What do you do when the honeymoon doesn’t last forever?
While the early years of marriage are fresh and exciting, they can also be filled with hard work and sweat.
In fact, we are shocked to discover that the level of effort and work we put in to the relationship is directly related to the level of love and sweetness we enjoy as a couple!
While many couples enjoy a problem-free start to married life, others start on a more uncomfortable note. And it is to be expected because single + single = learning curve.
But whatever camp you fall under, we can all agree that once married, every couple has to adjust and re-define the concept of “honeymoon”.
Today I want to debunk a few myths about why the honeymoon doesn’t last.
Because so many people are walking into marriage hoping for peachy honeymoon, only to be hit upside the head with effort, right off the gate. The keyword being, effort.
In this post, we’re not discussing abuse, chronic unrepentant sin, criminal behavior or any type of behavior that breaks the fabric of a marriage. If you’re facing these types of difficulties in your marriage, I am so sorry. Marriage is meant to be a blessing, not a source of darkness. Please check out this page for resources that might help.
For those facing regular marriage challenges, early marriage adjustment can lead to deep frustration, even fear about the future.
Even single people can be turned off marriage because they don’t know how work and happiness go together.
So why are the honeymoon years difficult? What do we do when the “honeymoon” doesn’t last as long as we want and effort comes earlier than expected?
3 reasons honeymoon doesn’t last forever
1. Honeymoon doesn’t last because you’re getting to know each other.
Oh you hang out and spent hours talking and staring into each others eyes. You got to know his family and his friends.
You spent a ton of money on your wedding. You feel like you know this person completely and they know you completely – maybe even better than you know yourself!
But then you get married.
Two different people, two genders, different expectations and life experiences. The idea that you will start living together and it will be a perfect fit all the time is, well..how do I say this ..is preposterous.
I wish there was a way to sit with all newlyweds and explain the bumps and emotions as they happen.
I had to let go of the idea that my husband and I were a flawless fit.
Oh it hurt!
You see, I believed he knew me. Like really knew me. What I liked, preferred, disliked, hated, everything. And I expected he’d put that knowledge to good use!
But the reality was that he knew a little about me – at least enough to want to marry me! But he did not know all of me. The other part of me.
I didn’t know he didn’t want to talk when he was upset. That he hated chores. That he wasn’t a social butterfly.
It’s not that getting to know one other before the wedding doesn’t help. Of course, it does! Otherwise you’d be marrying a complete stranger!
But we also need to recognize the friendship and dating phase for what it is….bait-ish. It’s the sweet crunchy thing that entices you into the real thing.. marriage!
And that, my friend, is why we take marriage vows, not wishes. Because after the wedding, we might start questioning why we got married, even though we’re perfectly normal people going through perfectly normal marriage adjustments.
Please note that adultery, abuse (please get help now!) or abandonment are not “normal marriage adjustments”. They are not “marriage growing pains.” Get help immediately if your marriage is struggling in any of those areas.
2. Honeymoon feels short-lived because we have baggage
Some people are good at hiding their baggage while others have no idea they have baggage at all.
When a guy says “Yes” to the pretty girl standing by his side on the wedding day, he has no idea that he is also saying yes to the girl that was bullied in high school, yes to the the girl that was disrespected by a boyfriend.
You have no idea you are saying “yes” to his scars and his heartbreaks that left him deeply ashamed.
Marriage is a place where two willing people begin to unload our luggage. The honeymoon years consist of two people beginning to come face to face with issues and hurts they didn’t know existed.
It’s true that marriage will surface some pains and issues. So instead of bailing out at the first signs of normal growth pains, a husband and wife should roll up their sleeves and get to growing.
3. Honeymoon is hard because in marriage we need God more, not less
I did not understand the depths of my sinfulness until I got married. As a single I was the active church girl, poured out in service to God and others.
The early honeymoon months began to reveal a person I did not know existed.
The Bible calls it iron sharpening iron.
I called it distractions.
As I came face to face with my responsibility phobic, childish, easily-angered side of me, I had a finger firmly pointing in the direction of my husband. I blamed him for my un-christlikeness.
After all I did not have marital messiness before marriage!
But God wanted me to turn that around. I wasn’t saved any less as a married person. I was just more knowledgeable.
Marriage is a refining tool and we begin to feel the edge and refinement immediately.
You get married and begin to need God in brand new ways. And that’s God’s plan! It’s not that He doesn’t want you to have a great time in marriage and continue to nurture that honeymoon feeling.
He wants you to have a strong healthy marriage that will last a life-time. But that sweet thing we are looking for comes through being sharpened and molded into His image.
And that’s why I think the honeymoon years of marriage can be messy!
Sometimes it’s not not because you married the wrong person. Sometimes it’s simply because you married a person. Not an angel.
And if both spouses (not just one) keep confessing, repenting, growing and working on the relationship, they can create a marriage that feels like heaven on earth.
Being a Christian is not insurance against trouble but it’s a guarantee you’ll have Christ by your side helping you get to a better place.
Tell me, how have the honeymoon years played out for you? What has been the biggest lesson of your marriage so far? Lets chat in Comments!