What does it take to create a healthy marriage?
I’ve found that most people don’t just want to hear a healthy marriage is possible, they also want to know the characteristics of a healthy marriage.
Because it’s one thing to see the final shiny product, quite another to know how it got so bright and shiny.
And this is one of the reasons I coach wives, helping them to problem-solve and nurture their relationship so they can thrive.
Talking about the nitty gritty of my marriage is uncomfortable sometimes, but a long time ago, I learned I could either walk into heaven with all my “dignities” intact but alone or dare be vulnerable, lose some dignities but help someone else.
In 2 Samuel 6:22 David, the king of Israel said: “Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes!”
David spoke these words to his wife who was disgusted by his exuberant dancing as the ark of the Lord returned to Jerusalem.
What stands out to me is that David says “even to be humiliated in my own eyes.”
So often it’s our own pride, fears, and arguments that prevent us from doing the right thing. David was willing to “destroy” his reputation, not just before others, but in his own eyes.
Here’s the thing friend: we will never please God if we put ourselves first. If everything has to be pleasant to you before you take a step of faith, then you are sitting on the throne of your life, not God.
If you have to process marriage through your human faculties first, before obeying the Spirit of God, then chances are you are living in bondage (Galatians 5:1) and your marriage will suffer.
To write a healthy marriage story, we need to esteem the purposes of God more than our own.
The truth is that whatever God calls us to do, there’s stripping and price attached to it. But more than the cost, there’s Jesus.
I am convinced that God calls us to do things for Him not so we can DO stuff, but so we can know Him and love Him.The truth is that whatever God calls us to do, there's stripping and price attached to it. But more than the cost, there's Jesus. I am convinced that God calls us to do things for Him not so we can DO stuff, but so we can know Him and love Him.
What’s He calling you to do today? To love your husband in unfair conditions? To quit looking back on your single days? To cut off friendships that are ruining your marriage? To new ventures as an individual or couple?
One hundred percent chance it’s not about the “job” or “calling” it’s about that personal, intimate relationship you’ll develop as you journey there.
So back to the question, what makes happy healthy marriages?
I dare say it has more to do with the individuals in the marriage prioritizing personal change over the growth of the whole.
Certainly, both people need to grow for the marriage to thrive but the order of things is different. It’s typically me-first. Risking everything as you trust God.
I pray your week is filled with the awareness of what God has called you to do and the courage to step out and do it. On the other side of obedience is opportunity to be and do more but of immense value, is Jesus. More of Jesus, less of us.
Update: Women’s Event
Over the weekend, a small group of women gathered to talk about real-world marriage and real-world answers.
It was our inaugural event dubbed “Intimate Conversations.”*
We had a great time, learning what it means to Relate in marriage, how to problem-solve without throwing the one-flesh union under the bus, how to change and evolve as “the two become one.” Plus so much more.
We had the main teaching session, but it was interspersed with discussions and journaling. Even more powerful (what I enjoyed the most!) were sweet discussions amongst ourselves as we shared freely, affirmed each other and challenged each other to get unstuck and grow.
Due to the intimate and vulnerable nature of our gathering, it wasn’t possible to make a recording of the teaching as many of you had requested ( and I had hinted at.)
However, I will be turning the teaching into a small online course so everyone has access, no matter where you are located in the world. Stay tuned!
Are you wrestling with the overwhelm of new marriage and want a step by step guide to kick out fussing, anger, passive-aggressiveness? Want to restore joy, healing and happiness to your marriage? Or maybe you just want to love better, create the marriage of your dreams, God’s way. Your marriage can change! Get on the road to a great marriage when you pick up my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years -> Amazon Paperback I Amazon Kindle I Barnes & Noble I PDF I UK/Europe PDF . Or click here to go to book page
*This was a smaller event, compared to what we had originally planned. But we had a blast!