7 Ways Marriage has Made Me a Better Person

Marriage | Personal Growth

Most of us enter marriage with an exaggerated sense of importance.

Personally, and even though I didn’t know it at that time, I thought I was a gift to the world, saved and sanctified with a halo around my head.

Then I got married.

Oh the shake-down!

My hubby (okay, God, through my hubby) was all over my halo – Iron sharpening iron.

Now just about the only thing I am sure about is my sanctification with His blood. That’s it! 🙂

Here’s 7 ways marriage has made me a better person;

1. Made me a better negotiator.

I no longer walk off in huff when I don’t get my way. I don’t demand my way, huff and puff and hold others at ransom.

I have learned the value of being calm. I am learning how to hear with the second ear, beyond the spoken word.

I am learning the delicate art of working on heart issues, not just toddling with visible challenges.

2. Made me a little tougher.

I don’t have to win arguments.  At least not all of them and not right away 🙂

I can cook and clean, generally keep a home without causing a raucous.

I am not a naturally patient person but I have grown.

3. Solidified life purpose.

Getting married to a man who dreams your dream is a God thing. Two is better than one (in God’s timing! ).

Having an encourager in this life is a gift and a miracle.

4. Taught me to shut up.

I like stating my opinions and do not like someone else to speak for me. I like my words, my expressions, my emphasis.

When I got married, I found that hubby spoke (still does) for us.

A lot.

In public.

I tried to swing in my angles and clarifications once in while. But pretty soon I discovered that two talking heads is not a pretty sight.

I’ve learned to’ let it go’.

Not that I don’t speak in public (infact I married a quiet man), I do. Just that when he talks, I don’t need to add, correct, affirm, make sure am heard.

At least not right there and then in public 🙂

7 ways marriage has made me a better person

5. Helped me see he will never make a good girlfriend.

He is completely irrevocably wonderfully dude!

I think this revelation can save us women a lot heart trouble and angst.

(Now, how to remember that gem when we need it!)

6. Rescued me from claustrophobia.

I didn’t know that I don’t like sharing closet space. Especially with a ‘sharee’ who operates on an entirely different standard!

Marriage has been a great cure, considering that this cleaving thing goes ways beyond sharing closet space.

We share life-space. 

I am always choosing between selfishness and awesomeness in marriage.

7. I am okay.

I should be growing as a person yes. But God loves and accepts me as I am.

He doesn’t want me to be my husband.

And He doesn’t want me to change my husband to be like me.

And on that note I should not play Holy Ghost jnr in our marriage.

You don’t have to be married..

I agree. You don’t have to get married to learn all this…

But some of us had to!

Question – How has your marriage (or other close relationship, if you are single) made you a better person? Please share in Comments.


  1. Seriously checked off ever.single.one and said, Yep, yep, yep and yep. I relate to this post on so many levels!! I’m only 6 1/2 years into marriage, and am still growing and learning, but marriage is a refining fire and God uses it to mature us.

    1. Ha, glad you identify, Rosilind! Definitely, marriage is a refining institution!

  2. Love these points Ngina..You know you make such profound statements and with every successful marriage both individuals need to believe in each others dreams. My wife has stood by me through everything in life and all the mistakes I’ve made yet she is a rock and believes in me so much. This was an awesome post and it needs to be shared.

    1. Finally able to comment 🙂 My Disqus has been acting up and wasn’t able to access the comment box.
      I agree with you in believing in each others’ dreams. I tell my single friends that they need to marry someone who dreams their dream. That’s the best way they will both need understanding and support down the road. That support can be hard to come when you do not start out on the same page. You and your wife are such great examples. I glean alot from you, in your posts and mentions. Thanks for being an example and encouragement.

  3. Great Post ! ! As always. For some of us I think the pointers can be used as prayer points in preparation to this “cleaving thing” as you call it!! “Made me a better negotiator”. Not demanding or just expecting!

    1. haha, cleaving is one of marriage’s middle name! Am glad you learned something and have set yourself on that learning path. Thank you so much for reading and sharing!

  4. Great points!!!

    I’m blown away about how much my wife believes and speak positively about my dreams of writing and speaking. She can see my potential and passions even when I don’t, then she motives and encourages me to move toward them.

    1. Your wife is your blessing and miracle Dan :)! Nothing beats encouragement and support from our spouses. Thank you for reading and adding to the conversation.

  5. davejarnold16@gmail.com says:

    Ngina – really great post. Marriage has the tendency to bring out the best in us and the worst :). But I believe it’s one of God’s greatest tools (and gifts) to make us more like Himself. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Totally agree with you Dave! You’ve said something I believed in my single days (and still believe that todate) – That marriage is God’s idea of making us like Himself. Thank you for reading and sharing

  6. I love love the lessons you’ve shared. Thanks for disclaimer “You don’t need to get married to learn all this”. I’ll be busy learning and applying these lessons while I am single.

    You inspire me Ngina because you talk about marriage as it is, as an institution that is made up of two imperfect people. I thank God that He saves us from ourselves 🙂 through relationships with other people.

    Lesson 1,2 and 7, I learned from a past relationship. I am also solidifying purpose as well.

    I believe that relationships with authentic people who accept their faults and take responsibility for their lives has also impacted me to do the same. Great post!

    1. “I thank God that He saves us from ourselves 🙂 through relationships with other people.” – JepB, you have spoken like 5 wise women sitting on a stone (or something like that – as we’d say in Kenya).

      Marriage truly does save some of us from ourselves! And some of us need a whole lot of saving..lol.

      The lessons may not feel pretty when learning them, but they are true life savers. I am glad you are stretching and growing. Thank you for sharing

      1. That’s funny hahaha. And thanks, am humbled. You are one of those wise women too 🙂

        I agree on the lessons. We win when we choose to learn the lessons fast.

  7. Ngina, awesome post. I have learned though my marriage many of the things you share in your post. Especially about learning how negotiate and getting little tougher.

  8. I’m like you, Ngina. It took me learning that it’s not all about me to find true happiness. I’m not saying I we don’t get irritated with each other now and then, but it’s all about us, not her or me. Then with kids I only realized it deeper.

    Great points and reminders. I think we all need them.

    1. Am glad we are all growing Floyd. i think we never really get perfect, we just keep growing. We don’t have kids so i can only imagine the added depth 🙂 Thank you so much for reading and sharing

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