Newlywed wives are susceptible to information overload.
I once read an article on priorities where the Author listed the things she doesn’t do; like, bath her three kids every day (or every other day) cloth diaper, keep a phone, serve fancy meals.
She had a lot on her plate and was intentionally keeping her to-do list at the bare minimum.
The article encouraged me so much because at that time I was juggling a lot of things; chief among them, trying to figure out life after moving 8,000 miles from my country of birth.
As I read through, I immediately thought about the new bride and her to-do list.
The many adjustments she has to make in this side of the altar and how it can all get confusing that she ends up not knowing what to do.
I struggled as a new bride.
I remember walking into our house after our wedding and quick honeymoon and finding the house in complete chaos! Friends had discharged a truck load of gifts on to the living room floor. I could barely see the carpet.
We loved the help (every bride and groom needs all the help they can get on their wedding day!). But I did not like the idea of cleaning and arranging things on my first day home.
So my always-creative husband came up with a brilliant idea.
Pile up everything to one side of the living room. And deal with it later. It was an awesome idea but at the back of my mind I felt we were postponing work. I wanted to dive in and fix everything right away.
It’s a bit like that in the early years of marriage.
As a new wife, you will come across plenty of unexpected challenges. You’ll sift through gazillion pieces of advice to find what works for you.
And just as I felt stuck on my first day in my house as a married woman, it’s easy to feel lost.
But one of the best ways to dial down the feeling of being stuck is to choose your battles; live one day at a time.
So here are two lies newlywed wives believe and how to strike them out of your belief-er. (excuse the made up word!)
Two things you don’t need
1. Have it all together
Your marriage will never be perfect. So don’t be all bent out of shape trying to iron out all the creases and crooks like it’s an emergency.
It’s easy to obsess about your outside. Easy to work like crazy trying to create the smiley-honeymoon-ey image you created in your head.
But you will be absolutely frustrated. Because while you are trying to make your marriage perfect on the outside, the truth is both of you are still a mess on the inside.
Yes, you are imperfect and two imperfect people don’t make a perfect marriage.
Jesus + two imperfect people = imperfectly perfect marriage.
I am not saying cut back on working on your issues or don’t engage intentionally. But I am saying don’t expect your marriage to have no issues. You are human, we all have issues.
Don’t worry yourself sick because your husband is not changing at the rate you want him to.
Don’t fret because you don’t feel submissive all the time. (Make sure to read these two posts on what submission really means! What Does Submission in Marriage Really Mean? and Marriage What Submission in Marriage Really Means Plus 4 Ways to Discard the Rules
Remember you have a lifetime to learn and grow. Do what you should now do but give yourselves a break. It takes time to create a good marriage.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your marriage is to push all the mess to one corner and get on with life.
2. Have all the answers
You don’t have to understand why that couple walked out on each other. You don’t have to know why bad things happen to good spouses.
You don’t have understand everything there is to understand about relationships, in order to have a good one.
When I look at my own crazy efforts to “grow up” and know everything, I realize I am just trying to grow up so that I don’t need God so badly.
Ouchy to admit but true.
There’s something about figuring out life that would throw me into a nice cushy place of comfort.
So remember that understanding is not always a prerequisite for obedience. The more you obey God, even if you don’t understand it, the better your relationship will be.
The Solution To the 2 Lies Newlywed Wives Believe
You will never go wrong with God 🙂 You probably already knew that, but how often do you act like it’s true? I know I don’t always act like God is enough.
You have to make a habit of talking to God instead of allowing yourself to be overwhelmed.
It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out, just simple normal conversation.
I can be long-winded and God has been teaching me (and re-teaching) how to pray simple honest prayers.
Lord, I am so messed up right now, I am tired, I don’t know what to cook for dinner, I have no energy for my husband, I am upset because I don’t have a girlfriend to hang out with and my husband isn’t trying to be a good girlfriend…”
Lord, help me with dinner, give me grace and energy for my guy when he comes through the door because I love him and I don’t want my day to ruin our evening.
The bottom line; you don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders because God already did. Unload the cares, let Him have your worries and pick up His victory.Dear wife, you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders because God already did. Unload the cares, let Him have your worries and pick up His victory.
Question – What are you struggling with today? How will you allow God to have it?
Are you wrestling with the overwhelm of new marriage and want a step by step guide on how to kick out fussing, anger, passive-aggressiveness from your relationship? Want to restore joy, healing and happiness to your marriage? Or maybe you just want to love better, create the marriage of your dreams, God’s way. Your marriage can change! Get on the road to a great marriage when you pick up my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years -> Amazon Paperback I Amazon Kindle I Barnes & Noble I PDF I UK/Europe PDF . Or click here to go to book page