4 Ways To Get Your Husband To Do What You Want

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How do you get your husband to do what you want?

It’s corny, I know, to say you can make your husband do your bidding.

But corny doesn’t stop you from wanting to influence your husband in that way.

So today we’ll look at how to do just that!

Is it possible to get your husband to do what you want? Yes it is! But there's a caveat. Here are 4 ways to influence your husbands heart (and your own!)

No one likes to be manipulated or controlled. Healthy husbands don’t want to be mothered.

Where does that leave us?

We influence.

We pray.

We encourage.

We even come up with relationship boundaries for difficult situations.

We also do the following four things.

1. Ask

I know it’s obvious but in our quest to get things done, sometimes wives ignore the obvious.

We assume that our husbands will read our minds. Actually we get upset when they fail to anticipate our wants and preferences.

I am actually of the opinion that  feel mind-reading would make my marriage super efficient! Not having to spell out everything would save us a ton of time, energy and frustration!

But then I also realize a good relationship is forged in vulnerability, frustrations, hard conversation and all those things that feel oh so inconvenient.

So here’s to asking.

Instead of dropping cues, looking up from behind a pile of laundry with eyes popping out of our heads in displeasure, wondering why he can’t see we need help with cleaning the house.

And here’s to watching our tone when asking.

Especially when you are asking for a second or third time…same afternoon.

If you need a little help in this area, check out 6 things wives do that hinder communication in marriage

2. Get your husband to do what you want by knowing the right time to ask

Going on and on about the leaking tap in the bathroom the moment he walks through the door after a long day at work might not lead to a productive conversation.

Also reminding him how insensitive he was last month, right about the time you think he’s being insensitive again might not float that boat too far down the river.

It’s important to not only learn to pick your “fights” but learn when to raise them up.

If you need something addressed, don’t allow your emotions and the heat of the moment to lead you.

Like my friend Lawrence Namale says “Let’s calm down first and then resolve”.

Your genuine concerns and requests might never get addressed (or addressed well) till you learn the good old art of patience,timing and grace. Much grace.

3. Do it yourself

I know this is not in the leagues of “how to persuade my husband do what I want.” But sometimes we need to figure out how to do life in the in-between.

I am an “acts of service girl” – one of my primary love languages is help from my husband. I love it when he thinks up ways to serve me or help me.

I am also a last born child, of nine kids. I did not grow up doing a whole lot in our house – on the domestic end, that is – because there was always someone else to pick up the slack.

Also in our family, men fixed things – my dad was a hands-on building contractor and brought up his 4 boys to be like him.

So I was not exactly prepped and groomed to love chores or work.

Some of our biggest fights in our early years of marriage came from sweet husband not helping enough around the house.

Mercifully and over time, I began to figure out thus;

A happy marriage is made up of two people who decide to carry their own weight..and sometimes the other person’s weight.

I can’t be waiting on my husband to do things for me all the time.

It’s plain tiring, not to mention super upsetting for both of us.


You and I, we must figure out the things we are good at.

Are you better at keeping track of your finances? Have a discussion about it and pick it up.

Been having a really rough day and need some pampering? Go get your nails done, meet up with a girl friend.

Don’t lay it on him to do and be all things things for you.

Now this is not to say that your husband shouldn’t grow or change. My husband has changed over the years; he now cooks, does laundry and does most of the things I wept for as a new bride.

We had to work through some hard stuff and grow up. But at the end of the day you dear wife have to figure out where to fill in the gaps, especially in this season of the “in between.”

Do what you can do, even when it’s inconvenient. Pray hard. Be led of the Spirit.

Is it possible to get your husband to do what you want? Yes it is! But there's a caveat. Here are 4 ways to influence your husbands heart (and your own!)

4. Do it together (his way!)

You know how we sometimes think that things can get done faster/easier/better if we do them ourselves?

As wives we imagine that delegating  is more tedious, thus we prefer to keep all the controls.

The other day my husband was trying to fix us lunch in the kitchen.

I was so excited about it  – he was speaking my love language in a megaphone!.

But within no time, I found myself in the kitchen, giving directions and trying to show him how to cook.

My husband quickly extracted my fingers from the stirring spoon and shooed me out of the kitchen!

So I got a clue. I sat my pretty self on the kitchen seat.

He cooked, we chatted.

We did it together – he cooked, I was awesome company.

What can you do together with your husband? Maybe he’s not a big fan of a chore or errand, can you offer to do it together? His way?

Can you explain that it’s not just about the chore itself but how it makes you feel?

Will you purposely slow down, quit interrupting his efforts, give up control?

We will get a lot done in our marriages once we learn to dive in and work together as a team!

Question – What have I left out? How do you get things done in your marriage? How do you convince your husband to do what you want without nagging 🙂


Are you wrestling with the overwhelm of new marriage and want a step by step guide on how end the confusion,  fussing, passive-aggressiveness? Would you like to restore joy, healing and happiness to your marriage? Or maybe you just want to understand marriage so you can love better, create the relationship of your dreams, God’s way. My book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years might help. Pick it up here Amazon Paperback I Amazon Kindle I Barnes & Noble I PDF
Blues to Bliss - Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years


Linking with Titus 2sdays , Messy Marriage, we are That Family, Wifey Wednesday


  1. This is such a great post, Ngina! I resonate with everything you’ve said and you had me giggling at many of your word choices and witty thoughts! I especially love this, “reminding him how insensitive he was last month, right about the time
    you think he’s being insensitive again might not float that boat too far
    down the river.” I do this so much and the silly thing is I know better! I know that it’s going to be de-motivating to my man. I think it must stroke my pride or something because the outcome never turns out like I want. Thanks for reminding me of these truths, my friend. You are so very wise!

  2. Albert Viviene Bigornia says:

    Hihi.. ASK! That’s of course the number 1 thing we have to do. Oftentimes we think we could just let our husband “guess” what we want. But the truth is, all we need is ask! =) And knowing the right time to ask is very impt. I am poor in this area in the beginning of our marriage but I have (I think) improved over the years =)


  3. Great post.
    My hubby and I have learned there are some things each of us are better at, so we divide up those tasks. One thing he is better at is finances. He’s had to bare with me as I’ve learned to take over this role (when I became a “home maker” I started doing more of the things he used to do). He gives me grace and answers my endless questions. He probably thinks it would be easier had he just kept on doing that task, but I want to help ease the burden off him. Only time will tell if he eventually takes it back over 🙂

  4. No 1. Just ask me for anything. I think many girls (apart from my wife) think that it’s romantic when the hubby can figure out exactly how, what, when and where she wants something done. Most of the time us men (let me speak for myself) are normally blank in the mind…but very much ready to do what asked. Yeah, like you said, it would be nice to read your minds…but I am willing to bet that a majority of men CANNOT READ A WOMAN’S MIND. This is a great post. A great post.

    1. That’s so true Lawrence..but oh the pain and frustration of that naive thinking! I think I have proven it over and over (inspite of my extremely ambitious naive wish) that hubbys don’t read minds. Maybe over time and as they learn their wife and intentionally apply themselves, they are able to anticipate some of her needs and meet them, but over all there’s no mind-reading there, just knowing and intentionally pursuing their woman. Thanks for reading and sharing. Great stuff.

      1. Intentionally applying themselves…I couldn’t let that phrase just go unattended. On the other hand Ngina, if a husband will intentionally apply himself to think of ‘how can I serve my wife today’…SHE WILL KNOW that he was thinking about her all along….instead of having a blank mind as explained above. I am willing to bet that what makes her feel loved is the knowledge that I put some quantity/quality thinking about her and my service to her. Yeah, I might not read her mind, but at least I loved her enough to think about her and actually to go ahead and serve her. Hope that makes sense.

  5. I love 1 & 4, by just asking and doing it together. Some tasks I know for sure are great to do together. Then there are some where you just have to ask. I know for me its very effective when my wife just asks. It may take a few days, but asking always gets it done.

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting Lincoln. It’s really encouraging to me cos my husband (and i suspect many husbands) is like you – he appreciates my asking AND my patience. Sometimes as wives we fail to notice that our husbands have full plates as well, they are not just ‘ignoring’ requests/needs.

  6. I love the one about plain ole’ asking. All of us wear our heart on our sleeves too often and somehow have come to believe that our spouse should be able to read our mind. That’s straight pride and never works out for the best.

    Communication is key, not that I’m great at it, but with time and effort, like everything else, I’m getting better. Good advice and reminders, Ngina.

    1. It’s interesting Floyd, the assumption that our spouse should know what we want. You’ve nailed it when you mentioned wearing our hearts on our sleeves. i think that’s why I (and i think many wives) fail at this – we think we are obvious, but really we are not. Thanks for adding depth, appreciate your thoughts.

  7. Knowing the right time to ask is so essential. My wife has learned (we both have) to observe and probe with other questions (general) before asking the desired question she has for me. When she knows I’ve had a hard day at work or I’m tired she knows not to ask questions that I would not be able to fully provide a clear answer at the time. Great post.

    1. Great wisdom you and your wife practice, Dan. And it does take time to learn these fine lines, doesn’t it. Glad you both live out this revelation. Thanks so much for reading and commenting

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