Dear Frustrated Wife: Quit Trying to Live a Life You Haven’t Been Gifted

I was filling out my 2019 goal planner, and there was a section on exploring fears.

I am not a big fan of exploring fears; my personal preference is to drown them with hope and God’s Word.

But the planner I am using is thorough; it coaches you through the icky tedious places you love to ignore.

So I dug deep, thought long, wrote hard and as I did patterns began to emerge.

In a section about “meeting my fears”, I let loose on the journal pages;

“I am afraid of being sick forever. I am scared of struggling with this condition because it’s physically painful and I feel limited in everything – networking and growing the business, leaving the house, making new friends, serving at church..everything”

Yesterday, I re-read those words and God reminded me of something He said a few months ago.

“I only require you to be faithful where you are.”

I have been battling a physical condition for many months and during that time, I have fought with feelings of disappointment. Being a disappointment to God, to be exact.

I have felt like I let Him down because I was no longer producing; serving, writing, coaching, being there for others.

And then He spoke that Word to me: that He only required me to be faithful where I was.

He was not only not disappointed in me, He knew of my limited energy, ability and function.

All He ever required in this season was to do what I could do in my very limited world.

If the only goal I get to check off that day is “get off the couch and take a shower,” then that was a good day.

If all I can do in a given day is write two lines of a blog post or or respond to one email or go to physical therapy, then that was enough.

God is engaged and approving, right where I am.

And He loved me before I hit any take-a-shower goal.

All He ever requires of me is to be faithful where I am. Not where I imagine I should be.

God has used my current health struggle to break me so I can understand how He loves me when I have nothing to give.

Here’s what I shared on my Instagram recently, based on James 1:2-4

So now I get it. It’s not about deliverance from trials but being perfect and complete while in the fire. Being able to say “the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need” and mean it. Accepting God is not only glorified when I am delivered from a trial: He is also glorified while I am in the kiln, being made: when I allow Him to use what was meant to break me to make me.’

There’s a point to all of these.

Dear frustrated wife, are you faithful where you are? Or are you trying to live a life you haven’t been gifted yet?

Are you so busy comparing your marriage you have lost sight of what is required of you in this season of your life?

Maybe you are frustrated because your husband doesn’t compare to that other “great” husband out there (including the one in your head)

And you are discouraged because you feel so limited.

Sit with me a while

This is where you are. This is the life you have now. This is the season you are in.

As long as you are here, God doesn’t expect more than He has gifted you. He doesn’t expect you to live out of tomorrows overflow.

He wants you to steward well what you have today. To be grateful here. To serve within your capacity here. To give what you can here. To hold on to that oh-so-little faith you have here.

Perhaps your husband won’t go to church?

Well, you go. Have it settled in your heart that that is enough. Serving in several ministries bringing strife between the two of you?  Choose one ministry. Or not. (Listen to the Spirit of God and quit being manipulated and guilt-ed and prided out of your season.)

Overwhelmed by the brokenness of your marriage?

Take one small step at a time and celebrate small gains. Even when those gains look minuscule – like that time you didn’t let him have it. Lower your expectations (yes, I said lower) and keep your faith in-the-God-of-the-impossible high.

Heartbroken because your marriage doesn’t read like a social media highlight reel?

Peel your eyes off other people’s lives and keep them locked on the Word. Comparison is a thief of joy – it will grind the life right out of your heart. Instead, sit with Jesus and allow Him to comfort and grow you up.

In the end, it’s not about how much we can do or be. It’s not about how we compare to those around us.

But how faithful. How connected to our God we remain in “this valley of the shadow of death.” (Psalm 23)

A time will come when you won’t be here anymore. But you can’t  live your tomorrow, today. You live your today here.

This is what I am learning and maybe you needed a reminder too.

Will you allow God to do a fresh work in you. Will you join me? I pray your answer is yes.

And don’t worry if it’s a hesitant, confused, even fearful, “yes”. God can handle it. Just be honest and voice it; tell Him you want to learn how to be faithful here. 

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If you would like to share your story with me and get some insights on how to walk in hope and grace here, click here to learn how I can help you .

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