Dear Conservative Christians, Maybe The World Isn’t Trying to Emasculate Men 

A week ago, Harrison Butker, the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, made headlines for a speech he delivered at Benedictine College, a private Catholic university in Kansas.

In his 20-minute speech, the 28-year-old weighed in on different issues. It is his message to the graduating women that I want to address.

I re-shared a short clip on my Facebook page. You can watch it here. But here’s what Butker says:

Harrison Butker and Conservative Christian Views

To some, Harrison Butker’s thinking is outside the mainstream. To others, he’s a hero.

As someone who supports women as they develop clarity around healthy messages and their impact on their relationships, I see the footballer as one of many men who have no problem saying quiet parts out loud (E.g., Josh Howerton, Driscoll, John-Paul Miller, etc.).

Butker’s speech, in my view, shows how interconnected ultra conservatism is and how they all operate from the same belief systems. Beliefs like women are nothing more than men’s little helpers, and that they derive their entire identity from serving others.

Butker told the graduating women their biggest desires: He phrased it as a guess, but it’s a constant assumption that men, by virtue of having male parts, know what women should desire (be wives to them, birth children and keep their home.)

Of course, women can have degrees and stay at home if they want. They can have careers and businesses if that’s what they want. The point is that women should be able to make their own decisions without being told that one choice is better than the other. 

Butker is a successful footballer and a millionaire. His circumstances allow his wife to stay home (assuming that’s her choice) without financial strain. However, many people don’t have that luxury. They rely on dual incomes.

Women Pursuing a Career: Not a Diabolical Lie

After sharing the clip on my Facebook page, some commenters suggested that watching the complete speech would clear up any misinterpretations.

It doesn’t clear anything. The speech in its entirety is a problem. (I focused on the part he addressed women because here I look at problematic messages given to women.)

Still, I think the 1.15-minute clip should bother us and I don’t know what to tell anyone who watches it and considers it excellent advice to give to women, let alone graduating women.  

To suggest that women pursuing a career are falling for a diabolical lie, to present homemaking as a superior choice is just bad. And, like one Facebook commenter observed, where does that leave single women? Or women who get married and don’t have children?

It goes back to what I said earlier, that in some of these conservative faith spaces, women are nothing more than caretakers of men (and their homes) and birthers of children. If they ever attend college, it will still be a net zero.

Now, Butker received a standing ovation for his speech. The college invited him to speak. So, in his circles, he’s a hero. (Even Focus on the Family praised him.)  But in many other places, he is not a hero and I’m glad for the pushback. 

To those who think the issue is simply a matter of choice and that those of us who have a problem with it are railing against women choosing to stay at home, that’s not it. Not even close.

The point is that one choice is not better than the other. Women have been told one option is better, and that needs to stop.

Maybe the World isn’t Trying to Emasculate Men 

I was struck by how often the word “order” came up in Butker’s speech.

A common theme in conservative circles is the concern that men have been pushed away from their roles in the home and society, and the desire for them to regain their position.

Butler told the men, “..be unapologetic in your masculinity. Fight against the cultural emasculation of men. Do hard things. Never settle for what is easy.”

It would be lovely if he were talking about men doing their part to make the home and the world a healthy, safe place for all. But that’s not where he was going. 

Whenever unhealthy people or systems feel like they are losing control, they tend to respond by trying harder to get back what they think they are losing. It doesn’t occur to them (or most likely, it does, but it’s ignored) that THEY, in fact, might be the problem. 

That they might need to turn inward and examine who they are, their beliefs, perceptions, how they show up in the world, and their relationships.

Maybe the world isn’t trying to weaken men. Maybe women are not trying to take trying to take over. Maybe everything is just equalizing, like water seeking and finding its own level.

Maybe men need to do that, too. Accept that they are human and the world is better when they are healed.