One of the most common questions I get is:
“Ngina, how do I get my husband to address our marriage problems?”
The short answer: Grow.
The longer answer…
When I got married, and like most women, I was ecstatic. I married the man of my dreams, and we had this amazing connection and big plans for our future.
But there’s one thing I hadn’t factored into our happily-ever-after: Conflict.
It turns out, part of growing a fabulous marriage involves navigating personal differences. When two people, from two different genders, with two different upbringings and diverse experiences, “become one” (Genesis 2:24), flares happen.
How a couple navigates the rocky ride, aka journey of “being one,” determines the quality and longevity of their relationship. Source.
Tommy and I had many flares and disagreements at the beginning of the marriage, and our behaviors were far from healthy.
At first, and like most newlyweds, I thought we were going to be okay. I mean, we could still talk about some issues. We were Christians, and our shared values would help with our motivation. Plus, we actually loved each other.
But time didn’t make things better.
Conflict was this one thing we were terrible at. Eventually, when the effort of trying to solve issues became too much, we stopped discussing the actual problems and started surviving.
To other people, our problems were petty.
I remember sitting with our mentors and being asked to “snap out of it.” At least that’s how it felt.
I was angry because my husband didn’t help around the house. He was frustrated because he couldn’t catch a break. I was the people-pleaser with a million things on my to-be list.
We were both out of work, going through massive personal transitions and on many days, life felt impossible.
He was the relaxed laid back guy who didn’t care for a whirlwind life. Our personalities, which felt like a perfect fit when dating, were now like sandpaper: gritty and annoying.
Our issues and inability to talk about them were a big scary deal for us. And as it happens, when those small concerns aren’t addressed properly, they become big problems.
I began to feel abandoned and hopeless. I resented my husband because he didn’t seem as interested in resolving the conflict that was eating at our connection.
Maybe you can relate to how I was feeling.
Perhaps you want to stop feeling like you are the only one who cares about your marriage. Maybe you want your husband involved so you can address the pain that has brought your marriage to its knees.
Perhaps you want to recapture those feelings of love and connection you once shared.
Or maybe your marriage is at a really great place, but you desire some skills to to help navigate hard conversations so you never face a crisis.
As a marriage coach, I work with women who are desperate to heal and deepen their connection in marriage. My husband and I have walked with couples experiencing communication problems in their relationship.
And we’ve made one key observation: spouses who invest in learning and implementing communication skills have a higher chance of healing their connection compared to couples who don’t learn or make any adjustments in their communication.
Connecting with your spouse is not something that happens by accident: it’s intentional and requires adapting and growing.
We both learned this lesson the hard way.
And today, I’m excited to announce that enrollment for my brand new course, How to Navigate Conflict in Marriage is now open.
This is the course I wish I had when our communication broke down. In fact, it’s the course I wish I had before we had any communication issues so we could have avoided (or better navigated) the breakdown.
I receive emails and comments from spouses desiring better connection in their marriage: many couples want to know how to avoid communication issues all together.
While we can’t avoid all disagreements in marriage, but we can get the skills we need so we are prepared to navigate the conflict with confidence and clarity.
I am excited because How To Navigate Conflict in Marriage is both preventative and corrective.
If you wish to deepen your communication in marriage (so you can avoid communication issues,) this course is for you. If you are tired of living with unresolved problems and desire healing and connection, this course is for you.
When my husband and I were working through our communication problems, one of the things that made the difference was a shift in perspective.
When I stopped focusing on the wrongs done to me and started focusing on all the growth I was missing, my perspective, and eventually, my marriage, changed.
As a marriage coach, I work with women who are desperate to connect with their husbands, women who want to address marriage problems but are frustrated by their spouse’s lack of determination and interest.
For these women, and just as I discovered, focusing on the side of marriage, they control – themselves – is a game-changer. Because it turns out, taking ownership of “you” also helps you stop take ownership for the side of marriage you don’t control – your spouse.
What Is How to Navigate Conflict in Marriage Course?
With How To Navigate Conflict in Marriage, you don’t have to guess about where to start.
Are you tired of living with unresolved issues? I show you exactly where to begin and how to navigate friction with clarity and confidence.
Want to nurture your connection, so you have less conflict? We talk about the investments you need to make so you can nurture your bond and enjoy marriage.
Tired of hearing “just pray more” or “submit more” or “just have more sex” as the answer to conflict? We explore why conflict is not one-sided and how to take personal responsibility without controlling or enabling your spouse.
Wondering how to guard your peace in a difficult season of marriage? I show you a step-by-step process that works, so you know exactly what to do.
Frustrated and triggered by a troublesome spouse? I show you how to protect your heart without walling up and shutting down.
Feel like you need a break from your husband? We explore how that looks like and the things you need to put in place ahead of time.
In short, this new course is a comprehensive training on how to identify and successfully overcome communication barriers so your marriage can thrive.
Here’s what to expect inside HNCM
The full three-module multimedia training program
You’ll see how to discover the root of the conflict, overcome unhealthy mindsets, identify and overcome triggers, establish your identity, manage emotions, create boundaries, nurture connection, navigate the broken places, and more.
Detailed, coaching-style Workbook
Here’s where I share even more in-depth strategies and approaches designed to help you heal your connection and radically improve the quality of your relationship. This material comes in the form of a detailed step-by-step workbook and specific ideas of “how to apply this lesson in my marriage right now.”
As a gift to everyone who enrolls for this course this week, $28 off (No Coupon Needed.) The special price goes away at Midnight CST on September 25th.
Extra video training, sharing 5 Dos and Don’ts when your husband doesn’t talk. The video goes away at Midnight CST on Sept 25th.
And there’s a whole lot more.
I cover everything you need to know about this new course here:
Long story short?
I opened admission for How to Navigate Conflict in Marriage. And the special price and bonuses go away this Friday at midnight.
And I am so excited to welcome you on board!
An example of lessons we are covering in How To Navigate Conflict in Marriage online course
- Understanding Conflict: Approach, Influences, and Couple types
- The Power of Shared Values
- 11 Mindset Shifts You Must Make
- Identifying Your Triggers
- Overcoming Your Triggers (Step by step instruction)
- Compassion: An Important Key to Resolving Conflict
- When Your Husband is Passive
- When Your Husband is the Problem But You Feel Responsible
- Emotional Dumping and How To Avoid It
- Patience: Why You Can’t Do Without It
- Deposits Vs. Withdrawals in Marriage
- Creating Limits with A Difficult Spouse (Step By Step Instruction)
- When You Need a Break From Your Husband
- And much more!
Since this is a brand new course, you might have some questions:
Q: Can I work through this course with my husband?
A: I created the program with the married woman in mind because married women form the majority of my audience. But marriage principles are timeless and not gender-specific! Both husband and wife will greatly benefit from the material covered.
Further, a wife can use the practical assignments to share (I show you what and how to share) her growth and start conversations with her husband. These conversations will spark interest and connection with a husband of goodwill.
Q: My husband is not talking to me, and he’s not interested in healthy communication. Will this course help me?
A: Yes! While we talk about a husband’s responsibility, we focus on what you control because that is the path to a healthier you.
Q: Is the course recorded, or do I need to show up live?
A: The Course is all recorded, and you won’t need to show up anywhere live.
Q: How long do I have access to the course?
A: How does lifetime access sound? After enrolling, you have immediate and unlimited access to all the lessons and assignments in this course for as long as you like – across any and all devices you own
Now that you have your questions answered, it’s time to learn more about the course and enroll!
See you inside!
PS: The low price and bonuses go away at Midnight on September 25th.