So what does it mean to be an easy to please wife?
I was sitting at a Subway restaurant, waiting for my husband to finish up a meeting and reading this book by Kevin Leman, Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage when I come across these words;
Men are more fragile than most women realize. They want to be pleasers and their feelings get hurt far more than many women will ever know
I was floored. Because up until that point, this girl didn’t know how deeply men desire to please their wives. And how much it hurts them when they fall short.
See, most of us were taught that men are tough and brash and if there is anyone with the pleasing gene in a marriage relationship? It’s the woman!
It’s not that I don’t know my husband likes to please me. It’s just that I forget how much he wants to please me.
My pastor used to say, “men have a soft under belly.” i.e hard exterior but their hard shell covers a softer side.
Anyway, by now I am thinking “Goodness, am I easy to please??” Or do I make it incredibly hard for my husband to make me happy?
I come clean with myself.
I am not always easily pleased.
I look at life in terms of “the ideal,” not actual reality.
There’s a way I want my marriage to be and until it gets there, I am on work-mode, not thanks-mode: so focused on getting my marriage to this idealized level that I lose my please-ability.
What does it mean to be an easy to please wife?
So what does it mean to be a wife who is easily pleased?
Being an easily pleased wife means that your husband easily feels your appreciation and gratitude for all he is or does.
You are regularly satisfied by who he is and the efforts he make. You are not selective with appreciation but you make a point to notice all he does, not just some of the things he does.
Being easily pleased does not mean you gloss over issues and settle for less than what God wants for your marriage.
It just means hubby doesn’t have to slay a giant for him to feel “I am the man!”
You are easy to love and pleasure.
So here’s a test, to know if you are a wife who is easy to please
1. You say “thank you” often
Not just for the big things, but for the everyday mundane.
Like getting you a glass of water, making the bed.
I am working on my 2nd book and this is what I wrote about gratitude;
One of my husband’s love language is words of affirmation. Men have it as a primary love language because they thrive on respect and one of the ways you speak respect is through affirmation.
I have learned that whenever I affirm my husband, I am not only building him, I am building me. I am building my view of him.
It’s like I am in my own class, learning what makes my husband such a great guy. The words I speak are seeds planted in the soil of my heart which bloom and yield their fruit in season.
A time will come when I’ll think my husband is not as awesome and it’s the seed that I planted in brighter times which fuels and powers me through the “drought”!”
Gratitude reveals the atmosphere of your heart.
Typically as wives we think “why should I say thanks for that, it’s his job, isn’t it?”
or “When was the last time he thanked me for fixing his dinner and ironing his shirts and keeping his home! ”
Or “Saying thanks will give him a big head and he won’t ever do it again!”
I’ve gone down that road too. And each time God reminds me, “It’s not about him, it’s about what I expect from you”
We don’t do good deeds so man can notice and reward us. Matthew 6:4.
We do good deeds so that our Father in Heaven may notice and (one day) say “well done, good and faithful servant”
If gratitude is a challenge for you – and all of us fail often- here’s what you can do;
Change your perspective; think about what God expects from you and what gratitude does for you.
2. Your husband has an easy air about him
Have you ever been around a couple and the husband seemed a little hen-pecked, in-drawn, with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes..and his wife seems oblivious to all that?
I once met a couple like that. (My husband and I have had moments when we were less than lovely as a couple, so I am not pointing fingers here, just trying to make a point.)
I met the man first and was struck by his somewhat mixed-up mannerism. Young, smart, sharp and successful but harassed and shifty, with a detached air about him.
And then I met his wife. And I understood why.
She was chronically displeased, rarely satisfied and unable to let go of every-day angsts.
And whenever they came to see me about something (I worked in real estate then), her husband would hang back, hunched over or leave all together.
I don’t know what else this husband and wife were going through. But my point is – you don’t need to look far to know if you are a wife who is easy to please.
Just look at your man.
Make my wife happy: home means everything to him
For most guys, home is everything.
If they succeed at home, they are happy and rearing to go into the world and cause ripples.
I don’t know of any guy who got married because he found a girl he wanted to annoy the rest of her life. People joke about that, but it’s not true.
Most guys get married because they found a girl who they make very happy and dream of making her happy the rest of her life.
The problem though is that we girls are natural nit-pickers. We are the details end of the relationship and we like to major on the details that are incorrect.
But happiness does not increase as we major on what’s wrong, it increases as we major on what’s right.
I have a challenge for you this week
1. Purpose to add a zip to your husbands step by being appreciative for the mundane and ordinary.
Do not over think it!
“Crazy traffic today! I am soo glad to have a guy who fights that amount of traffic to get home early, every day”
Be intentional about it.
You don’t somehow waddle or fall into gratitude and please-ability. It’s something you work at, not something that happens automatically.
2. Ask God to help you become a more grateful person
And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7
And remember that when we ask God to increase a virtue, we are hit with a test in that very area!
So don’t be surprised that after you pray and ask God to help you become a more grateful person, stuff will come at you that make you feel very ungrateful.
That’s God, trying to help you grow!
3. Read these posts for more practical instructions on being an easy to please wife:
I hope these thoughts get you thinking and growing this week!
Are you wrestling with feelings of overwhelm in new marriage? Is shutting down, fussing, anger, passive-aggressiveness common place in your relationship? Do you want to bring back the feelings of closeness and warmth you once enjoyed? Or maybe you just want to love better, create the marriage of your dreams. Your marriage can change! Get on the road to a great marriage when you pick up my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After In The Early Years. Buy it > Amazon I Barnes & Noble I PDF