Many single women are afraid of marriage because of the negative things they’ve heard about the institution.
Listening to their horror stories often reminds me of my own fears from when I was single.
After observing several failed marriages and other unhappy ones, I too wondered about the possibility of a real “happily ever after“.
Now that I am married I can assure the unmarried of these 2 things.
1. A happy marriage is a choice.
The same way you make a choice to live a happy single life is the way you make a choice to have a happy married life.
It’s very easy to hear all the sad stories about marriage and start thinking your marriage – when the time comes – will be the same.
But you make a choice for sadness or happiness.
There are more healthy marriages in the Christian world, than there are unhealthy broken ones. (Source)
So as a single person, you don’t have to listen and try to make every sad story a reality in your life.
You might not be actively trying to recreate brokenness but there are things that easily sabotage your quest for a happy marriage.
Like passivity, swallowing negative reports, ignorance, a lack of faith.
I like the following quotes on the intentionality of marriage.
– Having a great marriage isn’t rocket science, it’s simply a choice – Kristine Carlson (Click to tweet)
– People stay married because they want to, not because the doors are locked. Paul Newman (Click to tweet)
– You get out of marriage what you put into it – Ngina Otiende (Click to tweet)
– The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out – Ronald Reagan
2. There’s a grace for marriage (that isn’t obvious when you are single)
I don’t know about other marrieds and do tell me if you experienced this;
There’s a whole new grace and understanding about life and doing life with another person, that sweeps in once you get married.
And if you truly want your marriage to work and honor God, He releases an ability and desire to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult.
As a single person, it’s hard to perceive these marriage dynamics, hard to imagine how it all works out.
Don’t overstress and worry about the intricacies of married life because they cannot be understand in that side of the altar.
You have to be married to understand how marriage works.
Once you cross over, the same God who helped you live a thriving single life will help you create a wonderful marriage.
Here are 5 things I was afraid of before marriage!
I had been well-prepped but I was still worried about the whole idea of yielding my strong Choleric will to a husband.
I also talk about it in my new book, which you can pick here.
2. Getting married to a man who doesn’t show affection
I wanted to marry a strong, creative, romantic guy who wasn’t afraid to hold my hand, kiss me, hug me, wrestle (playfully!) and initiate all the lovin!
3. Keeping a home
I was a responsibility-phobic last born child. I was hopeless as far as the kitchen and all domestics were concerned.
4. Raising kids
I guess because I am last born of 9 kids and did not have the opportunity to play big-sister to a younger sibling!
So I grew up with me-myself-and-I mentality.
It was hard when the nieces and nephews started kicking me out of my beloved last-born perch!
5. Losing my last name
When we were courting, I asked (or maybe told) my then-boyfriend-now-husband what he thought about me hyphenating his name to my last name.
“I like the sound of Ngina Kariuki-Otiende instead of Ngina Otiende”
I was a proud daddy’s girl and could not imagine losing that identity!
So did it all work out?
#1 I had to work through it! (Refer to # 5 in this list!)
#2 He showers me with affection and lovin’! Yaay Lord!
#3 Some of our biggest conflicts started in the kitchen! Cos I married a fellow domestic-phobic almost-last born man! Lol. Refer to # 5
#4 We don’t have kids yet. I’ve had “practice” with nieces and nephews…I reckon I’m not doing too bad on this! 😉
#5a. My official documents still read my father’s name – our move sort of disrupted the change-of-name-process – but I am sooo proud and happy to have and use my husband’s name!
#5b All but one of my fears, I had to work through to find victory! Because sometimes God does not deliver you by way of stopping certain situations from happening in your life but but by holding your hand and growing you up as you go through them!
Your turn: did you have any fears about marriage and how did you work through them? What encouragement would you share with a single person who is afraid of marriage? Let’s talk in Comments!
And don’t forget to pick up more insights on how I worked through many fears and challenges as a newlywed, and how you too can navigate the early years of marriage when you buy my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years. Buy here Amazon Paperback I Amazon for Kindle I Barnes & Noble for Nook I PDF