Does your marriage need dream balancing?
Last week, we looked at what to do when individual ambition, or the speed there of, collide in marriage. In case you missed the post, read it here.
A friend brought up something in Comments that had me thinking; it so happens that in our marriage I am generally the impatient one.
My husband is the think-it-through be-sure kind-of-guy while I want things to be done like yesterday, save the details for later.
As I thought about the contradiction (wanting to slow down my husband on some of his ambitions while owning the “speed” crown) I began to think that maybe my agitation has to do with wanting more control more than my husband’s speed.
Also (and Floyd expounded on this in Comments) over the years and as my husband and I have become better at talking out the details of individual and shared goals, I’ve noticed my apprehension has lessened.
So without trying to tie this up (there’s not neat tie-up in my head!) and while we must look within and get over ourselves and our fears, hashing out and talking about the details of your plans can help ease some of these speed-anxieties!
On to today’s thoughts..
I tell singles to marry someone who dreams their dream, someone who shares their vision.
But I don’t always emphasize enough that at some point down the one-flesh road, the oneness and unity of vision will be sorely tested.
As life changes and different things come into play (finances, career moves, children e.t.c) your attention and passion will be pulled into several different directions.
The dream might still be there, but other things will seem like they have taken priority.
After going through some financial disasters, navigating and understanding our different personalities, moving continents e.t.c my husband I have found ourselves at that place in marriage on more than one occasion.
And to be honest my initial response has not always been faith or maturity. But fear, impatience, anger and blame.
But God doesn’t leave me there.
And one of the biggest things He’s helped me see, whenever it looks like our big dream has taken a back seat in my husband’s heart, is this;
He (God) has me exactly where He wants me
He shows me that at some point, and before He brings any of our dreams to pass, He has to remove every prop I am leaning on.
One of my biggest prop is my husband – or rather the belief that my husband has to do certain things in a certain way at a certain time for us to move from point A to point B in our dreams.
So me for to get that it’s God, not my husband, who makes things happen for us, He has to get him out the picture, at least from my perspective.
(And just so you know, whenever am busy worrying about a “waning passion”, my husband is often busy pursuing something that’s equally important to our everyday well being and sustenance.)
The one-flesh dynamic
At the end of the day and when it comes to chasing your vision as a couple, I think it’s crucial to understand (really understand) Who is truly working out things on your behalf.
It’s one of those one-flesh dynamics that every couple has to learn – that while you may lean on each other to make things happen, both of you are ultimately leaning on God to make everything happen.
Teamwork is awesome but when one of the team members begins to have unrealistic expectations on a fellow team member, someone (in our case the Coach) has to step in and bring some sense into the game. (Click to Tweet)
I hope that the next time you feel the urge to blame or worry or fear about your dreams as a couple, you’ll choose to step back instead and ask the Lord what He is trying to get through to you.
Question – Do you have a common vision in your marriage? What are some of the challenges you’ve experienced as you move forward?
Want to learn how to work together as a couple without losing your mind? My book Blues to Bliss may help! I show you how to pursue unity, instead of “self” so you can be more as a couple. Click here to learn more and to find purchase links.
Linking with Proverbs 31, Titus 2sdays, Messy Marriage, we are that Family, Wifey Wednesday, Marriage Mondays