Early on, I struggled to teach intentional marriage and growth.
I felt like it was hypocritical, trying to teach others what I had not mastered perfectly.
The feelings of inadequacy were not new..
I gave my life to the Lord at a very young age; my “wild” teenage sins were listening to secular music and reading secular novels.
And for the longest time, I felt I had no real “testimony”.
I was born and bred in the country (and it doesn’t get more rural than African rural).
So I felt like I had no real voice, no experience, no much class. I was – still am – a conservative (that’s a pretty word for farm girl)
When I moved to the city in my early twenties, I was often at a loss, trying to mentor city people with all their “worldly” experiences.
Marriage swung by and my drive to help others was often knocked about by the familiar feelings inadequacy.
My husband and I were mentoring couples, organizing for marriage retreats and singles events before we were two years in marriage.
The pressures piled on.
How about you?
Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy?
Where your passions and gifts look like they will never really grow up? Like there’s someone else who could do a better job of what you are trying to do?
Ever felt like God paired you with the wrong dream and passions?
Cos for every step you make, there seems to be another voice snapping at your heels, disqualifying you, admonishing you, rebuking you?
Lately have you had God go silent on you because you just couldn’t stop telling Him who how small He is in you?
(Shooting down yourself is the same as shooting God down)
What am learning..
I don’t know about you but I’ve come to learn that God’s abilities do not always clean out my slate; my experiences – or lack there of – remain.
My fears are not a figment of my imagination. Kind-of the same way those waves were not a figment of Peter’s imagination.
I have learned though (and still learning) that God will often give me dreams that I cannot achieve by my own strength.
He doesn’t use me because I have the best resume in the room. In fact to me it seems He’s drawn to those with horrid resumes (and no-resumes).
He uses the willing, not the able.
He does that so that when the dust settles and the work is done, it will be obvious to everyone, including you, that God did it.
Like Peter daring to step on stormy waters, I can choose to see Jesus who called me out of the boat.
Or I can choose to see the waves.
Both the waves and Jesus are real. But One is more powerful.
It comes down to choice.
Who will you believe today?
Your lack of experience and resources or the One who’s called you to a life of purpose?
The struggles in your marriage or the One who holds the answers?
Your empty bank account or the One who wants to meet all your needs?
Your tears and sorrow or the One who’s called you to a life of faith?
It’s a matter of choice.
You know why I no longer struggle (not that much anyway) with teaching intentional growth and marriage in the midst of my own imperfect journey?
Because I learned that God doesn’t use perfect people. Cos perfect people don’t need a Savior.
Question – Have you struggled with inadequacy? How did/do you overcome? Please share your Encouragement in Comments below!
Wonderful post Ngina!!! I like this statement: “He uses the willing, not the able.” When we surrender our life to Him, He can do great things in and through us. It start with us surrendering though. I tend to struggle with feelings of inadequacy on a regular basis though I put my trust and faith in Jesus. I also surround myself around other people who are wanting to move in the same direction as myself.
David, He really does make us unique. What we might see as a flaw or deficiency is often the very place His power and glory is revealed, when we allow Him in.
Great post, Ngina. Yea, it’s pretty awesome our posts were similar this week 🙂
Love this quote, “He uses the willing, not the able.” I sure am thankful for that truth!
I am so thankful as well Dave!
Wow, what a tough subject for me. Thanks for putting yourself out there. My history is one of divorce, guilt and shame. From the world’s view, I am totally inadequate to lead the mens ministry at my church. I’m probably the last guy you’d want to have in a leadership position in a counseling and recovery group for men. BUT – My testimony is one of grace, forgiveness and healing. It took a long time for me to “get over” myself and realize that God doesn’t call those that are perfect, He wants to perfect those that He has called.
Isn’t God awesome, Charles? You have a great testimony. it’s amazing the very things that would “disqualify” us, God uses to bless, encourage and lift up others (&ourselves). I love your last statement, it says it all “God doesn’t call those that are perfect, He wants to perfect those that He has called.” Absolutely true.
We all feel inadequate and I honor you for being so vulnerable and showing your true self without pretence. What I know is that we try to live up to the worlds standards and some of the ordinary people like us do extraordinary things because God blessed us with those talents.
That’s true Lincoln, a wonderful way to find victory is to submit our talents to God and allow Him to use us, without comparing ourselves to the world and others.
Haha, yes, I’ve struggled with it. I’ve often wondered why God didn’t give the message He’s given me to someone who was on the ball, organized, and liked to write! Not in a doubting God way, but in a somewhat surprised way, and a doubting me way. It’s wonderful to watch Him at work, though, and I’m excited to see what He will do in the future. I do agree with this line: He uses the willing, not the able.
Am right there with you Barb! It’s an amazing thing to see Him do the “impossible” through us.
Thank you for this beautiful and refreshing post! It’s so true that when you put yourself down, you are putting God down as well. I think it is so important to remember this every day to avoid negative thinking about yourself. Awesome blog!
That’s true Brela, we don’t always realize we are His magnificent creation, just the way we are.
What a vulnerable, honest, and reflective post. Good work Ngina. Feeling inadequate has been a major undertone in my life. After many years have I realized that sense of inadequacy spawned from my desire to impress the world, not my Creator. I have seen myself fall into the performance trap where I based my self-worth on performance and opinions of others rather than approval from God. The book I’m currently reading “Jn Search of Significance” addresses this issue of addiction for success, fame, and wealth instead of true significance. So, this is a timely and relevant post for me. Thank you very much for helping me better know you.
Paul you’ve hit a core issue for me too..trying to impress the world, not God. God is so good, isn’t He. That He’d allow us to hit these walls and low levels when our sense of worth and identity wavers. Praise God for the growth you have made. Am glad am not alone :), and that we are all learning and growing.
Glad to solider on with you sister!
Wow! I so resonate with this, Ngina. I believe God is looking for “the good and faithful servant” not the “good and perfect or even successful servant.” I love your heart, sweet friend!
Beth you’ve said it well “God is looking for the good and faithful servant” not the “good and perfect or even successful servant.”. That says it all 🙂
Hmmm…”Have you struggled with inadequacy?” question is: when haven’t I struggled with inadequacy? lol! I used to work hard to fit in with people. It wasnt till I wasnt meant to fit…but to stand out…for God. Once I got my identity fully wrapped up in Him inadequacy was a thing of the past. Dont get me wrong…it tries to come back but I don’t fight it in my power. But in the power of His might. 🙂
Amen Mike! I really believe that these inadequacies keep us needy and reliant on God, otherwise we’d be off charting our own paths and asking God for His stamp of approval! “Identity wrapped up in God” – so true, in Him we are strong.
Excellent post, Ngina. I agree completely; God uses the least among us to do the most. It is in humility that we find His truths about us. Yes, we are weak, we are inadequate, but He is Majestic and sovereign over His cosmos.
I’ve come to believe that the feelings of inadequacies and insecurities aren’t a bad thing as long as they lead us to our Father’s will and peace that only comes from Him. Keep up the good work, sister.
i agree Floyd, these feelings aren’t bad as long as they lead us to our Father. It’s in our weakness that He’s strong.
I appreciate this candid and honest post. I have struggled with the feelings of inadequacy nearly all my life. It is a constant battle. I have learned to deal with it by telling myself who God called me to be and do. I say, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.
Don’t get me wrong because I quote these and other scriptures that inadequacy doesn’t keep coming. It does, but I learned to keep moving. I am a continual work in progress. You gave the example of Peter walking on water. When he stepped out, he was able to walk on that which should not have sustained him. But, when he experienced the power of the storm, he began to sink. But, in his sinking situation, He knew who to call on.
To overcome inadequacy we have to call on God who is greater than our fears and doubts. Even when inadequacy comes, God will strengthen us to walk to it afraid, intimidated, fearful and reluctant. When I think about, God has an incredible history of using imperfect, inadequate, dysfunctional and inexperienced people to carry out His assignments. And I fit the categories.
Bernard your comment is preaching 🙂 Something you’ve pointed out about Peter and talked of in the last paragraph says it all; knowing Who to call on. All of us will feel inadequate at one time or another; it’s knowing Who to call on (and understanding that we must, if we want to overcome). That makes all the difference.
Thanks for sharing your journey and encouragement here. Your thoughts are powerful and a blessing. And would make a great post 🙂 (would be honored to host you here! 🙂 )
Thanks, Ngina. It would be a pleasure. I have an outline. I will work on making it a post next week.
that’s so great! thank you much, looking forward.
The teachers and mentors and “do-ers” who know they don’t know everything — who don’t believe themselves to be experts — make the best teachers. It takes a willingness to keep learning and to see each experience as the first of its kind, but yet taking previous experiences to meet it well to make a good teacher.
God wants us to continually learn. That is how we grow closer to Him. Someone who “knows it all” often shows himself to others as unapproachable.
I do not sit at a higher level than anyone else, yet I have a God-driven desire to share my discoveries in marriage because too many people believe they are alone in the boat. It’s our job to show others that we’re all in it together, and to share our struggles as well as our victories will give someone out there the boost he needs to reach out to God and fight the good fight.
Another thought-provoking post, Ngina!
Amen Amy, I love your thoughts. Vulnerability makes us approachable, teachable. And it it’s hard to fake it 🙂 I love your blog and your encouragement to marriages and daily life. It’s so true, many people feel alone.
Ngina, I’ve been subscribing since I first saw you responding to Floyd’s post on his blog about the three-legged dog. This is the first time I’ve shown up to respond – and the why of that is simple.
You hooked me with the question.
I’ve felt inadequate most of my adult life in large measure because of the mess that my life was since *early* childhood. I didn’t have to be born in rural Africa to understand those feelings because they show up in kids from the Boston suburbs too. You’ve never been alone with those hurts – just out of contact with those who could help with the right validation (Yes, there *are* waves – step out anyway.).
As to pressure? There’s a line in an old Joni Mitchell song – “Nobody’s harder on me than me – how could they be? Nobody’s harder on you than you”
Something about “Your grace is enough for me” says it like nothing else can 🙂
God bless you, sister – keep writing; I’ll keep coming back!
Rick
Welcome Rick! Thank you so much for subscribing to the blog, and sharing.
I agree with you, feelings of “not being good” enough show up wherever there’s crack of a doorway, doesn’t matter where we are from!
I thank God I am not where I used to be. I think it’s really a journey as we keep hitting new levels that require fresh faith! Oh but for His grace, where would we be 🙂 Thanks so much for reading and the encouragement.
Good post my sister. When the leadership ask us to be dorm parents in Bolivia we thought they had misunderstood our testimony. My husband and I both come from dysfunctional homes. We both escaped them by quitting school, getting married at 17. My husband was a prodigal son since salvation at 13. I was just lost till I was 35. God has placed us in such hard places without any back ground to fall back on. We always felt inadequate, which kept us on our knees. My husband was out door knocking years ago, a lady came to the door. He ask her if she went to church, she did not, said she would like to go to a church where she could see a miracle. My husband looked at her, said, Mam, you are looking at one. He was such an introvert that everyone marveled that he would talk to people about God. We have built our Christian on being faithful to what ever is before us.
You have wisdom beyond your years, it not from experience, it from above. Not that God won’t use experience, He will but He loves to show His glory through our inadequacy. I love the people God used in the Bible…most of them are not ones we would pick.
One thing that helps me is not comparing myself with anyone else. Comparing is a tool of the enemy. It matters not our testimony, it’s His testimony that counts. Blessings.
I just love this Betty “we thought they had misunderstood our testimony.” Oh how feels familiar! How often it appears that God “misunderstood” my “testimony”!
I am so grateful as you rightly share that it matters not our testimony, it’s His that counts. Thank you so much for sharing your story and journey, it’s so encoraging. I am blessed and so are others that are reading.