How do you move on when you are a wounded wife?
A few weeks ago, something happened to set off an old wound.
I won’t get into the details of that situation but what I can say is that the wound is long healed. It is not something that bothers me at present.
But a few weeks ago, someone said something and the churning of the old days burst open and it was all I could do to sit still.
I wanted to jump in and and dig up all the old details. I wanted to remind the person what happened and set the record straight.
As I sat in the study, with my Bible open, thinking about these things, getting angry (and crying my eyes out), God brought the following verse to my attention.
Malachi 3: 16
Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name.
In context, the people of God were questioning the benefits of serving God, keeping His law and repenting of their sin because from what they could see “evildoers prosper(ed), and even when they put God to the test, they g(o)t away with it.” v 15 (brackets added)
In other words, why walk straight and narrow when it doesn’t seem to pay?
Why humble myself and try so hard to do the right thing while other people are doing wrong and God doesn’t seem bothered?
But verse 16 talks about another group of people who thought differently.
In fact they came together and began to talk.
Malachi 3:16 says
“Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard.”
Whatever they said must have been good to God because verse 17-18 (MSG) goes on to say
“God-of-the-Angel-Armies said, “They’re mine, all mine. They’ll get special treatment when I go into action. I treat them with the same consideration and kindness that parents give the child who honors them. Once more you’ll see the difference it makes between being a person who does the right thing and one who doesn’t, between serving God and not serving him.”
To the wounded wife
As I mulled over my wounding, I found myself thinking about the wife who is battling wounds and can’t seem to heal from the past.
Perhaps you are that wife. Something happened in your past. Or present.
You want to let go, to do the right thing, but the feelings and emotions and situation follow you around.
You shake it off but there’s all kinds of triggers in your way.
When you think you’ve let it go, something happens to churn it up all over again.
You feel stupid for holding your peace and not doing something to get a piece of justice for yourself.
Indeed, most times you understand that “vengeance belongs to the Lord and He will repay”. But there are days you wonder when He will repay, or if He will ever repay
Because people moved on. And you feel like you never did.
And there’s no repentance on their part, no realization of the wrong they did. In fact they act as if they are they wronged party!
And so you want to jump in and set the record straight, once again.
As I thought about my own issue, the Lord reminded me these four things and I hope they encourage you today.
1. God knows the truth about our wounds
God knows about our wounding.
Psalm 34:18 says
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s enough, like God is enough. We want more, something more tangible on this earth.
Truth is, sometimes we’ll get a bit of justice. But other times we won’t. And even with the justice on earth, we still have to trust God because no man can give us the kind of salve and healing we need.
It’s not that we cannot or should not seek truth and godly justice. We should.
But even then it’s with the understanding that God understands and knows where we are and only He can heal our wounds completely.
He knows the truth. He is not removed, He hasn’t abandoned us. He knows everything that happens.
So you want to ask yourself, what do I really want? What will be enough for me? What am I seeking? Is God enough?
2. Anyone who sins, sins against God, not you or I.
People don’t owe you, they owe God.
Whoever hurt you needs forgiveness from God first. They need to see their need for a Savior.
So you need to be praying that they recognize their sin and run to the cross to find mercy. Not to you.
3. I am a sinner too
And the forgiveness He gives me must be extended to others.
When you have been wounded, it’s easy to walk around with a victim’s cloak.
It’s easy to see what they did to you and not see what you did to Jesus.
But you must intentionally, by His grace, remember how God has forgiven you of greater sin.
Right now He’s forgiving you of your anger and fear and thoughts of revenge and every dark thing going through your mind and heart.
So before you cast a stone, stand back and look at your own sin. You need forgiveness as much as they do.
4. God knows the truth, we don’t have to prove it to anyone
It’s a vexing frustrating thing, trying to prove a right to someone who doesn’t understand what right is.
Or maybe they do, but they are not ready to admit it yet.
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
God hasn’t given you that job anyway.
Even when an opportunity to explain the truth arises, you have to have it settled in your heart that God is the One that changes hearts and saves souls.
It’s not your persuasive or fiery speech that brings people to truth, it’s the spirit of the Lord working in someone’s heart.Dear wounded wife, it's not your persuasive or fiery speech that brings people to truth, it's the spirit of the Lord working in someone's heart.
If you need to talk to someone, talk to someone who “fears the Lord and honors his name.” Don’t just jump into the fray.
Don’t confront without forethought and prayer. Think about the end result, what do you want to achieve?
What’s the best way to go about it? Will it leave you at a better place? Will God be honored? Will His name be honored?
I don’t know how these four points will apply to your situation, but I hope you are encouraged and can find hope in the Lord.
Press into God first. Give it time.
I titled this post “To The Wounded Wife” because what happens outside the marriage relationship will affect the marriage.
And so you need to find healing and peace in the Lord so you don’t bring the luggage and mess into your marriage.
If yours is a marriage situation, I encourage you to check out my friend Beth Steffaniak blog, Messy Marriage and pick up her “Forgive U” eBook (free when you sign up for her blog, at the time of writing this post) where she goes in depth into the process of finding healing and reconciliation.
Are you wrestling with feelings of overwhelm in your new marriage? Is shutting down, fussing, anger, passive-aggressiveness common place in your relationship? Do you want to bring back the feelings of closeness and warmth you once enjoyed? Or maybe you just want to love better, create the marriage of your dreams. Your marriage can change! Get on the road to a great marriage when you pick up my book Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After In The Early Years. Buy it Amazon I Barnes & Noble I PDF