My dad was a strong proud African man and in my mind he was a rock; not needing anything from anyone, but climbing up the hero ladder and accomplishing great things.
At least from my position as his 9th born child, he did.
He put cattle rustlers to flight, prowled our farm at night with a pack of fierce dogs and weaponry to kept wild animals from destroying crop.
He donned a veterinary hat and wrestled 900 pound bulls by himself, was the go-to problem solver of the neighborhood, built our home from scratch. And on went on the fame of my father.
Accomplishing great things without a fuss. Or mush.
Kept his distance and not a whiff of softness.
I brought that unconscious image to my marriage.
There were no cattle rustlers to chase down (thank God) or gigantic bulls to force inky medicine down their throat. But there was that leaky tap. A hole in my needy heart which needed an endless supply of affection and love.
Duties and roles to be fulfilled. Ability to give everything and need nothing from me in return.
Crafting lasting bliss
If you’ve been married longer than a week, you might be laughing at my naivety – you’ve correctly figured out your husband has needs too. They might not be the same as yours – or as obvious – but they are there.
It takes a minute, in the early days of marriage to fully appreciate that lasting bliss is not built on air or re-living our pasts and comparing it to the present.
But from waking up, rolling up our sleeves and crafting our own happily ever after.
To create your sweet bliss and obliterate those annoying honeymoon blues, we must be willing to leave our cushy single-minded shores and paddle towards our beloved.
We have enter his world and serve him the way we want to be served.
So here are a few things to keep in mind regarding your husband’s needs.
8 things your husband can’t get enough of
1. Your encouragement & support
People can say all kinds of nice things to your husband but no other opinion matters as much yours.People can say all kinds of nice things to your husband but no other opinion matters as much yours.
Many husband will not shout about this need from the rooftops and quite often, it’s up to you as a wife to discern the “times and seasons” – constantly seek to come alongside and live up to your name of helpmate. You know, the same way you hope he will discern areas you need support and encouragement.
This post gives you tips on how to love your man through all seasons.
2. Your smile and laughter
Nothing makes a husband happier than the ability to make his wife laugh and smile. I loved it when my dad walked around our sprawling compound whistling; it made me feel like the world was okay.
A good marriage isn’t build by one giant leap but through small steps which add up over time. Small things like laughing at his jokes, even when you’ve heard them a thousand times before.
Shared smiles and inner jokes. Working to be a pleasurable human. Being a sweet fragrance in his world.
Read other 36 tips
3. Your body
But husbands want more than a body; he wants all of you.
Through physical intimacy, a husband feels loved and connected to his wife. And the wife feels emotionally and physically connected to her husband.
If a bubble bath sounds more enticing than your husband at the end of a long day, you might want to check out this amazing e-course (affiliate link) which is geared towards helping wives awaken their desire, start the spark in the bedroom so marriage can be fun again -> “Click here to check out “Boost Your Libido E-Course”
If you are in one of the 25% of marriages where the wife is the higher-drive-spouse, please read this post – To the wife with the higher sex drive
4. Your prayers
I wrote about the power of prayer in marriage a few weeks ago.
Read it here.
5. Your respect and admiration
There’s not one singular that all husbands translate respect and admiration; you need to learn your husband’s specific language.
The bottom line; he needs respect as much as you need love. Of course you need respect too and he needs love but sometimes there’s a difference. Read about the difference here. And why he wants to be celebrated, not tolerated, here.
6. Your mind
He wants to know, really know what’s on your mind without having to guess all the time. He needs your perspective, your wisdom and counsel. He needs his partner.
7. Your understanding
That he’s a man, he’ll never make a good girlfriend. That sometimes he needs a little man space and when he comes back he’ll still find you.
Read this post on “16 things you should not do as a wife”.
He doesn’t have to do all the he does, doesn’t have to be all he is to you. But he’s chosen to be and to do.
God’s been working on my attitude lately. I was taking some things too seriously and life had become very hard and all I could see was the things that were not done.
So He’s been reminding me to count my blessings, not my troubles. (Psalm 103;1-2)
A spirit and attitude of gratitude can change everything. He doesn’t have to “deserve” it, doesn’t have to be a big thing. A “thanks for getting the milk, I know you had to go out of your way in that traffic” is a nice thing to say.
So there are my 8 things!
There are many areas to step up as wives, what other areas can you add? What areas do you struggle? Let’s talk in comments.
Post linked to Messy Marriage, we are That family, Wise woman, Wifey Wednesday, Titus 2sdays