How do you get your husband to do what you want?
It’s corny, I know, to say you can make your husband do your bidding.
But corny doesn’t stop you from wanting to influence your husband in that way.
So today we’ll look at how to do just that!
No one likes to be manipulated or controlled. Healthy husbands don’t want to be mothered.
Where does that leave us?
We even come up with relationship boundaries for difficult situations.
We also do the following four things.
I know it’s obvious but in our quest to get things done, sometimes wives ignore the obvious.
We assume that our husbands will read our minds. Actually we get upset when they fail to anticipate our wants and preferences.
I am actually of the opinion that feel mind-reading would make my marriage super efficient! Not having to spell out everything would save us a ton of time, energy and frustration!
But then I also realize a good relationship is forged in vulnerability, frustrations, hard conversation and all those things that feel oh so inconvenient.
So here’s to asking.
Instead of dropping cues, looking up from behind a pile of laundry with eyes popping out of our heads in displeasure, wondering why he can’t see we need help with cleaning the house.
And here’s to watching our tone when asking.
Especially when you are asking for a second or third time…same afternoon.
If you need a little help in this area, check out 6 things wives do that hinder communication in marriage
2. Get your husband to do what you want by knowing the right time to ask
Going on and on about the leaking tap in the bathroom the moment he walks through the door after a long day at work might not lead to a productive conversation.
Also reminding him how insensitive he was last month, right about the time you think he’s being insensitive again might not float that boat too far down the river.
It’s important to not only learn to pick your “fights” but learn when to raise them up.
If you need something addressed, don’t allow your emotions and the heat of the moment to lead you.
Like my friend Lawrence Namale says “Let’s calm down first and then resolve”.
Your genuine concerns and requests might never get addressed (or addressed well) till you learn the good old art of patience,timing and grace. Much grace.
3. Do it yourself
I know this is not in the leagues of “how to persuade my husband do what I want.” But sometimes we need to figure out how to do life in the in-between.
I am an “acts of service girl” – one of my primary love languages is help from my husband. I love it when he thinks up ways to serve me or help me.
I am also a last born child, of nine kids. I did not grow up doing a whole lot in our house – on the domestic end, that is – because there was always someone else to pick up the slack.
Also in our family, men fixed things – my dad was a hands-on building contractor and brought up his 4 boys to be like him.
So I was not exactly prepped and groomed to love chores or work.
Some of our biggest fights in our early years of marriage came from sweet husband not helping enough around the house.
Mercifully and over time, I began to figure out thus;
A happy marriage is made up of two people who decide to carry their own weight..and sometimes the other person’s weight.
I can’t be waiting on my husband to do things for me all the time.
It’s plain tiring, not to mention super upsetting for both of us.
You and I, we must figure out the things we are good at.
Are you better at keeping track of your finances? Have a discussion about it and pick it up.
Been having a really rough day and need some pampering? Go get your nails done, meet up with a girl friend.
Don’t lay it on him to do and be all things things for you.
Now this is not to say that your husband shouldn’t grow or change. My husband has changed over the years; he now cooks, does laundry and does most of the things I wept for as a new bride.
We had to work through some hard stuff and grow up. But at the end of the day you dear wife have to figure out where to fill in the gaps, especially in this season of the “in between.”
Do what you can do, even when it’s inconvenient. Pray hard. Be led of the Spirit.
4. Do it together (his way!)
You know how we sometimes think that things can get done faster/easier/better if we do them ourselves?
As wives we imagine that delegating is more tedious, thus we prefer to keep all the controls.
The other day my husband was trying to fix us lunch in the kitchen.
I was so excited about it – he was speaking my love language in a megaphone!.
But within no time, I found myself in the kitchen, giving directions and trying to show him how to cook.
My husband quickly extracted my fingers from the stirring spoon and shooed me out of the kitchen!
So I got a clue. I sat my pretty self on the kitchen seat.
He cooked, we chatted.
We did it together – he cooked, I was awesome company.
What can you do together with your husband? Maybe he’s not a big fan of a chore or errand, can you offer to do it together? His way?
Can you explain that it’s not just about the chore itself but how it makes you feel?
Will you purposely slow down, quit interrupting his efforts, give up control?
We will get a lot done in our marriages once we learn to dive in and work together as a team!
Question – What have I left out? How do you get things done in your marriage? How do you convince your husband to do what you want without nagging 🙂