What a day for the single and looking for love!
As a single, I was not a big Valentines Day fan to begin with.
But over time and with everyone else shouting about it, I started to “notice” it.
I desired chocolates and flowers.
And not from my friend or my sister.
But from someone aiming for my heart.
The art of being single on Valentines day
So Valentines was a loud reminder that I was ring-less.
The outside world stood on one side, shouting about all the fun I was missing.
My inner self struggled with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) anxiety, longing to share the day with a significant other.
Many characters swooped in around this time – from a married colleague pushing for a rendezvous (the horror) to vaguely familiar faces showing up with an invite for a coffee date.
Nonetheless, Valentines day ended up steering me in an entirely different direction.
Not on a quest for love or a search for a significant other.
But deeper into my values, the basics that held me up as single woman.
The values that held me up
If it looked like a duck, walked like a duck and talked like a duck, it was probably a duck.
I watched some of my friends go out on dates with people they had no intention of seeing beyond Valentines day. On February 15th, the dash to “loose” these fellows would begin.
I often marveled at the kind of energy it took to play such games. I possessed none of the cleverness, backbone or heart.
I believed that short term “happiness” was not worth my long term sanity and peace of heart.
The day would come and go.
But not the repercussions of actions born of desperation.
I held on to the revelation that empty dates would lead to emptiness of heart.
And silly hide and seek games.
Worth the wait
I knew what I was looking for in potential suitors (had it written down actually).
I saw myself as precious.
There were days when I would convince myself that maybe, I was never meant to marry because my standards were too high.
I had set the bar high – on myself and anyone who wanted to capture my heart.
I knew what I was looking for. And I was not going to settle.
I was so set on what I wanted that paying a prize for it i.e. waiting, was nothing but a breeze.
I had discovered that giving myself too much room was a recipe for disaster.
The conversation playing in my head had to be good and strong.
An empty mind was not an option.
I was not living life alone – I had alot of eyes trained on me. From my mentor group (nothing like responsibility to keep you standing on your two feet) to my life mentors, Barnabas & Grace.
I had long discovered that it was very easy to yo-yo and do my thing when all I had to answer to was myself.
Even God felt very very far away sometimes. It wasn’t that hard to feign “fallen nature of my flesh” if I I were to ever fall short of the set standards.
But my squeaky clean buddies and straight-shooting mentors weren’t far at all.
And they had ears, eyes and mouths that could vibrate loud enough for me to be ashamed to high heavens.
I was on a short-leash..plenty of room to wiggle but short enough to keep me sane, sober and straight.
Busy & Creative
One Valentine’s eve, I wrote a love letter to Jesus – the action squeezed my angst juices out of the system.
Yet another one, I hung out with friends.
Still another (most of them actually) I went home and relaxed in my couch.
I tried not to be tunnel-visioned about Valentines – it was not about me, myself and I.
There was the option of making others happy too.
Love your life
The world is big. There is always something to do for those who will look.
Valentines does not have to be a blotchy splash in an otherwise fabulous week. Or life.
It is just a day.
This year, show some love to yourself by reminding yourself who you are the rest of the 300+ days of the year.
Love your life anyway.
Plus he/she always seems to come quicker when you are having fun!
Question – If you are single, what valentines day hang-ups have you had to let go? If married, how did you handle your Valentines day before you got married?