How Church Beliefs Affect Marriage
Binary thinking forms a significant part of evangelical fundamentalism.
Binary thinking “refers to the tendency to view things in strict black-and-white terms, often ignoring the nuances and complexities that exist within any given situation. It involves categorizing concepts, people, or ideas into two opposing and mutually exclusive groups, without considering the possibility of a spectrum or middle ground.” Source
When life has been simplified to “either/or” and “black or white,” it’s hard to rethink teachings that do not produce good fruit in our lives.
When Christians believe there’s only one way to exist and their base theology is mostly a list of dos and don’ts, when asking questions and sitting in tension is side-eyed and “sinful,” the result is a Petri dish of groupthink…
Christians struggling to think for themselves, practice autonomy (cos they believe they have none/fear failing God) and to exist in a world that is most definitely not black and white.
The sad thing is that people who exist in such a system (and I once lived in it, and I’m still discovering growth areas) believe they are okay. (Actually better than okay.)
How Church Beliefs Affect Marriage
I noticed binary thinking when I changed my writing direction sometime back. Read More Why I’ve Deleted My Books, Courses, and Over 200 Blog Posts
I didn’t understand everything back then, but I observed how hard it was for many to grasp the fact that we can be happily married and an ally to others in chronically hurting marriages.
(There is nothing wrong with checking in. Here, I’m addressing persistent questions about someone’s motivation, based on personal assumptions.)
I see it in people still bound up in box-thinking, where we leave the old box and then find ourselves another box because we haven’t fully explored and begun to dismantle a “dominating” view of God.
We need to rediscover the power of “and.” We need to explore how to hold two (or more) truths at the same time. Read More Things Men Say to Female Writers
We can desire a healthy relationship and hold the relationship to a standard. We don’t have to choose between being in a relationship and having a safe standard. We can do both. And we can choose to no longer listen to those who tell us we can’t do both.
If this is an area of struggle, or you want to explore more, my friend and fellow author and coach, Sarah McDugal, has an easy-to-understand ebook, Systems of Love & Honor, (affiliate link) which outlines 13 behavior patterns that make relationships safe.
When our Christian resources and church beliefs do not empower wholesome critical thinking, it can be difficult to discern how health and safety look like.
Systems of Love & Honor illustrate simple, easy-to-understand actions and attitudes that reflect God’s intention for safe, loving relationships. Access Now.
How Church Beliefs Affect Marriage: Tired of bad marriage advice?
“I love this book. It has been redemptive and healing in ways that are hard to explain. In this book, I have found a bearing witness to the raw, unbearable pain that has been experienced because of the toxicity of patriarchy – that is finely woven together with threads of liberation and love that erase shame and bring hope.” Social Media Review. Read Courage.
