Have you heard of the Why I love My Husband List?
A few years ago, I wrote the post 29 Reasons I Love My Husband, as part of an online call to encourage wives to focus on the good things in marriage.
Fawn Weaver, the founder of Happy Wives Club, challenged wives to lift up the positive things in their marriage through creating a continuing Why I Love My Husband List.
It has been four years since I wrote the post, and there’s a whole lot more I love about my husband! (I have a little folder on my phone where I keep my little notes!)
Ladies, it’s too easy, particularly in the newlywed years, to camp in blues-ville (if you are newlywed and marriage rocks, awesome! I write mostly to newlyweds who are having a harder time with the hubs and marriage in general.)
Honeymoon blues have a weird tendency to blot out visions of bliss. And wives who are walking through a bumpy season have to intentionally remember the good. This is where I Love My Husband list comes in!
Keeping the journal reminds your mind and heart why you like your guy and marriage, especially in those days you don’t fancy them much.
At the end of this post, I’ll share how to go about creating a Why I Love My Husband list but for now, here are 12 more things I love my husband!
12 More Things I love About My Husband
1. Midnight giggles.
He becomes funnier the later the hour of the night. Especially when he’s fighting sleep, which is often (anyone else married to a night-owl?)
I love lying in bed, tangled up in sheets, laughing so hard, hoping we don’t wake the neighbors.
2. How he shares his vegetables
All too brightly, I admit. But he also slices his last piece of cake and halves his last scoop of ice-cream, so we both have a piece.
But he doesn’t understand why I love his food so much! I think he’s not the only husband who’s stumped as to why his wife often declines to order something off the menu..only to go ahead and eat the same off his plate.
Please let me know your why in comments? (I suspect it’s close to mine: food from his plate tastes way better!)
3. His ability to adapt to different environments
He works hard to settle us in. His strength is blessing to this heart of mine which struggles to unroot and root again: he is my God-sent anchor.
5. How he’s owns chores
I am an acts of service girl or as my husband likes to call it, I love enslaving him. You guessed it, he is not an acts of service man.
As newlyweds, our biggest fires erupted around his not helping enough. Nine years later? He’s taught himself to do stuff around the house, without my asking.
Taking the trash out, checking mail, doing laundry, folding clothes are just some of the things I don’t have to think about anymore because he does them.
Without my asking. Sweet newlywed wife, give him time.
6. How he shores up the ministry.
Some people have asked why my husband doesn’t do marriage ministry with me, To be fair, we used to lead a couples group and plan marriage events together.
But that was back in Kenya, and after we had relocated to the US, God rearranged our life. For now, I do most of the visible ministry.
But my guy holds up this gig. He funds the ministry. He believes in me. He makes sure I have everything I need. He’s a sounding board. He helps me work through tough concepts and views. And he writes.
Tommy might not be at the forefront, but he is the heartbeat and bedrock of Intentional Today.
7. He refuses to take the place of the Holy Spirit.
This is a biggie. Perhaps, it needs a whole article, but I’ll leave you with quick thoughts.
Sometimes God will stir a wife in a specific direction (founding a new ministry, starting a new business, fresh insights to an old problem, new thought, renewed passion to an old dream e.t.c)
And she’ll think about, pray about it and then tell God “okay, let me talk to my husband and I’ll come back to you with an answer.”
She’ll talk to hubby, and he has no idea what she’s talking about because God has not spoken to him yet/it requires a huge leap of faith/it’s her special mission, not his.
When hubby doesn’t jump up and down with excitement about your idea, you waddle back to God, dejected.
“But God, I thought you spoke to me. Why doesn’t my husband get it? Why didn’t he jump on board?” *Insert more tears and discouragement* “I guess you didn’t talk to me then. If you did, my husband would encourage me, not hesitate/abhor the idea.”
As you ramble on, God is watching you. And if you’d stop long enough, you would hear Him say, “just because your husband didn’t hear it today doesn’t mean I didn’t speak it.”
I have learned that God speaks uniquely, sometimes separately. He doesn’t always talk to Tommy and me at the same time.
That means there are moments when one of us is rearing to go while the other is “meh.” Or one is excited and the other is bothered.
So. Just because your husband hasn’t heard God today, doesn’t mean He won’t hear Him tomorrow. But what will guarantee him not hearing God tomorrow is you quitting today.
If you cease praying, bringing up the conversation, researching, stirring your expectation, tomorrow will not come for your spouse, and then what will happen to that thing God told you to do?
So now I love that my husband refuses to hear God on my behalf (because sometimes I am lazy and want him to.) He’s honest when my ideas don’t make sense.
His honesty and determination to be a priest, not a replacement for God, has helped me to push through walls and find God.
Going through the hard path has forced me to grow and hear God in ways I wouldn’t have, if my husband was playing a role he was never meant to.
8. How he spends time with God
My husband loves God differently. He’s a quieter.
My favorite view is him on a recliner reading his Bible or his low voice stirring the silence as he prays behind a closed door.
9. He doesn’t have a need to flex
Or play big man in our marriage or my relationship with others.
He is okay, herding me off to another state to see my sister or to a coffee shop for some me-time.
Not all guys encourage their wives to connect with other interests to feed their soul, so I’ve grown to appreciate and love this side of him.
Grown, because I am one of those sticky wives who can misread his loose hand: “but why would you want to be away from me?”
10. How we can talk about issues that brought our marriage to its knees years ago
It’s one thing to overcome difficulties, quite another to speak about it without gagging on the pain. It’s special when you can laugh about your problems.
Of course, the icing on the cake is his little recollection of the finer details of our newlywed blues. Which makes me the official historian of our little family. *wink*
11. His knack for noticing the imperfect.
I used to dislike this quality. And to be honest, it’s still rattles me sometimes.
But I’ve grown to admire his natural “editor” eye: because God gave Him this trait so he can accomplish His purposes.
My husband is a thinker and problem solver and its a huge blessing to his career and our ministry pursuits.
Plus his analytical eye balances my tendency to ignore imperfections and bulldoze through life. And we’ve both grown to the level that he can share his
criticism truth with love, and I try not to be a baby about it.
12. His heart to serve others
It melts my heart, seeing him help others. I guess because I appreciate acts of service. I love it when he serves others.
Want to join the Why I Love My Husband challenge?
Want to join the challenge and change the atmosphere inside your marriage? It starts with your heart! And it begins by noticing the little things.
My Why-I-Love-My-Husband above is a summary of little notes I’ve made through the months (it’s been a while since I wrote something new but I have compiled a lot, over the years)
The love list, my version anyway, works like this;
When the hubs does something you like, say, wipe down the sink, after brushing his teeth (yes, it can be that simple) and his thoughtfulness/growth makes you smile, you have two options
Think “aww how nice” and move on.
Or take a pen and notebook (or a note-taking phone App) and commit that moment to memory.
I am all for option 2. Take a notebook, or open an App on your phone (like Evernote), and write down your husbands action, how it made you feel and why. (What, How and Why)
Example of what you might write:
(Insert your husband’s name) wiped down the sink and cleaned the entire sink area after brushing his teeth. What a delightful surprise. I feel like he cares about me because we’ve talked about cleaning up after ourselves and he keeps forgetting to do it. Today he remembered! The bathroom looks clean, just the way I like it. It’s one more thing I don’t have to do. Even gave me a moment to remove my flaky nail-polish!”
So what’s the goal of I Love My Husband List?
The goal of keeping a Why I Love My Husband journal is to train your mind to notice the positive traits. Our hearts and minds don’t automatically latch on the positive: they need training!
And while you might not always have time to write down all his awesome ways, it’s only a matter of time before you start to magnify the positive in your marriage.
And perhaps one of these days, you will share your little list with him and he will be amazed at the things you love about him! One wife did! (Check the Comments in this post)
But remember the list is for your benefit, not his! So don’t feel bad if he’s not blown away by your skillful record!
Once you write the love notes, keep going back to them: read and imprint those sweet moments so your heart and mind doesn’t forget the greatness of your guy!
Your turn! Tell me, what do you love about your husband? Let us create a vibrant husband-positive spot on the internet where people can be reminded that good men and good marriages still exist! Let’s chat in Comments!
And if you want to learn how to magnify the positive in your love life, make intimacy more fun, less work (because it’s tough to be bold when you just aren’t sure about things!) my new book “The Wedding Night:Embracing Sexual Intimacy as a New Bride provides a road-map for sexual confidence in marriage! Find out more here
Ps. In today’s post, I am addressing wives who are in normal relationships, experiencing typical growth pains. If you are in a marriage where abuse, harmful addictions, adultery are present, please get help and support. You can start by reading these posts: Setting Limits with a Difficult Spouse, When You Don’t Trust Your Husband, When a Wife Feels She Has Done Enough.