How will you know he’s the right person for you?
Today we continue with Part 2 of our 2-part series on how to know when you have found the right person.
Make sure to read Part 1 Is He The Right Guy For Me? 5 Signs He’s The Right One where we explored 5 things to look for in a guy because foundations are important.
Just as we did last week, I will explore if you have met the right person by sharing how I knew my husband was the right one for me.
Without further ado
How to know if the person you are dating is the right person for you
1. He is nuts about you
Right from the start, Tommy made me feel like the most beautiful, brilliant woman on earth.
The first time he pointed an accomplishment at work, I was astounded. “Really, you think so?” He mined for gold, relentlessly, and I was astounded at who I was in his eyes.
Now here’s the thing – it’s not enough to tell a woman she’s beautiful, smart or talented. She needs to believe you! She needs to trust you at that level.
Do you know if he loves you? Or do you have to really think about it? Would you know he loved you if no words were spoken? (Pause and think). If you are not sure he loves you, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t. Maybe you just need to give the relationship more time.
Don’t settle for lukewarm when you can have a fire. Don’t force or imagine emotions that don’t exist. A man in love pursues, protects, sacrifices. If you are doing all the loving and sacrificing (and God forbid, pursuing) and all you are getting is *crickets* in return, well, there’s the door..
2. You know he’s the right one when your love is imperfect.
And you are willing to work through issues.
Tommy and I broke up during our courtship. I can’t remember all the details of our break-up but we came to this place and it was dark and we could not make the relationship work.
When we walked out of that coffee shop, it was over. We were devastated. But later that day, he hung out with a good friend. And we had time to think through things. And we talked again. And started afresh.
I love it when courting couples face brick-walls and they don’t know how to break through at first. I love it when a man has to figure out how to talk so she will understand and she has to figure out what she thinks and feels so she can communicate it.
Perfect relationships don’t exist. Yours will be no different. If we were perfect, we would not need a Savior. So rejoice when you have issues in your relationship, it’s not always a sign you are with wrong person. It’s a sign you are humans, sinners in need of a Savior.
Grow closer to your Savior and learn to talk to Him about these issues. Pursue Him more than you pursue your guy.
3. He’s the right person if he’s a good listener
Tommy was not the greatest listener at the beginning of our relationship. He sincerely believed he was, because he asked all sorts of questions and offered “push back” on everything I said. But his questions and push back hurt my delicate girly heart.
So I told him that sometimes I just need him to listen, without trying to piece together every thought and word.
Communication is important in marriage and one of the keys to good communication is the ability to listen well. Men and women communicate differently. Your guy friend is not your girlfriend and that’s okay.
But there needs to be some of type of growth or improvement if his style was initially wanting (and it always is, for most of us).
Because I needed Tommy to hear me, I began to polish up my own communication skills.
And this is the thing about your relationship, that whatever you want from him, you must be willing to go there too. Need him to listen to you? Give him something he can listen to. Listen well. Think before you talk.
Quieten your heart, untangle the mess in your head. In other words, become a better communicator too.
4. He’s the right person when you feel ready(ish)
We can talk about his readiness and being the one for you, but you must ask yourself, “Am I the right woman for him? ”
When Tommy and I started feeling the sparks, I had just lost my dad. Not long before then a guy had broken my heart. Suffice to say, I did not feel very confident or ready for a relationship..my heart was a mess.
But while I did not consider myself ready, God did. Maybe because I was rooted in Him – I was not desperate. When you are deeply rooted in Christ, you have eyes and time for nothing else.
As you think about the guy, think about yourself more. Are you looking for a guy just so it can be said “she has a boyfriend?” Are you running from yourself? Are you bored? Do you understand your worth in Christ or are you seeking a guy to fill your voids?
– Make sure you are looking in the right places
Some of us ladies, when it looks like God is taking time, start to graze outside the boundaries of values and faith. We end up confused and hurt because we looked for and found a wolf in sheep-skin.
Be sure to wait and look in the right places.
– You will never be 100% sure
You will never be 100% sure all the time. Until after the vows, then are sure! But right now, you have to keep seeking God, asking Him to clarify. You have to keep your eyes, ears and heart open. You have to listen to people who have your best interests at heart.
You will never be 100% sure because that’s why you need God! If He gave you a pass, you’d ride off into the sunset, you would not need Him any more!
There will be mistakes and weaknesses revealed as you walk together. Some of the issues revealed might be possible grounds for break up. But unless the issues are serious, requiring a parting of ways, take them as reminders that you are courting a human being not an angel (and begin to deal with that!)
Check out these related posts
Is He The Right Guy For Me? 5 Signs He’s The Right One (Part 1 of this article)
Question – What can you add? If you are married, what qualities drew you to your spouse? If single, what other qualities are you looking for in a man? Let’s chat in Comments!
And if you think you’ve found “the one”, my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After In The Early Years can put you on the road to a great marriage! Buy it here Amazon Paperback I Kindle I Barnes & Noble I PDF I UK/Europe PDF . Or Click here to go to the book page.