When I was single, I didn’t know what to think about marriage sometimes.
Not that I lacked godly counsel. I had many married friends.
When I got married, I realized that society and pop culture spreads far more misconceptions and outright lies about marriage than it does truth.
I am still learning but I’ve discovered a few giant balloons that need to be popped.
Marriage misconceptions that tick me off.
1. Allowing the man to lead is backward and dangerous.
As a single person, I had raging conflict about submission in marriage.
God later told me that I needed to marry “one who dreams my dream”. It’d be easier to follow such a man.
Popular culture has a problem with the word “follow”.
It teaches that to be really important, to be valuable and top-dog, you must be infront – calling the shots, running the show, being independent, muscling through life and relationship. Being anything but submissive.
Some men have swallowed the lie. Instead of taking up their godly mandate, they’ve slinked off to passivity.
Tolu Llesanmi says
“Don’t help your wife do the dishes, let your wife help you do the dishes. Don’t help your wife change diapers, let your wife help you change diapers. She is your helper, you are not her helper.”
(Am an ‘acts of service‘ kind of girl, so you know I love his perspective!)
Allowing the man to lead is not backward.
God, the author of marriage, wired men and women differently.
He gave them different roles and responsibilities. For every function, He gave a disposition. Agreeing with God is the smartest thing you can do for yourself and your relationship.
2. Submission is for wimps
Inspite of what society says and how I used to feel, I’ve discovered some wonderful things about submission.
It’s not wimpy.
– It’s about function, not value – again, someone’s gotta lead. You can’t have two heads.
– It doesn’t mean the absence of a will. It’s about the yielding of one.
– It begins with the heart and flows to action.
– It’s a trust thing – you trust the Higher Power who brought you together.
– It’s a powerful and influential position. Try moving your head without the support of your neck.
3. Marriage should make you happy.
As a single girl, I had no intention of getting my happiness from a man. But when I got married, I discovered I did!
And society said that if he wasn’t making me happy, then he had a problem!
Guess how many people are still waiting for their spouses to make them happy?
It’s sad really. We have stopped being responsible and have placed heavy burdens on our spouses. And society cheers us on.
Guess what, we are responsible for our own dose of happiness and joy.
Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.
It’s something we cultivate from the within and it comes from a having a growing relationship with God.
4. The first year(s) of marriage is heaven.
I swallowed this misconception hook line and sinker. My first year was far from perfect.
Society said “If your first year(s) is not heavenly, there’s something wrong with you/you are doomed”
Truth is, some people will have glossy mushy early years.
People need to know that just because they fight and argue and feel like they made the biggest mistake of their lives about the third day after the wedding, they are not doomed to a life of misery. There is hope. They are normal.
Young couples need to know that you don’t have to start off from the moon. You are firmly on earth. And that’s okay.
5. Marriage is easy
As a single, I didn’t want to hear that marriage is hard. My favorite line was “marriage is the same as having a relationship with Jesus. It’s not easy, but it’s possible”.
I forgot that Jesus is God and a husband is human.
Our society loves the easier, quicker, faster route. We are quite sloppy when it comes to doing the hard stuff.
Marriage is not easy. It has it’s seasons. It’s rewarding. It’s beautiful. It’s mindblowing. It’s all that. But you make it that. It does not happen by itself. You work it.
Question – Have you encountered any marriage misconceptions? Please share in the Comments.