Some of the best ways husbands love their wives often stays in the shadows; drowned by every day life and expectations.
I was reminded of this when we were driving to church yesterday and my husband turned and asked: “Did you iron your clothes today?”
I seldom iron anything so I paused, thinking perhaps my blue top was all creased out, and I completely missed it. But it wasn’t so I shook my head “No, I didn’t”.
He saw the quizzical look on my face and went on to explain “Oh I have a mental checklist I go through every time I leave the house.”
My husband didn’t iron that morning. If he had, he would have made sure to double-check that the little box was unplugged from the wall before we left the house.
As we cruised down the road, it hit him that I might have used the iron and he missed a checkup.
It turns out my husband has a mental checklist every time he or we leave the house: he makes sure everything is as it should. Door is locked. Garage door is down. Electronics are unplugged. Fans are switched off. Etc.
Me? I have no such checklist. At least not one that is as fancy or deliberate as my husbands.
Later in the day, I would remember our conversation and marvel. See, I don’t always see or appreciate how my husband watches over us: how he oversees things, cares for and manages our affairs behind the scenes.
And I doubt I am alone in my obliviousness. Many wives are riding in my boat. We don’t always perceive the varying inflections and nuances of our husband’s love and leadership.
We don’t see it because many husbands won’t bring it up. But a lot of times we don’t see it because we have this other list of how leading, providing, protecting looks like.
And when hubby doesn’t check off the boxes on our list, we feel like they are falling short. (Read this post My Husband is Not A Spiritual Leader)
If I didn’t look so perplexed yesterday, my husband wouldn’t have made known his checklist. And I wouldn’t have been reminded, yet again what a great guy he is.
The Fabulous Ways Husbands Love Their Wives
Sometimes I think God will give us a glimpse into the blessing we have been given. Not so we can say “oh how sweet” and move on. We get a flash so we can stay on gratitude-mode.
So we can remember that marriage comes in different colors and flavors and we might not even be aware of the best of them because 1) hubby doesn’t toot his horn 2) God loves to surprise us.
So today I am feeling grateful for my husband’s checklist. He’s quietly going about the business of being a great guy and it makes me feel so secure and loved. (Because one of my love languages is Acts of Service.)
I know some of us are going through trying times in our marriages and wish all spouses were actually trying to be better. Please read this post When Your Husband is the Problem But Everyone Tells You to Change
My thoughts today are meant to encourage wives who are in mostly healthy marriages; let us remember that we don’t always have the whole picture. There’s a lot our spouses do that we are not even aware of.
If we take this gap (our “blindness”) into account, we’ll try to err on the side of grace more often, rather than anger, resentment, disappointment and rash decisions.
The best time to develop this habit of humility and grace-giving is in the early years of marriage. Make a good foundation for your marriage now and your older marriage will thank you.
Because intentional steps now become your default attitude in the future and you’ll be so happy you disciplined yourself to always to see the good in your man first.
If you are ready to explore this topic of gratitude and fishing for your husband’s good side, make sure to read this post Am I A Wife Who is Easy to Please?
If you are wrestling with the overwhelm of new marriage and need a step by step guide on how to kick out fussing, anger, passive-aggressiveness from your relationship, my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years will help. Get on the road to a great marriage or improve the one you have. Pick a copy on Amazon Paperback I Amazon Kindle I Barnes & Noble I PDF I PDF UK/Europe.
You are Invited!
I would like to invite you to join me tomorrow Tuesday 7.10.18 as I hang out with @forevermarriages on Instagram! We are doing a live Q and A, 7 PM Eastern Time and we’ll talk all things young marriage plus take your questions, and I’ll share a bit about Blues to Bliss book. Plus we’ll give away a copy of the book! So make sure to join us at 7 pm Eastern Time on Instagram Live. Click here to connect with me @nginaotiende on Instagram now and then come by at 7 pm ET to hang out!