My husband and I were born in the month of May.
This year, and in efforts to make gift giving easier, we decided that each person will write down gift ideas. You know, to remove the guess work out of the process.
I did not like the idea though.
In fact, I was a few months married when I first heard about it; I dismissed it immediately. What a romance killer!
I felt gift giving should be unprompted and instinctive, almost “natural.”
The idea of planning and strategizing seemed to wrench out the romance out of it.
But after many birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions , it finally hits me that the gift list isn’t such a bad idea after all.
I married a sweet man with many talents – but mind-reading does not feature on this list of talents.
If I want something, I need to tell him.
And vice versa.
So this year we wrote down what we like and then exchanged our lists.
Here’s a peak at my gift list
- Beauty products (with details)
- Dance to romantic music followed by candle lit dinner
- Massage (with details)
- Breakfast in bed (with details)
Here’s a peak at some of my husbands requests
- A new car
- A new phone
I had a good laugh after reading his list. ( I will not be buying him a car this year)
I was also amazed by the differences in our gift ideas.
His list was manly, clipped and to the point.
My list was relational, sentimental and detailed. Some of my gift ideas don’t cost money (which was, I did not bring up the “it-does-not-have-to-cost-money” part)
But the biggest surprise was that what I had in mind for his birthday didn’t feature anywhere on his gift list!
Gift giving tips and communication
The gift list got me thinking about marriage.
What if we took time to understand each other instead of grumbling about our still-unknown differences?
What if we could just spell out our needs, instead of having silent expectations that often lead down rocky paths?
Wouldn’t life would be easier if we accepted that our spouses are completely different from us? That they will never think the way we do?
So instead of living in “hopes-and-hints-ville”, we commit ourselves to do everything possible to bridge those communication gaps.
Same thing with life. If we could get over ourselves long enough, did the uncomfortable, wouldn’t we achieve much more?
You many not enjoy every part of the journey. (I still wish Tommy could read my mind!).
But in the end, we must accept that a thriving relationship intensely intentional, not wishful or 100% spontaneous.