Is it possible to love your husband too much?
I try to keep a marriage journal titled “Why I love my husband.”
I was making a new entry today when I glanced up the page and read something my husband shared a few weeks ago.
I laughed so hard (enough to worry the neighbors, I think!) and immediately reached for my phone.
I sent my husband a text, which led to a back-and-forth..lots of preposterous gooey messages.
We finished texting and I tried to get back to work.
“Is this for real?” I asked myself, a big smile plastered on my face as I finally set down the phone.
I expected a quick affirmation in my heart “oh yeah, it’s for real!”
But instead, my heart stalled.
And then an unsure cloud took over…
The marriage-unfriendly moments
It wasn’t new: the shadowy cloud, the hesitation and doubt.
There are days it has manifested in form of words when people have told me “you value marriage too much”, “you need to let go a little bit”.
Other times its the unspoken words – a pause, a quizzical look.
(Amazing how little words can cut deep and unspoken words shout so loud?)
I love my husband. He’s absolutely the best thing to happen to me after Jesus.
But I am also young in marriage.
I don’t have nearly as good shock absorbers.
When people (including myself, through self- doubt) punch holes in my marriage, when stuff rains on my wedded bliss, sometimes I want to collapse.
Words hurt, lack of supportive frazzles. It create shadows, long shadows that linger long after the words have been said.
When I love my husband too much: Letter to myself
Today, after laughing myself silly in our little study, all tingly about my man and our crazy life, as I brush away these dews of self doubt, I write a private- but-very-public note to myself.
I make it public because I suspect you dear wife will have moments like today.
Moments when blasts of doubt and negativity will try to squelch your young happily-ever-after.
And this what I write to myself
– It’s okay to love your husband until your sides hurt, to love him so much you think you are crazy.
– Always listen to the spirit behind the words you hear or read. And keep a guard over your heart, your eyes and ears.
– Sometimes there’ll be a lesson to catch; take the encouragement, cast out defeat.
It’s okay to love your husband and enjoy marriage so much that you want to ask if you are normal.
Because you see, you live in world that does not understand what God-normal looks like.
You live in a world that does not understand extraordinary.
It's okay to love your husband and enjoy marriage so much that you want to ask if you are normal. Because you see, you live in world that does not understand what God-normal looks like. You live in a world that does not understand extraordinary.
Here’s more truth to our soul;
Your life has changed for the better. You are guilty as charged; you are as happy as happy can be.
Your life is richer; the Bible agrees – two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
You are happier, more fulfilled; because the blessing of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrows to it.
Sure you can work on affections and priorities but everyone has to work on something, right? As for you, just keep Christ central.
And understand that God is not sitting in heaven waiting for you to mess up.
He is rooting for the success of your marriage!
So.
Yeah.
Love that man. Love him better than you did yesterday.
Enjoy him, enjoy the gift he is. Keep God first and you’ll love, enjoy and ignite the gift and love in others too.
Yours truly,
your balanced self
Question – Have you been overwhelmed by God’s extravagance lately?
Are you madly in love with your husband but suspect your marriage can be better? Or maybe you are the imperfect girl married to an imperfect guy (like the rest of us!) who is tired of the fussing and distance. You long to restore joy, healing and happiness to your marriage. You long to love better, create the marriage of your dreams, God’s way. My book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years might help! Learn how to work out the kinks, find joy in imperfection, positively influence your marriage and create the marriage of your dreams, one intentional choice at a time. Start your journey when you buy the book –> Paperback I Kindle I Barnes & Noble I PDF
Omgosh!!! I so love your post!!! I am 34 and my husband and I have been married for 16 years. Together 20+. People’s first reaction is that they don’t believe us. The ones who know of us can’t understand how we spend every breath possible together and also mutally want to. The ones who truly know, know up front we are a package deal.
I recently had a day off from work for 2 doctors appointments. Normally my husband rakes off and goes with me but we are saving vacation time for an upcoming trip. The day was meaningless. That is all I can think to describe it. I can’t exist without him. I had no plan, agenda, other stops I made because I did not know how to “be” without him by my side. My friends and co-workers thought this to be absurd. Even though most seen it coming. Some say its not healthy. I think, is something wrong with me? But no! This is what love is to us. It makes us happy. Ecstatic. We function better together. I can’t be sorry for that or believe something is wrong with me. This is what God wants. I know he is happy for us. After all, he knew it all along. 🙂
Sooooo sooo glad to find a kindred spirit Rachael! What a beautiful testimony you and your hubby have! When I grow up I want to be just like you..lol! Lets continue to shine His light and love! Thanks for encouraging me with your great words today!
Aw thank you so much!! Have a great day! 🙂
Love this, Ngina: “Love that man. Love him better than you did yesterday. Enjoy him, enjoy the gift he is. Keep God first and you’ll love, enjoy and ignite the gift and love in others too.” Makes me want to go and love my man!
haha, go Barb! 🙂 🙂
I love that idea of keeping a list of the ways you love your husband, Ngina! I’m going to start that today! I remember hearing Greg Smalley talk about how his dad, Gary Smalley referred to a similar list he’d kept and wrote about his love for his wife just after he’d gotten into a fight with his wife. It brought perspective to him at a time when feeling the love was difficult. Thanks so much for sharing and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
Amen! i am so glad the post has encouraged you in that direction Beth! It’s such a great way to remind ourselves about the blessing our husbands are! And we do need the reminders, esp when the ‘love’ feelings go out of the window!
And i love going through it and reminding myself all the things he is and has done. Cos i have a poor memory (i think most wives do..what with all the mile-long to-do and to-be list) The never ending list helps me keep perspective, stay thankful and in love!
Happy thanksgiving to you and your family!
Thanks for the reminder to be gentle… That’s something many men struggle with. It’s good to laugh and joke, but I can tend to go a bit to far. Your public and private letter speaks to all hearts. Thanks for sharing it.
You got a bit too far with the jokes too, Floyd? 🙂 🙂 You and my husband are cut (i suspect, happily so) from the same cloth! 🙂 🙂