A lot of single women are afraid of marriage because of the negative things they’ve heard about the institution.
Listening to their horror stories often reminds me of my own fears from when I was single.
After observing several failed marriages and other unhappy ones, I too wondered at the possibility of a real “happily ever after“.
But I was able to overcome my fears.
If you are single and afraid of marriage, here are two things I can assure you about marriage
1. A happy marriage is a choice
It’s easy to hear all the sad stories about marriage and start thinking your marriage – when the time comes – will be the same.
But you make a choice for sadness or happiness.
The same way you make a choice to live a happy single life is the same way you make a choice to have a happy married life.
Plus there are more healthy marriages in the Christian world, than there are unhealthy broken ones. (Source)
So as a single person, you don’t have to listen to and try to make every sad story a reality in your life.
I know you might not be actively trying to recreate brokenness but there are things that easily sabotage your quest for a happy marriage.
Like passivity, believing negative reports, ignorance, a lack of faith. So work on these! And you can start your journey by browsing the hundreds of resources on this website on how to create a happy healthy marriage.
2. There’s a grace for marriage that isn’t obvious when you are single
There’s a whole new grace and understanding about life and doing life with another person, that sweeps in once you get married.
And if you truly want your marriage to work and honor God, He releases an ability and desire to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult.
As a single person, it’s hard to perceive these marriage dynamics, hard to imagine how it all works out.
Don’t over-stress and worry about the intricacies of married life because they cannot be understood in that side of the altar.
You have to be married to understand how marriage works.
Once you cross over, the same God who helped you live a thriving single life will help you create a wonderful marriage.
Afraid of marriage?
Here are 5 things I was afraid of before marriage (and how I overcome them!)
1. I was scared of the “s” word (Submission)
I had been well-prepped but I was still worried about the whole idea of yielding my strong Choleric will to a husband.
I also talk about submission in much detail in my new book, which you can pick here.
2. Afraid of getting married to a man who doesn’t show affection
I wanted to marry a strong, creative, romantic guy who wasn’t afraid to hold my hand, kiss me, hug me, wrestle (playfully!) and initiate all the lovin!
3. Keeping a home
I was a responsibility-phobic last born child. I was hopeless as far as the kitchen and all domestics were concerned.
4. Raising kids
I guess because I am last born of 9 kids and did not have the opportunity to play big-sister to a younger sibling!
So I grew up with me-myself-and-I mentality.
It was hard when the nieces and nephews started kicking me out of my beloved last-born perch!
5. Losing my last name
When we were courting, I asked (or maybe told) my then-boyfriend-now-husband what he thought about me hyphenating his name to my last name.
“I like the sound of Ngina Kariuki-Otiende instead of Ngina Otiende”
I was a proud daddy’s girl and could not imagine losing that identity!
So did it all work out?
#1 I had to work through it! (Refer to # 5 in this list!)
#2 He showers me with affection and lovin’! Yaay Lord!
#3 Some of our biggest conflicts started in the kitchen! Cos I married a fellow domestic-phobic almost-last born man! Lol. Refer to # 5
#4 We don’t have kids yet. I’ve had “practice” with nieces and nephews…I reckon I’m not doing too bad on that! 😉
#5a. My official documents still read my father’s name – our move sort of disrupted the change-of-name-process – but I am sooo proud and happy to have and use my husband’s name!
#5b All but for one of my fears, I had to work through to find victory! Because sometimes God does not deliver you by way of stopping certain situations from happening in your life but but by holding your hand and growing you up as you go through them!
Your turn: did you have any fears about marriage and how did you work through them? What encouragement would you share with a single person who is afraid of marriage? Let’s talk in Comments!
Don’t forget to pick up more insights on how I worked through many fears and challenges as a newlywed, and how you too can navigate the early years of marriage. Because the early years are not all rainbows and sunshine but they can be the best years for building the greatest foundation for a marriage that lasts. Check out Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years. Buy here Amazon Paperback I Amazon for Kindle I Barnes & Noble for Nook I PDF