Honeymoon regrets – most people have them.
The dictionary defines honeymoon as “any new relationship characterized by an initial period of harmony and goodwill”
A common question asked to many soon-to-be-weds is “what are your honeymoon plans”
Nothing wrong with the question but I think an even better question for the couple should be “What are your honeymoon expectations?”
Because the goodness of our plans often lies in the soundness of our expectations.
Do you remember your honeymoon ideas and expectations?
How about post-marriage misconceptions and adjustments?
Do you sometimes look back at some situations and ask yourself “what was that all about?!”
Perhaps you were anxious and flustered about everything, only to have a sweet peaceful honeymoon. Or you expected smooth waters only to face churning waters.
Well, here’s what I would change if I was to do honeymoon all over again aka my honeymoon regrets
1. I would take a hint and try to stay instep with my husband
I recently shared how I struggled to keep in step with my husband on our wedding day.
If honeymoon could be done all over again, I’d try and see that event for what it was; an introduction to the passions and complexities of the one-flesh journey.
And beyond complexities, I’d try to understand disagreements didn’t make us awful and unworthy of marriage. Just two imperfect people who said “I do”.
2. Honeymoon tip – I would not be so worried about a honeymoon getaway
My husband and I didn’t have money to go away for a typical honeymoon.
If I was to go back, I’d advice my newly-wed self that spending the first week of our married life in our sparsely furnished apartment was an awesome blessing.
After all, every honeymooner goes back home, back to real life. While temporary honeymoon getaways are great, the real stuff is in creating lasting marital bliss.
3. I would not try to scrub down the house (his ex- bachelor pad) the day he returned to work.
And get depressed when he failed to notice my hard work.
Building a marriage and a home is journey, not an event.
It takes a lot of grace, being sensitive, patient and accommodating of one another.
So I’d try and understand how “Babe, I scrubbed the house till my back gave out” might not be taken kindly.
4. I would try and understand that our first fight was not the end of our marriage
In spite of a sturdy choleric heart, I am an emotional ball when it comes to conflict with my beloved.
I love feeling in love with him, being at peace with him.
If I was to go back to those early months, years, I’d tell my sweet self that being a peace maker and a peace keeper are two different things.
I’d encourage our relationships towards peace making; facing up the hard stuff, working on them intentionally.
But I’d extend more kindness to us, understanding that we were fresh off Singles Avenue; one-flesh thinking would take time.
5. Honeymoon regrets – I would forgive him when he turned out different than I thought
I scare easily.
But sometimes my husband loves to give me a good scare, especially in the dark.
He pulled off a huge one about a month into marriage and I’ve never forgotten about it.
I was upset for days, wondering what type of a man would scare his wife to death… and have fun while doing it!
Looking back now, I’d try and understand I married different.
And different is okay. Different spices up life.
Different lifts up one when the other is down. Different makes us grow. Different makes us need God.
I’d also realize my husband didn’t know the depth of scare issue, that he would learn to be more considerate in the future.
Your turn; What funny (or not so funny) things did you worry about in early marriage, but which turned out okay? What honeymoon regrets can you add? Lets chat in comments!
Ready to thrive past the honeymoon? Are you madly in love with your husband but suspect your marriage can be better? Or maybe you are the imperfect girl married to an imperfect guy who is tired of fighting, fussing, misunderstanding and distance. You long for healing and happiness: there’s hope! Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years will help you learn how to work out the kinks, find joy in imperfection, positively influence your marriage and create the marriage of your dreams, God’s way. Buy it here Amazon Paperback I Kindle I Barnes & Noble I PDF. 
Photos by Arthur Ogleznev from Pexels, Asad Photo Maldives from Pexels
Hi, I just read one of your posts from facebook and I’m new to your site. I really like it. As a single reading this post it definitely opened my eyes. I thought honeymoon was the start of a wedding night. It would be full of fireworks and lots of sex.
Hey Telisha, so glad to have you here! There’s so much to honeymoon than we initially think about! We all walk into it with many expectations and ideas and it takes a while to process and understand several marital realities. that said, honeymoon is still an exciting season! we just need to learn how to enjoy the fireworks as opposed to letting them burn down the honeymoon season!
As a single, these are great thoughts to think about Ngina. I guess there’s a lot of hype and misperceptions on honeymoon in the media. Thanks for giving me heads up on this. I’m going to share this post with a friend of mine who blogs about thoughtful marriage and newly weds. He’ll appreciate this for sure!
Am glad you’ve found the thoughts helpful Paul. It’s true about the media – there’s so much hype and untruths. Anyone interested in building on the right foundation has to search out the real truths. Able to share your friends’ url? would love to check out his thoughts too!
This is all such great advice! My husband and I had a short stay at a bed and breakfast right after our wedding, and then moved into our apartment together for the first time. That first week was spent unpacking and organizing our new home. I wish I would have known to really treasure that time, because there’s nothing like learning to live with a spouse for the first time! On the bright side, I’m ALWAYS learning. I wish I’d known all your advice when I was first married! Such awesome wisdom. Thanks for sharing!
Jaimie you’ve described my experience to a Tee! now looking back, i see how those early days were so precious and how they can’t be lived again. I did enjoy myself then now knowing what I know, I’d have done a better job 🙂 Thank God we are always learning! Thanks for coming by, friend. I’ve loved reading about your experience, thank you for sharing!
Such great advice! I can’t even count the number of people I know who spend way more money than they have in order to go on a honeymoon. I wish this weren’t so because it adds an unnecessary level of financial pressure to the marriage from the offset. Hope those getting married and reading this will take heed.
Hope so too Fawn! Sometimes we do things without taking into consideration our realities. My husband and I still got away for a day or two (some of it we didn’t pay for) but not the typical honeymoon route. it’s great to just work with what you can afford.
Haha, love this: “Different makes us needy of God.” If I had realized that 31 years ago, I would have had a much easier adjustment to marriage. Instead, I thought, “Different means you (as in my husband) need to change!” It only took me about 20 years to realize I couldn’t change him. It came as a real shocker.
Looking back, I’m incredibly thankful my husband wasn’t more malleable. God has taught me so much through our relationship. I wouldn’t have been able to see how much I needed to change myself, if my husband had changed right away.
I thought the same way too! (different means you need to change!) Am so glad God didn’t answer that prayer too 🙂 Not that I’ve perfect that thought all together! but now i know where the battle lies, my flesh versus God. not me versus him.
I am just laughing at “it came as a real shocker”. Thanks for adding your perspective and thoughts. i really enjoy learning and getting some encouragement in other areas am still working on!
am still laughing at no.5
yea, first real fights are crazy!. i thought this is it, we are done! ooooh God! i made a mistake, i dint hear you? hahahahaha! silly me!
Yes first fights can be baad! i like that you’ve said first “real” fights haha. Some of those other fights ain’t real at all 🙂 good to see you hear nzisa, glad you are reading 🙂
In the beginning I worried to that the first fight meant it was over, I worried that she would never get along with my friends. Once we talked and learned how to truly communicate, these weren’t issues anymore!
Seems we walked the same paths Kimanzi 🙂 Amazing what happens when we talk and communicate, these huge giants reduce to nothing 🙂
For some strange reason I thought I’d lose myself or my identify if I took his last name, so I hung onto my maiden name for a long time. That hurt him and me. It was only by the hand of God that we overcame that obstacle.
Wow, Tc, you’ve touched on something i struggled with too! I thought the same way. But since I still wanted to look submissive, i wanted to hyphenate my last name and his 🙂 So glad God gave me a shake-up 🙂
It’s awesome that you overcame that, God is so good.
You’re funny, I didn’t even care to look submissive 🙂 LOL
I’ve come so far yet I know I have even farther to go. Glad God is patient with me 🙂
haha! sure glad God is patient with us! And gave us great husbands who “work” with us!
So grateful for my hubby!
This is the kind of post that makes me scream out your name! (I just did :-)). Good stuff. Well, the not-so-funny part – I worried about giving my wife the stability that would allow her take a long time off work so we can start a family. Today, I’m glad we’re doing just that right now.
Haha Joseph you are so funny! Am blessed the post got you thinking 🙂 You’ve touched on something that’s on many new husband’s minds – ability to provide for their bride, according to their common goals and dreams.
So glad that you and your wife are at that place in your dream. God’s so good.
Excellent post. I wished we would have connected with a seasoned couple that could have mentored us. We wasted too much time arguing on things that really didn’t matter instead of enjoying one another and our new life together.
Aren’t mentors just from God Bernard. I know many young couples would really benefit and grow from these relationships.
it’s amazing how you and your wife have become strong teachers and mentors in this area. God is good.
Wow! Ngina, those are some great things that you have thought out here. I would absolutely make sure that we travelled the world more than we did. We held off on having a baby for 7 years, we paid off all debt to be debt free. I would have made sure we travelled to more countries during that time. We didn’t because we were paying off debt, so I think we made a few good choices. However, I would have made sure I could have been the best Husband a woman could ask for. I am still working on that one.
I think that was a great balanced choice Lincoln, not traveling alot as you were paying off debt. You and your wife being in one page about your lifes’ choices is an awesome thing.
I hear you about traveling, my husband and I keep saying we are wanderers at heart. (all though that belief has been sorely challenged, for me, since moving to the US..it’s not easy adapting to new cultures!) and we want to travel and explore more.
Thanks for this reminder and inspiration 🙂
My goodness! This is an awesome post. So authentic, so candid, so educating! Thoughts for an e-book right here, and I am serious! (Not to put pressure on your though)
Ha! love how you ended the line with ‘no pressure’. Thanks for inspiration..the thoughts are tucked away on Evernote and they’ll come in handy soon! Glad you enjoyed the read!
Having an interracial married, we always makes fun of our noses. How different it is and we make funny comments about what I can do with it that he can’t do and vice versa! I am a Filipina and married to a wonderful American guy. We are both believers and we also love our differences and it makes our marriage stronger, challenging and a lot happier! 🙂
Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.
Mai sounds like you have a whole lot of fun with your differences! That’s so awesome.I love what you’ve said about differences making a marriage stronger..they do! We just need to look at things differently and we all the better for it. Thanks so much for coming by from HWC, I appreciate.
“Different makes us needy of God.” Love that! Yes, I can certainly relate, Ngina. I think I often tried to disguise my hurt or anger with funny little one-liners. All I was doing was telling him how much he’d disappointed me with a punch-line! And the “punch”-line really hurt! Now, I’ve learned to only joke about truly funny things and leave the sarcasm at the door. Thanks for a glimpse into your honeymoon days, sweet friend. They truly are so hard to navigate, aren’t they?
that’s so funny Beth. It’s so interesting how we try to wrap up our true motives and intentions..Thank God they show up for what they truly are! otherwise we’d be stuck, never learning.
Yes, those early days can be hard to navigate! Thank God there’s growth!
I failed to mention that my honeymoon had a few sour notes too. But I guess that’s fitting since I went on to have a “messy marriage!” ha! Thanks so much for linking this up over at Wedded Wed and I’m joining you in thanking God as well! He’s been so good to us! 🙂
ha!, that’s so funny Beth (or not so funny, oh to be able to laugh at the our pasts 🙂 ) I am so glad that slippery road led to UP to grace 🙂 !
It’s my pleasure to link up @WW !