I have observed that redirecting marriages is often a more laborious process, compared to giving “maintenance care” to a marriage that started off on the right foundation.
That’s why I am also passionate about mentoring and coaching singles in relationships*, not just strengthening marriages.
Saving marriages before they start
I think that when we focus on saving marriages before they start, we can make a dent on the number of struggling marriages.
I am yet to meet someone who got married for the sole purpose of being miserable.
Every one wants a happy marriage.
What we don’t always consider though, is the effort it takes to have a happy strong marriage.
If you are single/in a relationship and desire to have a God-kind of relationship and marriage, I think it’s important to consider the following;
To have a God-kind of marriage and relationship
1. You need to be willing to do things God’s way
You can’t have a God-kind of marriage without doing things the God-kind-of-way.
I think it sounds easy until you consider the cost; death to the flesh and carnal thinking.
You see, God is not a peripheral God who likes to sit by the sidelines & dabble in our lives on occasion.
When you invite Him into your life and relationship, He dives into all the details.
From helping you make correct relationship choices, to shining a light on your motives, to having a say on the kind of attire you wear for a date.
God is always a personal God.
So right off the bat and if you are interested in having a God-kind of marriage, you have to be comfortable with God being all over your business.
Wholeness in marriage comes from wholeness as a person. And wholeness comes from God.
2. You have to be counter-cultural and counter-flesh
The world says “if it feels good, do it. If it makes sense, go for it.”
But Godly-sense teaches us to be suspicious of our hearts and to deny our flesh.
Walking contrary to the world and our flesh is not something we do merely for the sake of ‘sticking out’ or ‘looking odd’.
(All though frankly being odd or sticking out is not such a bad thing. You cannot impact the world by being normal or blending in.)
We walk contrary because we also understand that living on the edge increases the chances of being blown over by the slightest breeze of temptation or sin.
We stay away from the edge, not because we are silly or old fashioned but because we are wise.
So often we mess up because we ignored wisdom and common sense.
One of the more ignored ‘common-sense’ of today’s relationship culture is dating/courting outside of one’s faith and beliefs.
Some have fallen for this idea that courtship can be turned into an “outreach” endeavor.
Another ignored common sense is the idea that we can excite and indulge our flesh outside of marriage and still maintain purity.
We seem to have forgotten that purity starts from the heart.
So if you want a God-kind of relationship and marriage, you’ve got to be willing to sow the right kind of seed now.
Mango trees don’t yield oranges and it’s no different in relationships.
Pay now, reap later
Again we must remember that while it’s possible to redirect a marriage later on, it’s often a more painful process.
Marriage is so much easier when we start off right.
That doesn’t guarantee that everything will flow perfectly. But it’s often a much better start.
Question – Do you think a strong foundation can prevent some heartaches later on in marriage? Please share your thoughts in Comments.