As a newlywed five years ago and from the moment I said “I do”, I thought I had a huge neon light on my forehead proclaiming my new married status.
I was reminded of this the other day when I walked into a FedEx office and a gentleman struck up conversation as I waited on the line.
The conversation ended shortly and I made my way to the counter to be served and later headed out to a computer station at the back.
Minutes later the gentleman showed up at my desk and I realized he had missed the neon light on my forehead and my wedding band so prominently displayed.
Just because you got married
Now I am not trying to put down this gentleman – in fact he was very kind and courteous when explained the neon light : )
Here’s my point – sometimes as married women we assume all areas of our lives snapped to attention the moment we said “I do”.
We engaged some sort of neutral gear and thought our relationship would insulate us from distractions and unwanted attention.
Distractions, not just in the form of persons. But in form of jobs, ministry, school, extended family – anything and anyone that tries to take the place reserved for your husband.
Unfortunately, our lives and circumstances will not automatically line up to support and celebrate our vows.
It’s our job to make sure they do.
How to let others know you are married
Cleaving is not an immediate automatic process. It’s more of a journey – we cleave in deeper ways as we grow.
The journey has a first step though and until we take that first step, nothing changes in our lives.
So the first step in letting others know you are married is first and foremost understanding and accepting that you are.
Accepting and deciding that the rest of your life will henceforth support, honor and celebrate your vows.
Living your life in a way that shows that you are a wife first..not a daughter or worker or sister or friend.
Now I am not saying that we don’t love or honor our marriages.
Mostly we do. But often times we underestimate the intentionality needed to grow a great marriage.
We love our sweet husband yes, but we fail to see why we need to remain 100% unavailable to other options and distractions.
We think “we are in love”, “our marriage is strong”, “we trust each other” – nothing can rock that.
But everything changes when we say “I Do”
The newlywed months and years are obviously filled with many adjustments and changes.
Hence all the more reason to have our belief system and lifestyle in order.
Indeed we can make the newlywed years easier by laying a solid foundation for our marriage.
Strong foundations, which are the bedrock of every happy marriage, don’t just happen.
They are intentionally laid by two people who are determined to thrive, not just survive.
Two people who dig in and do what needs to be done to protect and honor and celebrate their union.
Further reading
Read this post The unpopular gospel of putting your marriage first
Protect your marriage, keep boundaries with the opposite sex
Married? You should not have a pinterest board called “eye-candy”
Your turn – what do you think? To what lengths should we got to protect, honor and celebrate our vows? Please share in Comments, I love hearing you!
Are you vexed because your husband won’t change? Wondering how to positively influence his life? My book Blues to Bliss might help. I wrote it with the newlywed wife in mind. If you are imperfect girl married to an imperfect guy, this book is for you. Learn about the book, and find the purchase links – Click here
Great post Ngina! I think of Song of Songs where the wife says his banner over me is love. She is saying he protects me and I belong to him. Good reminder today!
The older I get, the less I have to worry about this, Ngina. 🙂 But definitely, whatever lengths necessary!
I see how that can be Barb : ) There’s more wisdom even if distractions show up.
Younger wives (as in those in early marriage years) tend to have a lot on their plate – kids, careers, family attachments e.t.c – but with less experience and wisdom. It’s good to know that they can keep a “this too shall pass” attitude 🙂
Haha, no, the reason is that you have less men following you and wanting to strike up conversations. 🙂
haha that’s funny Barb!
though my post was actually about the different kinds distractions we have to stand against, not just the man-kind!
I am thinking that was not very clear within the post, maybe cos of the title I used and the story i shared : )
all the same thanks, that’s true, the older i get the more i see that too!
No, you were clear – that was a great point. Your story was just so fun, that’s what I thought about when I replied. 🙂 But you’re right – it’s very important to eliminate other distractions – or at least guard against them. Sometimes the distractions are the kids – the more kids you have, the easier it is to start making the kids more important than the relationship – not consciously, it can just happen because you’re so busy and not being intentional.
anything worth having is worth fighting for. Marriage is no exception. We must protect it and place it above our own comforts and wants.
I like wedding rings because it’s an easy way to show the world that you belong to someone else. Talking about them and referring to them also helps drive home the point.
I like that about rings too TC. And the added conversation – Floyd put it so well in a comment, he said “it gets the message out with grace”. I was late in speaking about my hubby this time…but when i did it got the point home immediately. thanks for reading and sharing
We must guard and protect our marriages. When I’m talking with a person of the opposite sex, I make sure to mention my wife so that they are clear that I’m taken. Great thoughts in this post!
Great minds do think alike Dan : ) Love this and what Floyd shared earlier. Thanks for adding to the discussion
Glad to share among some great minds:)
In Ukraine if you wear your wedding band on the left hand it means you’re divorced so I wear mine on the right! However, now I’m back in the US and I just realized I still have my wedding band on my right hand. I guess I should probably switch it.
Anyway I know that is really a small thing. The most important aspect in letting people know that you are married is by showing it in your behavior. I find that talking about my wife in positive ways when I’m around other women and my wife is not around is a great way to let them know that I’m taken and not looking for change!
“taken and not looking for change” – that’s so funny, Caleb! And so true. And what a way to build up your wife! I love it when i someone else tells me something positive my husband said in my absence. it’s a great thing for both spouses
ha cultures are so different..!i wonder what wearing the ring on the right hand in America would mean. : )
I like this. We have to guard our hearts. One sure way to do that is to speak of our spouses often, that gets the message out with grace.
Yes, that’s so true. Before reading this I wrote a similar comment. Man, Great minds think a like:)
I agree! 🙂
🙂
‘gets the message out with grace’ – I agree! I was late this time..but nonetheless when i did, the conversation ended with grace. Thanks for adding this, it’s true wisdom, as always.