You are looking at your marriage and thinking “I married the wrong person”
How did I get here? How did I end up married to someone I shouldn’t have married in the first place?
(Warning: hard discussion ahead)
You need to retrace your steps.
To that time God spoke to you, directly through big red flags, counsel from friends or family, through His Word.
Or indirectly through those unsettled feelings in your heart. You knew you should have stopped dating him. That you should have called off the wedding, cut off the relationship.
But you ignored it all and got married anyway.
Now marriage has become increasingly difficult, and you are heartbroken about it. You married the wrong person and you know it.
I was praying the other day for wives in these situations. I was wondering how God was going to fix the circumstances, worried that the corners are too tight and the choices so far reaching.
And then God by His Spirit reminded me that He is a Savior. Saving people from sticky, messy, impossible situations is one of the things He does best.
He doesn’t toss us when we blunder.
In fact, our errors make us prime candidates for saving. He doesn’t quit loving us because we disobeyed Him; He doesn’t give up on us. As long as we are alive, it’s never too late with God.
So how do you fix these seemingly unfixable messes? How do you undo your mistake?
Simple (or not so simple)
Understand you can’t “undo” it, in the sense of you fixing it.
Instead of wrestling and frying your brain worrying, you submit your life back to God. You allow Him to call the shots now.
Undoubtedly, the journey ahead will be difficult; you can’t just up and go (all though if you are in any sort of danger find a safe place NOW). There are no guarantees as to how the future will play out.
But this one thing is true: there’s no one else you’d rather have on your side than the One who specializes in saving sinners.
David the Psalmist wrote “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” Psalms 23:4
The rod and staff are tools that the Shepherd uses to guide and protect the sheep. In other places in the Bible, the rod is used as a symbol of discipline.
It’s not a strange thing to be loved by God and disciplined at the same time.
This is a concept I struggled with; I presumed both can’t exist at the same time..that it’s either one or the other.
Many struggle with that too..how can God still love me in my mess? If He’s disciplining me, doesn’t it mean He no longer loves me? How can marriage feel so hard and still have God in it? Isn’t it too late?
Listen. Shame, guilt, confusion, fear, discouragement? You need to kick them out. If feeling bad about your choice could have helped you, don’t you think you’d be all helped by now?
When you married the wrong person – remember this;
You have an enemy who walks around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.
He wants you to stay defeated and you need to actively resist his confusion and drama through activating Faith and declaring the Word of God and Surrounding yourself with good counsel and community.
Yes, you “messed up” but you are not defined by your mess but by a God who calls you His OWN.
See, the way marriage is set up, you can turn the wrong thing into the right thing. Just because they were wrong for you before the marriage doesn’t mean they aren’t right for you in marriage. You can work your way into love, into a good marriage.
(Again, if you are in abusive marriage, if your husband is addicted, a habitual cheater, I am not saying those are right or you need to accept them. Please get help now. Read this article for more insights Christian Marriage and Divorce: To The Wife Who Has Done Enough)
Help For Your Marriage
If you feel like your marriage was a mistake, if you are desperately unhappy, if you are shaking at the thought of your marriage ending and will do anything to keep a lid on things, I can help. Click here to sign up for my Marriage Coaching for Newlywed Wives program (which now includes coaching via email)
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