Why should a wife make love when she doesn’t feel like it?
In my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily-Ever-After In The Early Years, I talk about the different types of intimacy we need to cultivate in marriage.
I spend some time talking about sexual intimacy because that’s where many of us struggle.
Today I want us to look at why you need to make love and connect intimately with your husband, even when you don’t feel like it.
I know many wives who have the opposite problem; they want sexual intimacy but their husband doesn’t.
Today I want to encourage the wife who struggles with connecting intimately with her husband.
Specifically why you need to connect, even when you don’t feel like it.
1. Make love because you want to obey the Lord, not your feelings
Deuteronomy 11:1 says
“Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.”
As a wife, God wants you to build your home in wisdom ( Proverbs 14:1), honor your marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4), love sacrificially (1 John 3:16), be led of the spirit (Gal 5:16- 18) amongst other things.
I have learned the strongest – for lack of a better phrase – kind of obedience is the kind where I say “yes” when everything within me is saying “no”.
In the marriage bed, we won’t understand real obedience until our schedules or feelings or life go out of whack, and we work hard to keep the bedroom a priority.
Of course it’s not merely an act of the will; it’s a broken reliance on the the Spirit of God.
Never quit on intimacy simply because you don’t feel like it.
Instead take your eyes off earth, so to speak, and gain a higher perspective. It’s not all about your husband, or even yourself, it’s about the Lord.
2. Make love to be refreshed
You might not be feeling it at the beginning, but by the end of it, you are glad you did!
One of the things that love making does to your body is release certain hormones that aid in better sleep and relaxation and a greater sense of well being.
You feel refreshed, at peace, stronger mentally, happier.
My mentor used to say that he could tell a sexually frustrated wife from miles away – typically, they were sullen or cranky.
Our feelings don’t always know what is good for us!
If you follow them all the time, you end up not just punishing yourself but your husband too.
3. Make love to bless your husband
For most husbands, one of the ways they receive respect and love is through physical intimacy with their wife.
And not just lying there and offering your body as a sacrifice, but through active and enthusiastic participation.
“A good man wants his wife’s heart. He wants relationship. He wants unity – not only of body but unity of spirit. He wants to be one with his wife and he wants her to desire to be one with him. Good men willingly receive from their wives but they are not mere takers. They want their wives to receive from them, too, and receiving involves not merely being present but desiring to be present”
From the article He wants far more than you think, by Matthew L Jacobson
Image credit – Michał Grosicki on Unsplash
That’s my three tips for when you don’t feel like making love. Some situations will be a bit more complex, like when you are unwell, or are super tired.
But it’s my opinion that in the end, there should be more “yes” than “no” in your bedroom.