When Your Husband Talks to Another Woman – 12 Things To Do

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So your husband talks to another woman, and it wounds you, and he doesn’t see why it does.

Wives reach out to me asking what they might be doing wrong because their husbands are talking to other women and think it’s okay.

By talking, I don’t mean a normal or passing conversation, but a closer relationship that rattles the woman in the marriage relationship.

But the husband doesn’t see it; he feels his wife is jealous and blowing things out of proportion.

Before I share the twelve tips, and because of the range of queries I have observed, let me clarify a few things. The observations are not meant to burden women who suspect betrayal. They are meant to support their journey of uncovering if betrayal is happening in their marriage. Crossing off these possibilities might help them better focus on subsequent steps.

If you believe your husband is texting, calling, pursuing, confiding in, or generally encouraging a borderline relationship with another woman, the chances are you have or are trying to filter out the following contexts.

– Getting some context

You can gather some context for clarity (as much as possible anyway.) This will also prove useful when addressing that relationship with your spouse.

At this point, it is also worth noting that just because a woman has come on to your husband doesn’t automatically mean your husband asked for it, is encouraging it or is interested in her.

Now, I know many a betraying husband will use what I just said to try and escape accountability. “I swear, I am not interested in her. She’s the one making moves on me” they’ll say. We’ll cover that in detail below. For now, just remember that this step is for your own mental processing as well. Not so you can be fooled. Related Post: 6 Things To Do If Your Husband Defends Another Woman

– Friends of the opposite sex

Before you met and married your spouse, you probably had a life and friends. Hopefully during dating, you met each others friends. Some of these friendships won’t make it past the early months of marriage because our priorities, focus, and energies change.

But a few, (hopefully the healthy ones,) friends stay a little longer. If the dynamics need to change, they do so gradually. Overall, the friends who remain tend to be your friends too.

– A spouse’s work life

If he’s an employee, he’s likely not in full control of his work life in terms of who he meets for work, for example. Certainly, we all need to have personal boundaries even at work. We should be honoring our spouses regardless of where or who we’re with and that includes our work life. And we should be able to take action if our boundaries are getting infringed upon.

– Healing your heart

If you have experienced past betrayal trauma unrelated to your husband, it’s possible to get triggered by some opposite-gender dynamics.

And that’s okay: my hope is that you have the right tools (e.g counseling with a therapist trained in betrayal trauma) to support your healing and open communication with your husband.

It’s also quite possible to have a trauma-response and be correct in your assessment of a relationship a husband has, so those two are not mutually exclusive. It’s just important to also address any individual trauma and grief as well.

With that foundation laid, let us dive into the 12 things to consider when your husband is talking to other women. Please note, in this post, we’ll cover

  • Basic ideas which would apply where there’s no actual betrayal happening and spouses would benefit from better communication, boundaries or growth.
  • Ideas for when there’s reasons to be concerned (betrayal is taking place.)

12 Things To Do When Your Husband Talks to Another Woman

1. Cut off your friendship with the other woman

This is for the wife who’s “best friend” is chatting up her husband, and she feels pressured to keep the woman in her life because she’s being told (by the friend and her husband) that there’s nothing going on between the two of them.

Obviously, the first step is to have a talk with your husband and make your thoughts and desires known. But as far as your friend goes, you should not feel guilted into keeping that friendship.

“She’s such a nice person! Plus I don’t want her to think I am petty and weird.”

Well, if my friend hinted that she’s uncomfortable with my association with her husband, I would drop the connection with her husband like a hot potato. Because friends listen to each other like that.

Anyone who inserts themselves between a married couple is paddling in the wrong direction. It doesn’t matter if the married couple is right or wrong: it’s none of your business at that point. Pack up your ego and leave.

When your husband talks to another woman

So to you dear wife. If losing your friend makes you uncomfortable, if drawing the line and insisting someone respects your current perspective is wrong – take a minute to consider what you would rather lose; a friend or your mind? You are worth it.

2. Talk to your husband

Another obvious point: if you need to say something, say it. Presuming “he should know” or giving vague hints or sulking won’t cut it. If letting your husband know you are uncomfortable with a relationship he has, consider your end goal; to communicate your values and standards. It’s not a power move.

At this point, it is not a battle: it’s still a relationship. Don’t be afraid of stepping up for yourself. Plus you would rather speak your heart than rage with hidden problems. Those issues tend to leak out anyway.

3. Check on his point of view

I hear the uproar all the way up here in Texas but I am making a different point: what you see and what he sees might be two different things.

I need to find the science but many women have an uncommon sense; sometimes, we just know things. We pick up when another woman is flirting with our husbands or encroaching our marriage boundaries. Maybe its because we’re female and can better decipher certain female dynamics.

However, not all husbands will pick up certain types of flirtation or encroached boundaries. A wife can read all the warning signs while her husband thinks the other woman is just being a nice, friendly person.

So if a woman is flirting with your husband or being too cozy and your man is convinced there’s nothing to it: there’s a chance he might not be seeing it. (Of course, he might also be enjoying the attention and pretending he doesn’t see it and we’ll cover that as we go along.)

But decent husbands might not be covering anything; they might be blind to complex cues and calls. Obviously, once you’ve shared your observation and boundaries and even if he doesn’t understand it, he should listen and cut off that friendship. If he doesn’t, the problem is deeper and broader than connection blindness.

Systems of Love & Honor: A Guide to Recognizing Safe Relationships

Systems of Love & Honor (aff link) by betrayal trauma recovery coach Sarah McDugal outlines 13 behavior patterns that make relationships safe. When mistreatment is “normal”, it’s hard to know what safe looks like. Systems of Love & Honor illustrates simple, easy-to-understand actions and attitudes that reflect God’s intention for safe loving relationships. Access Now.

Systems of love and honor

4. Correction can be painful but..

So, your husband is fully responsible for his emotions upon receiving your queries and questions.

Admonishment can be painful. But it must be received and acted upon, no excuses.

5. Seek safe counsel

When it comes to your husband talking with other women, the problems are as diverse as the individual couple. So it’s not possible to offer specific insights in such a general post (though we’ll attempt below.)

That’s why I encourage every wife who writes to me or leaves a comment to find a safe friend or a therapist trained in abuse and betrayal trauma to share her dilemma.

An article like this will help in a general sense, but it can’t walk you in “fine print.” For that, you need a safe community and/or professional counsel. (If you need to process the pain of betrayal from pornography addiction or infidelity, check out private coaching with Coach Sarah McDugal.)

6. If your husband is talking to another woman, it’s not your fault

There’s no excuse. Betrayal is an individual choice. Betraying spouses love to come up with different reasons (aka excuses) for why they went outside the marriage.

My wife isn’t attractive to me anymore and so I’m going to look elsewhere” is not only immature, entitled and corrosive, it also devastating to a spouse.

We took vows. We made a choice. When we experience problems, we seek help and work on those as a team. There’s no justification for going outside the marriage. For more on the topic, read Why Women are Not Responsible for Men’s Sexual Sin.

7. Plug the holes

So Intentional Today, this website, is a newlywed website. (At the time writing the original article, it was.) My audience is mainly wives who are in the early years of marriage.

Sometimes, (not always) if you experience opposite sex problems this early in the marriage, the chances are they are nothing new. In fact, I’ve heard of husbands who said to their wives, “but you knew I liked to talk to women before we got married, why are you bothered now?”

Please note, I am not blaming you. After all, many women get married, despite screaming red flags, because society, especially the faith community, conditions them to ignore them.

With phrases such us “he just needs a good woman to help him settle down,” “all men lust,” “He needs respect in order to show you love,” it is no wonder we women ignore our gut feelings and marry problematic men.

So the holes I’m suggesting we plug are the ones in your heart. For example, if you assess that he was problematic before, don’t fall into the hole of shame and being guilted to silence and inaction.

For example you can say, “well, maybe I was comfortable with you talking to other women before but I’ve changed my mind. I’m no longer comfortable with it.” It’s okay to explore areas of growth and to change your mind.

So far, we’ve covered 7 possible steps to take when you find out your husband is talking to other women. In the remaining points, we’ll explore a few scenarios and some possible action steps.

8. When you stumble on compromising pictures of another woman on your husband’s phone, take care of yourself first.

Taking care of yourself might mean taking some time to sit with yourself for a minute.

For example, if you find a weird or compromising picture of a woman in your husband’s phone, feelings of disbelief, shock, numbness, anger etc are perfectly normal. There’s everything normal with your reaction.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to extend compassion and kindness to yourself. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.

9. Give yourself space to grieve. And plan.

So you found out that there was indeed a conversation before a picture was sent.

Or you stumbled upon texts or encounters that reveal it’s not accidental or unsolicited or one-sided. Maybe you find him engaging instead of shutting down another woman’s pursuit.

Or he’s blatantly pursuing intimate or borderline connection. Or there’s a woman who makes you uncomfortable, and you’ve talked about it and he promised it wouldn’t happen again, but you discover the connection is ongoing.

I am so sorry. What you’re experiencing is grief and betrayal trauma.

In an article titled Recognizing a Repentant Abuser, (yes, infidelity is abuse) Thomas Pryde of Psalm 82 Initiative, writes, “The most important first step of recognizing genuine repentance is that it has nothing to do with how much sorrow is exhibited. Tears and strong emotion can be worldly sorrow, just as easily as godly sorrow. The difference between these two types of sorrow is found in the fruit that grows out of that sorrow.”

In a different article, Thomas goes on to list the seven areas that an abuser needs to address to demonstrate repentance (at a minimum.) You can read the post: A Letter on Showing Repentance

If you desire private individual coaching tailored to meet your specific needs, check out private individual coaching for survivors of abuse and betrayal trauma, with Coach Sarah McDugal. (affiliate link)

10. Create some boundaries

Maybe you’ve confirmed he’s having an emotional affair.

You’re heartbroken and connecting sexually is the last thing on your mind. But he wants sex and thinks you should carry on as normal or as close to normal as possible. And you are conflicted and worried.

I want to know that it’s normal to feel disconnected from your husband.

Our emotional responses are mechanisms that actually serve a purpose. For example, most humans have a fear of jumping in front of a moving vehicle. That is a healthy fear; an inbuilt system that keeps us safe.

In the same way, the “check” in your heart, the loss of sexual attraction should not be stuffed or ignored; it’s serving a purpose. It’s protective. For more on this, please read When Your Husband Only Wants You Sexually: Your First 5 Steps

11. When you don’t know what to do, find someone who does

I want you to remember that God loves you and wants you safe.

He is bigger than what you face; so big that He can speak and you can hear His voice despite the rage within and without. He is powerful and loving and involved in your life. Romans 8:31-39

So continue talking to Him about the confusion and anger and numbness and betrayal. Offer your tears and heartbreak as prayers. (Surprised? God deciphers each and all human languages, including grief.)

God also speaks through people, specifically people who have the skill and training to help us work through complex situations. So prepare to make an appointment to see a counselor or coach who is also trained in betrayal trauma. (

If you have a close and safe friend, check in with them too. If you’re not ready to share the details, you don’t have to share everything. But just talking to a friend and letting them know you are going through something and could they pray with you or meet you for coffee can be helpful too.

12. When your husband talks to another woman, don’t wash your dirty linen in public

Sharing with trusted counsel is not the same as blasting out your husband’s indiscretion on social media.

You’re free to share as much as you want but consider your safety, margins and well-being too. Are you ready for that push-back and questions from everyone?

Might your sharing provide fresh ammunition for your already-problematic spouse who might use your public pain to paint you as the problematic person?

Tell the people that can be of actual help to you. A counselor, a close friend, a safe family member. Process this pain within a close and safe community/individuals.

In conclusion

There are many steps you can take when indiscretions and betrayal knocks on your wedded doors; Today’s post was meant offer clarity and ideas for the next steps. It was by no means exhaustive.

Next step: (aff link)

Unholy Fruit | Your WILD Guide to Discerning Toxic Character

If you have felt confused by the dissonance between someone’s pious  words and their exploitative actions, this workshop offers clarity and  some possible next steps in your healing journey. Access Now


Photos: Creative Free Stock, Plush Design Studio, Studio 7042 from Pexels.com


  1. so we all have friends of the opposite sex. no big deal. never has been, until, there is this one woman (who is married and we both know her husband) who will run up to my husband give a hug and my husband gives a big hug back but she never acknowledges me as i’m sitting right next to him. i told him it bothers me but he doesn’t do anything like .. when she hugs i feel he should say something like “remember my wife, (insert name)?” .. he just lets it keep happening although he knows it bothers me to no end. am i wrong for wanting him to confront this or should i be the one confronting her? i don’t care they are friends. i care that she continually ignores me while i’m sitting there with a smile on my face ..she doesn’t even look at me. it hurts. and he doesnt do anything about. that hurts too.

    1. Sherri, I’m so sorry. That’s disrespectful to you. I definitely think you should speak up next time it happens. Especially since your husband won’t address it, even though it’s clearly hurtful. There’s no reason to quietly endure something like that. Perhaps mention to your husband that you’re going to address it with the lady next time or simply bring it up when it happens.

  2. My husband is having an affair. Someone told me and he is denying it. I want a divorce and I don’t know how to go about it.

    1. Julia, I am so sorry. If sounds like you might benefit from individual counseling (or couple counseling if your husband is open) to help you process. You can find legal resources through your local connections (church, friends etc) or just google it. Here’s an article to help with your next step

  3. I would very much appreciate some correspondence. I can’t stop talking to other women. I’m afraid it’s a sort of addiction. I love my wife dearly and it has devastated my marriage almost to the point of divorce. Please help with any advice or possible counseling you may have.

    Thank you

    1. Thank you for your honesty, Evan. My recommendation is get help. See an addictions counselor or a counselor.

  4. My husband talking and text to his coworker or friend Whatever it is all the time more than me I question that why? He say she just like texting or calling me from her phone instead of calling me from the work phone. He said he told her to stop texting and calling him because I said the text but that didn’t stop there he started to erase the text and the calls for me not to see. He promises to tell me the true and that he was going to block her and was going to change for our family and our marriage to save .. what should I do it’s a lot to take on and I’m trying to trust him but it’s hard when I see a thing after a thing.

    1. Sandra, I am so sorry. I hope one of the tips I’ve shared (e.g #5 and #11) is helpful.

    2. Trust your gut and set boundaries before it gets worse. Work is work. If he’s hiding it. He’s cheating. If you aren’t comfortable with it. He should stop.

  5. My husband started talking with this girl again. I don’t know what they were before we got married. But they still continued to talk even after like now. I confronted her one but she lied to my face and didn’t care. What can I do I don’t know what to do. We have kids together and I don’t want them to see me worried and sad all the time. I want him to be 100% in our marriage not 70%.

    1. I am so sorry Miriam. It sounds like you might benefit from counseling, talking to a trusted mentor/friend

  6. Great article!

    My wife is insecure and doesn’t trust me based on past incidents of me cheating while we were dating. I’ve regretted it but I’ve also grown from it to try and be the man Christ has called for me to be.

    She seems to automatically believe that if I’m talking to a female something more is always happening and that her gut is always right about the situation. Yet, it’s more than often wrong. I’m open and honest with her about the conversations and anything my wife asks about the female.

    I work in an industry dominated by females so I can’t prevent myself from being in contact with females. She feels that if I am talking to females the conversation should be strictly about business and if it isn’t I should end/not entertain the conversation. Even to go as far as saying if I ask or if a female asks me “hey, how are you?”, “how was your day?” (normal casual/passing by/friendly conversation) is considered crossing the line to her. In her words she “don’t want a FRIENDLY husband”. I don’t agree with her position and believe that she’s being irrational and doesn’t understand what a true breach of our relationship boundaries would be.

    All my conversations with the one female I was speaking with last weren’t inappropriate at all and the female wasn’t flirting with me. My wife got upset because my message responses were long and the female asked about our daughter (the female also has a daughter and married) but to make sure I wasn’t disrespecting my wife I sent a family photo of all of us.

    I don’t agree that any boundaries were crossed but my wife thinks I’m disrespecting to her and our marriage. I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve tried to ask her to speak with a neutral 3rd party or try to go to counseling but she feels like if I can’t agree with her position our marriage is not worth it.

    1. RC, it sounds like your wife still doesn’t trust you. Typically, the person who broke trust does not get to decide when their spouse “gets over” infidelity/broken trust. On the other hand, the marriage will not thrive, or survive if trust and healing never takes place. It sounds like your marriage would greatly benefit from counseling..so you should go even if your wife won’t go with you.

  7. My husband was helping a relative at a benefit one weekend and he called and asked to stay with his brother in law since he was tired and had been drinking. I was fine with that but I later found out that while there he ran into a younger woman (he’s 40 and she’s 27) their families were all friends and he hasn’t seen her in years. They hung out at the bar and ended up going to a friend of her’s house for an after bar party. He hide this from me, led me to believe he stayed at his brother in law’s mother’s house and the only reason why was I happened to look at a text that came through on his phone a night later and seen there was a text from a number i did not know saying hello with a flirty smiley face sent that next morning. I did not read to much into and decided to see if there was anymore contact over the next couple days. The next night he shut off his phone when he went to bed which was unusual so i looked again and found out the number had called him and they talked for 4 1/2 mins. Then i started to ask question’s and reached out to his family that he was with that weekend. I found out that the phone number was from this girl and that he did not stay at the mother’s house but that his brother in law and him stayed at this girl’s friends house. I confronted him, he said nothing happened that he just slept on the couch and left in the morning. I asked why she had his number and he said she asked for it. (note they are not friends on facebook and he does not like texting). He kept saying nothing happened and that they were just old family friends. I asked why she called him and He said she called to ask him what he was saying about that night and he said nothing because apparently someone was talking badly about her and she didn’t want a bad name. Now I felt like he was still leaving stuff out a lot of unknowns so I questioned him again and then he added in that they did dance but he said nothing physical they kept there space and that his brother in law left him there that night alone so he had to walk back to the place they had the benefit the next day. ( more stuff he left out 1st time) He also texted her after i found out saying i was pissed and some other messages but he deleted them and he said he can’t remember what they were about or what else they talked about on the phone. He said he didn’t tell me about hanging out with her because he thought I would be upset. I am not a jealous person and have never questioned him in the past (we’ve been together 12 year) but now i feel like he is still leaving stuff out and i feel like a crazy jealous person. I told him sure I wouldn’t a been thrilled about it but I would a gotten over it, i am more upset that he lied about all this and now I keep feeling like I can’t trust him. I told him I didn’t want him talking to her anymore and he said ok but how am I to know they won’t still talk and just delete the messages now that i know. Not knowing what they talked about is what is driving me crazy. He said he was not interested in her and loves me and maybe He is telling the truth but he lied and I keep thinking if he hide it he had to of known it was wrong in the 1st place. I just don’t know where to go from here? He is not good with communication and he is just acting like everything is fine between us.

  8. Hi, I recently found out my husband was talking and texting a women almost every day for four hours for over a year or more. I found out cause I called the number and it was a women on the answering machine. I confronted him about it and he said that are friends and I’m overreacting. He said there is not emotional connection with this woman. He thinks that’s there is nothing wrong with talking to this women. He said he will end the friendship because it bothers me. I am devastated by this and I am having a hard time moving on. How do I get thru this?

    1. Alice, I am so sorry! I’d suggest seeing a counselor (or a wise mentor)

  9. Another mind-blowing, life-changing article! Thank you so much Ngina!

  10. I understand this is a real issue many women are going through but I believe it is one sided. Am offended when women think all men want is sex when really they need someone they can connect with on so many levels, discussing your issues that hurt at heart and seeing no changes even after investing time and everything for 4-5years can really be heart shattering. O think for those that have a spouse that started just what he dint do before need to first examine themselves, asking questions like what does she offer/bring to the table, is it something he needs that I have failed to deliver? If we dint want the commitment we wouldn’t have said “I do” in the first place.

    1. Daniel, I hear you. It’s true that some women misunderstand what men are are looking for. But there a lot of women know that men aren’t just looking for sex when they step outside the marriage, sometimes they are just seeking connection, empathy, a listening ear. And I really feel sad for the husband who doesn’t have these things in his marriage – they are valid and real. However, when we don’t get what we want/need in a relationship, the answer isn’t to find another person who will give us what we want. It’s to find help for the marriage. Get into counseling, find accountability, weigh all your options within the framework of “what is the next right thing I can do today?”

    2. The question is why does it have to be a person of the opposite sex. And please clarify “so many levels”

      1. I understand your consternation. But you have to be respectful in your engagement. Your comment has been edited.

  11. My husband keeps deleting a girls chat but when I checked his msgs in night there were kisses in his chat I dont know what to do in this situation

  12. Hello,
    My husband works with many women in his field of work. He has acquired many friendships with these women, to the degree that some women refer to him as their “work husband”. I have seen many text messages with these women and there is a lot of conversation about “missing seeing him”, etc. I have spoken to my husband several times about how I feel the conversations are inappropriate and some to the point of an emotional affair. He replies that they are all just friends and coworkers. He promises that he has never had a physical affair but to me the emotional connections he is having are just as hurtful. Recently, I found another text to a woman that he knows I don’t feel comfortable with and he initiated the conversation. I feel really hurt that no matter how often I have said how I feel about these types of texts/conversations, he continues to have them.

    I’m not sure where to go from here. Bringing it up just causes arguments that last for days because he feels I don’t trust him.


    1. Misty, you have cause for concern. I hope the thoughts I shared in the post + the recommended readings at the end of the post, offer ideas for your next steps.

  13. My husband thinks it’s okay to talk to another women who is married about their sex life. She wasn’t getting what she wanted at home and asked my husband for help. He went to her place (husband’s at work) and had a lengthy discussion with her and suggested things to her and went on to tell her about our sex life and our exploration. I was not happy about that as he did not discuss that with me first. He says his talking to her has made their sex life better and how talking to him has helped her immensely. He’ll spend 2 1/2 hours talking to her, while his wife (me) and son are at home. He’s playing counselor it would seem and thinks nothing wrong with it. When I say something, he gets defensive about it and says he’s really comfortable talking to her and vice versa. Should I be concerned about this? I’m a pretty private person and he’s pretty much laid out everything to this person and it makes me very uncomfortable.

    1. Your husband’s interactions are disconcerting on many levels. You should be concerned. It’s not about his comfort level talking to another woman about sex (married or not) but your comfort level (and of course the limits and boundaries of a marriage). While it sounds like the lady needs help, she needs to get it someone else (pref. a friend of her own gender) not a married man.

  14. My husband likes to put his hands on me talk down on me and tell me I’m not going to be nothing he talking to a young lady that 20 in my husband is 35 He tells me I have a mental problem Because I take medicine for depression We tried therapist the therapist told him that he need to take ownership for what he do He is too controlling

    1. Nakeisha, I responded to a different comment you left in another article and I will repeat my response here – what your husband is doing is abusive. You need to talk to a licensed counselor. You can also check out Leslie Vernick or Natalie Hoffman (just google the names) for helpful next steps

  15. “Love isn’t a feeling but a decision.”
    Probably the best line I have read this year. The entire article was well written, informative and came from the heart. Nicely done and thank you.

  16. My husband is in a emotional/ sexual relationship with another woman and it’s not the first time. We are trying to save our marriage and will be having a serious conversation where he is supposed to answer my questions honestly. Can you give me advise on the best questions to ask?

    1. Virginia, I am thinking these are questions best asked in a counseling atmosphere, where a counselor/pastor/trusted advisor is better versed with your situation and can guide the conversation. Or offer guidance on how to do it.

  17. This was a very well thought out and presented article. You mentioned God, but don’t know if you come at this from a Christian perspective. But my thought, as a faithfully married husband of 28(+) years is this: Maybe one of these wives really does need to look in the mirror. Everything you wrote was spot on, including the fact that he is responsible for his own ill behavior. But what if he talks to other women because she shuts him down, dismisses his thoughts or perspective, or is simply uninterested in meeting his need for connection. I’ve seen this dynamic, and it’s not pretty. She expects him to [xyz] but fails to take any responsibility for [abc]. Is she a safe, healthy place for him to use his much smaller store of words? Is she respectful of his wants, thoughts, dreams, needs, etc? He is certainly on the hook for his own sins, but don’t kid yourself that he lives in a vacuum. Her attitude, her provision, her involvement in and commitment to the relationship are paramount.
    Respectfully submitted…

    1. Bill, I agree about the wife’s responsibilities in marriage and I’ve tried to bring that up throughout the post. And I cannot even begin to imagine the heartbreak for the husband going through what you’ve described. A few husbands reach out to me and share their difficulties.
      My goal in this post is not to gloss over the hurt a husband feels or ignore a wife’s duty and how her refusal and disengagement makes her marriage vulnerable.

      This post is mainly geared to wives who are doing the best they know to but can benefit from more insight. I’ll add an edit for clarity.

      Where the wife is intentionally turning away from her husband, I hope to help the husband see his wife’s refusal does not release him from his vow, however hard that feels. Hence my encouragement for the husband to find a band of godly brothers who will encourage and challenge him because it’s a lonely path to walk alone. Thank you for adding your thoughts, you’ve made good observations. I hope wives benefit from your perspective.

  18. Hi Ngina,
    My husband looks/ogles women all the the time, even to the point he will watch them approach, watche as they walk by, and then he turns around to see their rear ends. I have tried talking to him about it and letting him know how I feel when he does it, and he first of all denies that he does it, and then says its my imagination and then we end up arguing about it and he tells me he will look at whoever he wants, whenever he wants and wherever he wants. I know its not my imagination because at one store where it happened, the girl he was looking at shrugged her shoulders to me like “What’s up with that”, as my husband walked away and I ended up telling her “I’m sorry”, which was totally humiliating. When we got to the car, I told him what the girl did and he told me I was making it up. But I wasn’t. What can I do , any suggestions? My husband is in his 60s.

    1. Peggy, I am so sorry. That’s a very hurtful and uncomfortable place to be at as a wife. It seems to me that your husband has a lust problem. Please read these series of articles for a deeper look at how to deal with that and other possible issues

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