancy.
Sorry to hear that Dave and sending prayers your family’s way.
Great advice, Kimanzi! I can tell that you learned this the hard way, but often those are the best and most lasting lessons in life and marriage. I’m so glad you and your wife hung in there too!
Hey there, Ngina! Thanks for the shout out earlier today! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your friends wonderful advice today.
Thank you Beth, it hasn’t always been easy but it’s been worth it 🙂
Excellent post and advice. The translation for love in terms of marriage is “the assent of your will”. Choice or decision works pretty well.
I try to go out of my way these days to make my wife feel special. In fact she is, God chose her specifically for me and she’s been a blessing to me from Him. There is no perfection, but God’s choice for us in the one He helped us choose. Good words!
Amen Floyd! You’re a great example brother.