Change Begins With Me

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 Am honored to host Maureen Bomett as a guest blogger today. More about Maureen at the end of this post

“Don’t change the player, change the game.”

I recently heard these words in a movie. In life I often want the players to change. Not me. Them.

For example, I want my boss and colleagues to change. At home, I want my siblings to change.

Yet change begins with me.

In all these circumstances, I am an outside force who cannot make others change against their will. I happen to be the common factor – the only person that can actually change.

Jim Rohn says “The only change that is really going to dramatically affect your life is you”.

Any true change begins with me.

This is how Marcel Proust phrased it,

“The real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands but in seeing with new eyes.”

Simply put, if you change nothing, nothing changes.

How do we look at ‘the old lands with new eyes’?

Change begins with me. 3 reasons why

Here are three ways:

1. Admit it

Problems persist because we deny them.

And what makes a problem big is simply that it’s yours.

If you found yourself in the hospital with an injury, would you walk around, pointing out the injuries of others in the emergency room? Or would you be making a beeline to the doctor’s office to find healing for your own pain?

We tend to have it all wrong when it comes to real life. Everyone has problems. No one is perfect. But we want to fix the the person first before fixing ourselves.

Alcoholics Anonymous have used this in their 12 step program. The first step deals with breaking the cycle of denial and dealing in truth about the situation.

Don’t underestimate the power of admitting any problem. Admit your problem, and then begin the journey to finding a solution.

2. Make the grass greener on your side.

“… if you take the time to water your own grass it would be just as green.” Unknown

You need to take responsibility. If a problem exists, say in a relationship, you are most likely part of the problem. Doesn’t really matter whose fault it was at the beginning. Seek to create solutions.

You make the grass greener on your side by taking the initiative. Do something first.

You must also understand that change is a process, not an event. A Kenyan proverb says, “Little by little fills the pot.” Small changes – in our thoughts, behavior, words – indicate progress.

The entire situation might seem unresponsive at first, but consistent small steps will eventually bear fruit.  Remember that the grass does not become green in one day. It has to be planted first. Then nurtured.

3. Distinguish between intentions and expectations

Intentions come from the heart. You take responsibility for your own intentions.

Expectations on the other hand are placed on others. You can hope for something but it’s never guaranteed that you will have it.

Unfulfilled expectations often lead to stress, fear or disappointment while true intentions – the only thing you can really control – will increase your enthusiasm and joy of living.

Learn to sow good seeds. For example, you can decide, “I want to be honest with my boss” instead of “My boss has to be honest with me.” Just as you are a work in progress, the other party is.

Question: How else can you change yourself? Share your thoughts in comments below.

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About Maureen

Maureen is a tech enthusiast and writer who is in love with God and new beginnings. Through her writing, she seeks to inspire hope and help others live a fulfilling life. She lives in Nairobi, Kenya. Connect with Maureen on her blog and Twitter.

15 Comments

  1. Haha, you are so funny – I loved the emergency room example! If only I would remember to go to the Healer first rather than harping on the “injuries” of those who injure me!

    1. Hi Barb! Good to read (hear) from you. Hope you’ve had a great fruitful restful time. Love your deeper insight on this…’go to the Healer first instead of harping on the injuries in those who have hurt me. Thanks for sharing that with us.

    2. Barb, we have those emergency room experiences don’t we 🙂 Great insight about going to the Healer. God is our refuge we can trust. Thanks for reading and sharing.

  2. Ngina, three great ways to change ourselves. I particularly agree with making sure the grass is greener on our side. I have heard it said, that if the grass looks greener on the other side, chances are you are not watering your grass. Being honest with ourselves will help us see the change we need to make.

    1. Thanks Juan. I love that quote about watering the grass on our side. Well said about honesty with ourselves, that’s when change begins. I appreciate you reading and sharing with us.

  3. If we want to see any type of personal change then it must begin with the person in the mirror. I think it’s important to have people around to help us identify those areas we need to change. It has the ability to shed light on what needs to be changed then it requires us to take action on what others have seen. Great points and thoughts.

    1. Dan, that is a great point. People help us identity what needs to change and we needd to take action to effect change. I love how you referred to the mirror analogy ~ it works anytime. I appreciate you reading and sharing with us.

  4. Betty Draper says:

    So true, any change starts with me. And God has given us the courage to make the changes and the wisdom to know how, when and what to change. Great post…truths we need to hear often.

    1. Thanks Betty, I appreciate your insights on courage. To change we need courage and God provides us with that when we need to.

      Thanks for reading and sharing.

  5. Hey Ngina, thanks for the honor to be a guest blogger on your platform today. It’s new world to me and you welcomed me with open arms, God bless you.

  6. Floyd Samons says:

    I think when a person gives up on trying to implement change in their life, they quit living for a purpose. A life without purpose is not much of a life.

    Wisdom is the key to all change I think. To see ourselves in the proper order in the world helps. Interestingly, I don’t think God allows a problem to ever go away until the lesson is learned. The problems rarely change until a perspective does…

    Thanks for the reminder.

    1. You shared so much in your comment Floyd. Couldn’t have said it any better about purpose as you have. We need to implement change in our personal lives to live in purpose.

      This is priceless insight, “God allows a problem to ever go away until the lesson is learned.” I’ve seen it personally and well, the circumstances don’t get pretty until we change perspective. We definitely need wisdom from God.

      Thanks for reading and sharing.

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