Early this year, my husband and I were enjoying an evening date and talking about the past year.
Rather, I was talking about my year.
As my husband sipped his Chai Latte, nibbled his Cinnamon crumble cake – and mine -, nodded his head. And surfed Facebook
Yes, checked Facebook while I talked.
I was not happy about it, but decided not to make a big fuss about it. So I continued talking, hoping he’d eventually get that I needed his full attention.
I talked some more.
And he didn’t get it.
So I finally asked for his full attention.
In a natural, un-irritated, un-angry voice.
Years ago I would have been too upset to shine grace. But many marriage-miles later, I share my request in a normal voice.
My sweet man looks up and tells me,
“I am listening. Just checking this church online….
(we are in a season of looking for a new home church).
But he’s listening.
I see I have two options
One – Postpone my “sharing” till we can both concentrate on the same thing.
Two – Believe what he says, that he was listening to me, and shorten my long-winded speech.
Well, this girl was on a roll and wasn’t feeling like postponing anything
So I splurged on.
Marriage doesn’t have a formula.
Things don’t always have an exact formula in marriage, do they?
Just because we know what to do doesn’t mean we’ll always do it.
Yet we believe that once we know better we will always act better. And of course that’s the goal, that once we know the truth we will live it out.
But as spouses, we won’t always live out what we know all the time.
Maybe the best thing would have been to postpone my “sharing” – because I really wanted to feel heard, not just heard.
And my husband could have kept his eyes on me, not his phone
But there it is, ladies, messy marriages. (My friend Beth Steffaniak has a blog by that name! Check it out).
We don’t always give each other “perfect marriage service”. But we can learn something from our messes.
My prayer for us
My prayer for us has been that seasons of stretch would be a gain, not a waste.
That we’d grow a little deeper, that down the line we’ll look back and see the difference between our newlywed selves (Day 1) and where we are now.
Growth means sometimes not getting what we want.
These gaps and bumps ultimately help us look to God for our needs.
They help us learn to go that extra mile as we learn to live with understanding.
You might be going through a stretching season right now.
I want you to know that God cares for you and your situation.
You can’t always control what happens but you can trust the One who controls everything.
Don’t give up or give into hopelessness and discouragement and fear.
Look to God, the Author and finisher of your faith and ask Him to reveal the lesson in the moment.
Ask for grace to walk out the season. Ask for wisdom to know how to move forward.
Whatever you do, don’t be waiting for perfect times in marriage to be joy-filled. Once you choose to go with God, you can tap into His joy.
For the joy of the Lord is your strength
Linking with Titus 2sdays, Messy marriage