Is Your Marriage Broken? 2 Ways To Fix It

Becoming a Better Wife | Guest Posts | Newlywed Advice | Personal Growth

Are you going through a season of brokenness in your marriage?

And by brokenness, I mean you have a situation that is beyond your control, a chronic pain you cannot fix.

Not for lack of trying. You’ve done all humanly possible but your attempts have been unsuccessful.

Is your marriage broken? 2 ways to fix it

My husband and I experienced brokenness a few years back when marriage turned out to be a little different than we thought.

Marriage had it’s glories but we did not anticipate the dizzying dips.

In my new book, Blues to Bliss; Creating Your Happily-Ever-After In The Early Years, I talk about how God changed the situation for us.

How I resisted His methods because they didn’t make sense to me.

And how over time I realized I don’t have to understand everything in order to obey.

Understanding is not a prerequisite for obedience, I learned. (Click to tweet)

If you are experiencing any area of brokenness in your marriage right now, consider the following two things that helped me in my marriage.

1. Give it to the Lord

Really take your brokenness to the Lord. It’s easy to say “I am trusting God to {insert your challenge}” but not mean it from the heart.

Okay maybe you mean it right there and then.

But the moment the situation turns hot and ugly e.g when he does that thing that breaks your heart – you rush and grab back what you gave to the Lord.

One of the ways you know you have given your broken situation to God is to watch how you respond when things don’t go the way you want.

When your emotions and circumstances begin to scream one thing but instead of engaging them, you engage God.

I have discovered that “taking it to the Lord” is not something I will do once and I am done with forever.

It’s something I get to do continually –  moment by moment, day by day.

You surrender each time the pain and fear and anger flares up.

You back off when you want to take control.

That’s how you know you are in a state of surrender – when you are intentionally continually engaging faith, not despair.

Yes, we still wrestle after taking things to God.

But then we understand that our feelings and situations don’t dictate our faith, we have a choice (Click to tweet).

And we keep engaging that choice.

Psalm 146:5-10 (NIV)

Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God. He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them— he remains faithful forever.

Isaiah 40:31

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Ps 42:5-6

Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance. O my God, my soul is cast down within me;

2. Do what the Lord tells you

This can be the hardest thing.

Not just because God might telling you to do difficult things.

But because you might not be sure what God is saying in the first place.

That’s why you have to start with #1; surrender.

Sometimes our pain and fears scream so loud – we are worried and frantic and confused – and it drowns out the voice of God.

But an attitude of continued surrender will begin to quieten and still your heart, up to a place where you can begin to hear His voice.

After you truly surrender (and it’s okay to do so 100 times a day), take the next step.

Which is obedience: doing what the Lord is impressing your heart to do.

You see, situations don’t really change until we begin to give our faith some legs.

I don’t know about you, but it’s mighty easy for me to agree with God in theory, practical faith is much harder.

Let’s back up a little bit.

How do we know it’s the Lord speaking in the first place? How does God communicate with us?

The primary way God communicates is through His Word, the Bible.

Get into it and soak it in.

Another way God communicates to us is directly.

Sometimes when I am praying (or I’m up and about)  I’ll hear a distinct voice in my heart, it’s so clear and unmistakeable that it could be audible.

The reason I know it’s God’s voice is because I have been walking with God, we have a relationship. So when He speaks I know.

In the same way, you will know God’s voice and understand His instructions because you have been with God.

You have spent time with Him, been learning how He speaks. You have been asking Him to reveal Himself to you.

Yet another way God speaks to us is through counsel from others, people who know you, love you and care for you.

Walking it out

In our marriage, when I began to obey God’s clear instructions, I started to see changes in our relationship.

An example, I was the aggressive communicator, the one who couldn’t sleep until we ironed out every crooked thing.

Is your marriage broken? 2 ways to fix it

My husband did not enjoy going on and on about challenges and issues.

Especially not after being jabbed awake in the middle of the night.

After playing the “chaser” (me) and “retreator” (my husband) and seeing no real resolution, I perked up and began to listen to God.

It took a while but at some point I began to notice that my husband was no longer as allergic to talking as he used to be.

Maybe God might call you to do bold things, like speak up, when you want to hide behind a sofa.

He might ask you call out unhealthy marriage dynamics and quit playing mouse.

He might ask you to die to self and lay aside some marriage “rights”, at least for a while.

God might ask you to involve a trusted third party.

He may lead you to fast and pray for your husband.

Whatever He tells you to do, do it.

Don’t hope for resolution when you are not doing your part.

Luke 11:28

He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

Deuteronomy 6:18

And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may go well with you, and that you may go in and take possession of the good land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers

It takes time to fix Brokenness

Overall, brokenness in marriage doesn’t get fixed overnight.

It doesn’t get fixed the way we want it or how we want it.

But that’s the whole point of surrender, isn’t it.

You are not merely trusting God for answers to marriage problems, you are trusting Him with your whole life, however that looks like.

Whether you get your answers or not, He remains God; sovereign and ruler over all.

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Blog tour

Last week I had the privilege of hanging out with Barb Raveling in her podcast “The Christian Habits Podcast”. We talked about “How To Thrive in a Less-Than-Perfect Marriage“. We had a blast! You can listen to the show here. To listen on iTunes click here

~

Are you an imperfect girl married to an imperfect guy? Wondering how to draw closer to God and your husband? My book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years might help. Learn how to positively influence your marriage and create the marriage of your dreams, one intentional choice at a time. Buy the book Amazon Paperback I Amazon for Kindle I Barnes & Noble for Nook Or visit the book page here.

Yes, I want my marriage to thrive! Purchase links to Blues to Bliss Book

Linking with Wedded Wednesday 

4 Comments

  1. This is my first time on your blog and I want to say thank you because you have given my heart some insight. When I got married 24urs ago I believed I was marrying a believer. Over the years, even though it is not my right to judge, I know my husband is not. So I pray everyday for his salvation. Since the 2020 election it has been made obvious, through many heated arguments, that my assumption became reality. My heart broken struggle now is that my 15yr old daughter hates even the thought of religion and my husband condones it. Giving it up to her free will to think. I believe in my heart that God is coming back in my lifetime and I am scared for my daughter’s salvation. Do I stay in a marriage with an unbeliever if I feel it is driving my daughter down the road of un salvation? Do I try to lead by example and pray that God opens her eyes. I know we are suppose to trust Him with everything but is it healthy for her to be in an environment with so much unbelief from one end. That seems to be the easier road for her of the two to follow. I know God asks us to put his faith in Him but I don’t think he expects us to subject ourselves with ungodly situations day in and day out. That could be my secular mind talking as well, hence my confusion. Any thoughts from you or anyone that has any advice? Please pray for discernment before answering because I really am at a crossroads here at this point of my life. Thank for being a spirit light for God. I just wanted you to know that you have touched another soul through Him.

    Love your sister in Christ,
    Lori

  2. Pingback: Is your marriage broken? Here are two ways to go about restoring love and relati... - life hacks
  3. Beautiful, redemption-filled words, Ngina! Love it and love your heart to help those struggling in marriage, my friend. By the way, I bought and gave a copy of your Blues to Bliss book to my future daughter-in-law! I’m grateful and proud to say that I know the lady behind that great work of wisdom and insight!

  4. I’m so like you…when I’m upset and if my husband and I have a disagreement I want to talk it all out but God is helping me to trust Him and let some things go. I’m learning it’s not always healthy or practical to stay up all night to discuss things that I really need to take to God first. I’m finding I often need to talk with God more than I need to talk with my spouse. AFTER talking with God, I can go to my spouse and the conversations is shorter and more productive.

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